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Musician Jokes


Sami

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Q. What's the difference between an oboe and a trampoline?

A. You take off your shoes to jump on a trampoline.

 

Q. How many french horn players does it take to fix a lightbulb?

A. Only one, but it will take them an hour to check for leaks and alignments.

 

Q. What did the timpani player get on their IQ test?

A. Drool.

 

Q. What did the difference between A baritone sax and a lawn mower?

A. The way you hold it.

 

My band was once on a trip and locked the keys in the car, we had to call AAA and it turned into a huge feasco, it took 4 hours to get the drummer out.

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On 09/09/2017 at 4:17 PM, Sunchicken said:

Q: What do you do with a tone-deaf trumpet?
A: Take away his trumpet, give him a pair of sticks, and make him a drummer.

I am offend :P you're pulling at the last strauss right now.
Some drumming techniques need tone! That's if you play the djembe or something.

I want to make a joke about tuning my drums,

but the problem is I don't know how.

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6 minutes ago, Sunchicken said:

I took one of those dumb "Only a TRUE musician can name all these instruments!" quizzes, and lost it at this question:

59b61d22bcd1a_BazookaIsNotanInstrumentPatrick.jpg.140d2a664f5b8b69fd69dc3a4e286b88.jpg

(Patrick added by me)

GAH!!!!!!!!!!! I cracked up when I read that. I'm so gonna look that quiz up..... *goes to browse the internet*

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On 9/8/2017 at 11:17 PM, Sunchicken said:

Q: What do you do with a tone-deaf trumpet?

A: Take away his trumpet, give him a pair of sticks, and make him a drummer.

Q: What do you do with a drummer who has no sense of rhythm?
A: Take away one of sticks and make him the conductor.

I played trumpet in 5th grade.

I failed in every conceivable way.

Now I do percussion.

But I can't play snare very well at all. But I'm really good at everything else.

And last year I was the only one who could play bells\chimes\xylophone\viberaphone. It was really annoying.

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On 9/9/2017 at 4:05 PM, The Forgetful Archivist said:

Q. What did the timpani player get on their IQ test?

A. Drool.

Sorry for the double post but I play the timpani, and I got above average on my IQ test! :D I can't remember the exact number though...

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2 hours ago, Darkness Ascendant said:

@TeshDo u *just* play the timpani in relation to percussion?

No, I play chimes, bells, xylophone, vibraphone, bass drum, timpani, snare, (I'm really bad), and a lot of minor instruments in my school's advanced band.

We're really bad though. My fellow percussionist described the sound as something like 'a pack of dying hyaenas.' It's a pretty good description. She and I play piano too, so we are the only ones who can play chimes, bells, xylophone and vibraphone. 

Our band is sad. Now I have to go get ready for school. Where I have band. *scowl*

There are many bad things I could say about my band. But our instructor is amazing.

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18 hours ago, Tesh said:

No, I play chimes, bells, xylophone, vibraphone, bass drum, timpani, snare, (I'm really bad), and a lot of minor instruments in my school's advanced band.

We're really bad though. My fellow percussionist described the sound as something like 'a pack of dying hyaenas.' It's a pretty good description. She and I play piano too, so we are the only ones who can play chimes, bells, xylophone and vibraphone. 

Our band is sad. Now I have to go get ready for school. Where I have band. *scowl*

There are many bad things I could say about my band. But our instructor is amazing.

oh dear. Our band is quite good, my old school had an awesome band which I had the privilege of being drummer for. We had an entire performing venue and an amphitheatre and stuff. It was sooo cool. I miss it alot :/

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8 hours ago, Tesh said:

@Darkness Ascendant Lucky!

A friend, her friend and I go into the band room during lunch and talk with our band teacher. I showed her the 'How to Read Sheet Music' video, and my friend and I convinced her to show the class.

Most of them didn't even understand.

wow

(and not lucky lmao, I've moved to another school after a year there ;-;)

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6 minutes ago, Darkness Ascendant said:

wow

And we're the advanced band.

 

Any way,

What is an oboe good for?

Lighting a bassoon on fire.

 

Why do clarinet players put their case on the dashboard?

So they can park in the handicapped parking spaces.

 

What do clarinets and government cases have in common?

Everyone is glad when the case is closed.

 

How many percussionists does it take to change a lightbulb?

Oops, I broke it.

 

And that last one is so true!

Edited by Tesh
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My high school music teacher had this stuck up in her room for a while:

Quote

C,E-flat and G go into a bar.
The bartender says, "Sorry, but we don't serve minors"
So E-Flat leaves and C and G have as open 5th between them.

After a few drinks the 5th is diminished and the G is out flat. An F comes in and tries to augment the situation but is not sharp enough. A D comes into the bar and heads straight for the bathroom saying,*Excuse me, I'll just be a second"

An A comes into the bar but the bartender is not convinced this relative of C is not a minor. Then the bartender notices a B-Flat hiding at the end of the bar and exclaims, "Get out now! You're the seventh minor I've found in the bar tonight." The E-Flat is not easily deflated, and comes back to the bar the next night in a 3-piece suit with nicely shined shoes. The bartender who used to have a nice corporate job until his company downsized, says, "You're looking sharp tonight, come on in! This could be a major development." This proves to be the case as the E-Flat takes off the suit and everything else and stands there au natural.

Eventually C sobers up and realizes in horror he is under a rest. The C is brought to trial, found guilty of contributing to the diminution of a minor, and is sentenced to 10 years of DS without Coda at an upscale correctional facility. On appeal, however, the C is found innocent of any wrong doing, even accidental, and that all accusations to the contrary are bassless.

Also, this guy is quite funny:

 

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14 hours ago, The Forgetful Archivist said:

I have had 64 measures of rest before, I guess this means tubas don't matter.

Once I think I played about five measures the entire song. I was on timpani. But, I had a roll. 

In The Hall of the Mountain King was fun. I was on timpani, and I played pretty much the whole song. And at the end, I had a roll/cershendo, (I spelled that wrong, didn't i)? It was awesome. But easy. But I made loud noises. :D

And tubas are very important.

At the beginning of the year, we had six percussionists, but now one has left us to become one of two tubas, and the other is now a trumpet. We have way to many.

Our band is depressing.

It makes me sad.

Edited by Tesh
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58 minutes ago, Tesh said:

I was on timpani, and I played pretty much the whole song. And at the end, I had a roll/cershendo, (I spelled that wrong, didn't i)? It was awesome. But easy. But I made loud noises. :D

According to my friend, the best piece every for timpani is Mars, by Gustav Holst. Having played the bassoon part (which doubles the timpani for a fair amount of the piece), I can definitely agree with the sentiment. It is an enormous piece of fun to play.

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