Popular Post Kinnsayyy Posted May 16, 2017 Popular Post Report Share Posted May 16, 2017 (edited) Okay so I saw a few of the Explain a Film Plot badly things earlier and thought they were funny, so I decided to do them for the cosmere books. I think some of them are funny, so I decided to share them. Hopefully it'll at least get a few laughs. If anyone has any more or any different ones, please post them. Spoilers for the cosmere, obviously. I'll label each one just in case though. The Final Empire: Spoiler A serial killer breaks out of prison, kidnaps a little homeless girl, then starts a cult. Well of Ascension: Spoiler A socially awkward teenager with daddy issues loses his kingdom to Hitler, his best friend, and a cripple. Hero of Ages: Spoiler An imaginary friend tries to destroy the planet with earrings Alloy of Law: Spoiler An old, rich, vigilante, detective comes out of retirement to fight a crazy man in G̶o̶t̶h̶a̶m̶ Elendel. Shadows of Self: Spoiler God talks a man into killing his crazy ex girlfriend. Bands of Morning: Spoiler A family tries to kill each other in order to get a pretty bracelet. Warbreaker: Spoiler A little girl gets put in an arranged marriage with a creepy guy without a tongue and has to teach him the birds and the bees. Elantris: Spoiler A man wakes up as a zombie and spends the entire book learning how to draw a line. I couldn't think of any for Stormlight, hopefully someone else can [EDIT by Moderator: This topic originally was solely cosmere but has moved beyond that, so I moved this to Entertainment Discussion.] Edited July 5, 2020 by Chaos 220 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
The Sovereign Posted May 16, 2017 Report Share Posted May 16, 2017 Shadows of Self just slayed me. 13 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
king of nowhere Posted May 16, 2017 Report Share Posted May 16, 2017 you get an upvote from me for final empire alone. 8 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Popular Post Nashan’Elin Posted May 16, 2017 Popular Post Report Share Posted May 16, 2017 Well, the problem with Stormlight is that it requires like 3 or 4 explanations per book, 'cause plotlines. I'll see what I can do. Stormlight: Spoiler Kaladin: A depressed man with an imaginary friend teaches a group of slaves to fight, and then has them commit treason. Shallan: A girl tries to steal an ancient artifact from her mentor, nearly dies, and is taught strange powers by her mentor Dalinar: An old warlord starts to trust his hallucinations over reality, and ends up getting most of his army slaughtered Dunno if those made sense, but it's a fun idea! 21 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Popular Post Jedal Posted May 16, 2017 Popular Post Report Share Posted May 16, 2017 @Nashan'ElinI liked yours, but I'm giving it my own shot. WoK: Spoiler Guy with daddy issues makes a bunch of misfits into a rag tag group, because he pees glowing liquid. WoR: Spoiler Girl who murdered both her mother and father falls in love while slumming it with a group of assassins. 22 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Popular Post Erandeni Posted May 16, 2017 Popular Post Report Share Posted May 16, 2017 How about this for WoR: Spoiler A freed slave soldier, a warlord and a scholar's apprentice make a plan to kill a tribe of freed slaves before the end of the year. 52 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Popular Post Jofwu Posted May 16, 2017 Popular Post Report Share Posted May 16, 2017 Warbreaker: Spoiler A god who doesn't believe in his own religion finds out that the only reason he came back alive was so that he could die again. Slight edit to OPs The Final Empire: Spoiler A serial killer breaks out of prison, turns a homeless girl into a child soldier, then starts a cult. Well of Ascension: Spoiler A teenage girl tries to choose between a king who loves her and his psychotic twin brother who hears voices in his head. Hero of Ages: Spoiler A man systematically invalidates every religion he knows of before deciding to become god. TWoK: Spoiler After months of planning his escape, a slave gives up freedom to serve his masters. A woman's heist plans fall apart when her boyfriend poisons her by accident. A man finds out that his wild visions aren't hallucinations but he doesn't understand them anyways. 101 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Popular Post ryshadium90 Posted May 16, 2017 Popular Post Report Share Posted May 16, 2017 (edited) WoR Spoiler When sticks don't listen. And crustaceans don't listen. And horses. And annoying cousins. (Cousins could relate to either Elhokar or the Lopen) Edited May 16, 2017 by ryshadium90 19 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Popular Post Zeldan Posted May 16, 2017 Popular Post Report Share Posted May 16, 2017 1 hour ago, Nashan'Elin said: Well, the problem with Stormlight is that it requires like 3 or 4 explanations per book, 'cause plotlines. I'll see what I can do. Stormlight: Hide contents Kaladin: A depressed man with an imaginary friend teaches a group of slaves to fight, and then has them commit treason. Shallan: A girl tries to steal an ancient artifact from her mentor, nearly dies, and is taught strange powers by her mentor Dalinar: An old warlord starts to trust his hallucinations over reality, and ends up getting most of his army slaughtered Dunno if those made sense, but it's a fun idea! For Shallan, I'd say it more like this(after a few key points from WoR): Spoiler A girl kills both of her parents, then judges her mentor, who she's stealing from, for killing criminals. I like your other two though. 27 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Popular Post Modal Seoul Posted May 16, 2017 Popular Post Report Share Posted May 16, 2017 Harry Potter: Spoiler A young boy learns magic and struggles with his teenage hormones.(There are also bad people) A New Hope: Spoiler A young boy whines about his power converters, rescues Princess Peach Leia, then blows up a big ball. The Empire Strikes Back: Spoiler The young boy gets rekt and his friend freezes up when trying to flirt. Return of the Jedi: Spoiler He's not the Chosen One, his dad is. (There's also a huge slug and a metal bikini) The Phantom Menace: Spoiler The devil comes for the souls of George Lucas and friends. Attack of the Clones: Spoiler "How do you feel about sand?" "It SUCKS!!" Revenge of the Sith: Spoiler Little Annie tries a flip and gets wasted by Ben. The Force Awakens: Spoiler Let's rewatch A New Hope, shall we? Rogue One: Spoiler Hey, guys, look! Suicide Squad is awesome now! I know most of these are films, but couldn't resist. 18 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Popular Post +Extesian Posted May 16, 2017 Popular Post Report Share Posted May 16, 2017 (edited) Prologue. Beginning. Middle. End. Ars Arcanum. Wait, plot, not structure. I'll try again. Mistborn Spoiler Crazy Chuck Norris happily kills people different to him. Teaches damaged girl to do the same. Damaged girl falls for awkward boy-leader who stick around until he sees his future, immediately bails. Crazy Chuck Norris beats up crazy god and takes his power before ordering damaged girl to use it as a suicide bomb. Crazy Chuck Norris' slave-monk turns out to be the Buddha. Stormlight Spoiler Crazy Chuck Norris shaves his head, becomes a slave-monk and kills the president. Damaged girl does the same, forgets about it. Tony Stark escapes imprisonment, kills people different to him to save the crazy General. Crazy General tries to make friends with people different to him but Tony Stark beats them up and tries to kill awkward boy-leader. Damaged girl and her vibrating friend saves them all. Tony Stark (now Ironman) kills Crazy Chuck Norris. OR. DOES. HE. Warbreaker Spoiler Crazy Chuck Norris eats the soul of an imprisoned, tortured resistance leader. Divine Tony Stark eats, drinks and flirts his way through a crisis of self-belief. Arya Stark and awkward boy-leader eat, drink and flirt their way through a crisis of self-belief. Sansa Stark, well, she never really has a good time. Crazy Chuck Norris feeds the souls of priests to his pet sword. Divine Tony Stark feeds his soul to awkward boy-leader, saving them all. Wax and Wayne Spoiler Spiderman kills crazy girlfriend, returns to the city, agrees to marry autistic girl for money, finds out his crazy girlfriend is alive and, reluctant to be called a quitter, kills her again, discovers great power, decides he doesn’t want great responsibility, and gives a weapon of mass destruction to the Swiss. Shadows for Silence Spoiler Crazy female Chuck Norris kills guests for money in the house she’s imprisoned her mother in. Elantris Spoiler Man stubs his toe. The rest is unimportant. Just imagine stubbing your toe and the pain never getting better. Oh, and Kinnsayyy, you killed me with the Elantris one. Just killed me. Edited May 16, 2017 by Extesian 38 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Popular Post Faceless Mist-Wraith Posted May 17, 2017 Popular Post Report Share Posted May 17, 2017 Not Cosmere, but Brandon so: Rithmatist: Spoiler A young boy wishes to be an artist, and gets a second chance at life... only to have a picture literally run away from him. Snape is using a policeman guy in order to turn all of the students into pictures. In order to stop Snape, the boy enters a really intense art competition. Steel heart: Spoiler Superman and King Midas have a baby, who gives our main character the tragic backstory all heroes need. He goes on to discover that we have nothing to fear but fear itself. Firefight: Spoiler Our heroes go to Sea World, where Professer X finally loses it. Fortunately Jean/the Pheonix shows up and saves the day. David gets a grammar lesson. Calamity: Spoiler An all-powerful being realizes that everything really is his fault, and goes away. Time and space is bent in order to allow our hero to bond with an alternate version of his father, whose son is conveniently dead. A touching moment follows. 17 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kinnsayyy Posted May 17, 2017 Author Report Share Posted May 17, 2017 Yall had me dying. But if we're doing other books too.. Kingkiller: Spoiler A little boys parents are killed by snow white and the 7 dwarfs so he decides to go to college and sing Powder Mage: Spoiler A guy snorts c̶o̶c̶a̶i̶n̶e̶ gunpowder and shoots people Harry Potter: Spoiler An old man has a crush on a little boy so he gets him to drop out of school and kill himself Star Wars: Spoiler A little boy is the chosen one. Wait nvm he isn't. Wait.. Nvm he is. Lorien Legacies: Spoiler A bunch of numbers kill this little girl's pawpaw Mortal Instruments: Spoiler A girl starts dating her brother, who turns out to not be her brother, but then starts dating her actual brother. Who turns out to be a demon, so she goes back to the other guy, who turns out to be an angel. Hunger Games: Spoiler The female green arrow falls in love with the boy who throw bread at her Game of Thrones: Spoiler A dwarf gets imprisoned, married, divorced, his nose cut off, imprisoned again, then shoot his dad while he's on the toilet. 15 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jedal Posted May 17, 2017 Report Share Posted May 17, 2017 Lord of the Rings: Spoiler A short man-child is given a stolen ring from his uncle who then abandons him. Man-child proceeds to journey to home of a floating eye and throws the floating eye's ring into the oven. 15 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Popular Post Jofwu Posted May 17, 2017 Popular Post Report Share Posted May 17, 2017 Wheel of Time: Spoiler What if Frodo destroyed the Ring, and then Gandalf revealed this is only item 1A of a long checklist? 49 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ryshadium90 Posted May 17, 2017 Report Share Posted May 17, 2017 9 minutes ago, Jedal said: Lord of the Rings: Reveal hidden contents A short man-child is given a stolen ring from his uncle who then abandons him. Man-child proceeds to journey to home of a floating eye and throws the floating eye's ring into the oven. Nice! How about this? Spoiler A game of finder's keeper's that ends in a violent trip to the return desk of a jewelry store. 14 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Popular Post Modal Seoul Posted May 17, 2017 Popular Post Report Share Posted May 17, 2017 I shall expand on The Wheel of Time. The Eye of the World: Spoiler Doesn't this remind you of The Fellowship of the Ring? The Great Hunt: Spoiler Do you hear that? It's the Call of Gondor- oh wait, it's just that horn. The Dragon Reborn: Spoiler Whosoever holdeth this sword shall possess the power of al'Thor. The Shadow Rising: Spoiler Just lie down, kick back, and enjoy the sweat tents! The Fires of Heaven: Spoiler I think I'll kill off their mentor now. (Hoid killed Asmodean) Lord of Chaos: Spoiler And behold, the most epic battle since the Battle of the Five Armies has arrived. A Crown of Swords: Spoiler Wasn't Mat enjoying the thrill of being a girl's plaything a while ago? The Path of Daggers: Spoiler Guys, help me! Robert Jordan is falling asleep! Winter's Heart: Spoiler Boy, it's freaking cold!.........But not when Rand is involved! WHOOO! Crossroads of Twilight: Spoiler ZZZZZZZZZZ*politics*ZZZZZZZ*where's rand?*ZZZZZZZZ Knife of Dreams: Spoiler Not to worry, guys. Mr. Jordan is up again. The Gathering Storm: Spoiler The death of Adrin was terrifying! (You cried when you read the foreword. Admit it) Towers of Midnight: Spoiler Wow, Mat Cauthon is a regular Norse god! A Memory of Light: Spoiler IT'S OVER! IT'S FINALLY OVER!.......I think I'm gonna cry now. *Sniff* New Spring: Spoiler Doesn't blushing count as revealing emotions?? You're welcome. 17 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Hemalurgic Headshot Posted May 17, 2017 Report Share Posted May 17, 2017 18 minutes ago, Captains Domon said: I shall expand on The Wheel of Time. The Eye of the World: Reveal hidden contents Doesn't this remind you of The Fellowship of the Ring? The Great Hunt: Reveal hidden contents Do you hear that? It's the Call of Gondor- oh wait, it's just that horn. The Dragon Reborn: Reveal hidden contents Whosoever holdeth this sword shall possess the power of al'Thor. The Shadow Rising: Reveal hidden contents Just lie down, kick back, and enjoy the sweat tents! The Fires of Heaven: Reveal hidden contents I think I'll kill off their mentor now. (Hoid killed Asmodean) Lord of Chaos: Reveal hidden contents And behold, the most epic battle since the Battle of the Five Armies has arrived. A Crown of Swords: Reveal hidden contents Wasn't Mat enjoying the thrill of being a girl's plaything a while ago? The Path of Daggers: Reveal hidden contents Guys, help me! Robert Jordan is falling asleep! Winter's Heart: Reveal hidden contents Boy, it's freaking cold!.........But not when Rand is involved! WHOOO! Crossroads of Twilight: Reveal hidden contents ZZZZZZZZZZ*politics*ZZZZZZZ*where's rand?*ZZZZZZZZ Knife of Dreams: Reveal hidden contents Not to worry, guys. Mr. Jordan is up again. The Gathering Storm: Reveal hidden contents The death of Adrin was terrifying! (You cried when you read the foreword. Admit it) Towers of Midnight: Reveal hidden contents Wow, Mat Cauthon is a regular Norse god! A Memory of Light: Reveal hidden contents IT'S OVER! IT'S FINALLY OVER!.......I think I'm gonna cry now. *Sniff* New Spring: Reveal hidden contents Doesn't blushing count as revealing emotions?? You're welcome. Impressive. You pretty much summed up whatever I remember from the series (except the ending, but whoo, spoilers. Weird stuff there, am I right?) 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Popular Post Faceless Mist-Wraith Posted May 17, 2017 Popular Post Report Share Posted May 17, 2017 (edited) Final Empire: Spoiler A man convinces a girl involved in a small time gang to commit even worse crimes by having her drink a vial of mysterious liquid. Well of Ascension: Spoiler A treasure hunt where everyone is looking in the wrong place, and hundreds of people die because of it. Hero of Ages: Spoiler A man desperately tries to become an atheist, before discovering he's the Chosen One destined to become God because a prophecy used a gender neutral pronoun. WoK: Spoiler The book that made everyone hate Sadeas. WoR: Spoiler 1088 pages of engaging battles, stunning revelations, new mysteries, and compelling character arcs, and the words that had the greatest impact on the 17th shard community were "I am a stick'. Edited May 17, 2017 by Faceless Mist-Wraith Grammer 53 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Hemalurgic Headshot Posted May 17, 2017 Report Share Posted May 17, 2017 52 minutes ago, Faceless Mist-Wraith said: Final Empire: Reveal hidden contents A man convinces a girl involved in a small time gang to commit even worse crimes by having her drink a vial of mysterious liquid. Well of Ascension: Reveal hidden contents A treasure hunt where everyone is looking in the wrong place, and hundreds of people die because of it. Hero of Ages: Reveal hidden contents A man desperately tries to become an atheist, before discovering he's the Chosen One destined to become God because a prophecy used a gender neutral pronoun. WoK: Reveal hidden contents The book that made everyone hate Sadeas. WoR: Reveal hidden contents 1088 pages of engaging battles, stunning revelations, new mysteries, and compelling character arcs, and the words that had the greatest impact on the 17th shard community were "I am a stick'. WoR: So true. 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Popular Post Andy92 Posted May 17, 2017 Popular Post Report Share Posted May 17, 2017 Stormlight Archive Spoiler The world is ending because nine guys stabbed a rock. 67 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Popular Post Zennix Posted May 17, 2017 Popular Post Report Share Posted May 17, 2017 (edited) Stormlight Archive Spoiler An emo teenage boy, a da Vinci wannabe cheerleader and a very buff old guy try to save the world from (Skynet) Odium. Mistborn Spoiler A bunch of people who drink vodka from test tubes fight God. Edited May 17, 2017 by Zennix 17 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
WhiteLeeopard Posted May 17, 2017 Report Share Posted May 17, 2017 Cosmere Spoiler God was killed, his murderers became little Gods and went on to mess the universe. Stormlight Archive Spoiler A group of people need to go crazy to gain superpowers and save the world Secret History Spoiler The book that if it didn't exist would have sent fans into nervous breakdowns after last page of BoM I dont think I've ever used my upvotes so quickly as today 12 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Farnsworth Posted May 17, 2017 Report Share Posted May 17, 2017 Shallan's arc: Spoiler A girl kills her parents and then is really upset when her family has no money, so she joins the organization that stole from her family. 16 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Erandeni Posted May 18, 2017 Report Share Posted May 18, 2017 (edited) Kingkiller Spoiler A guy spend two days talking about how awesome he used to be. WoA Spoiler A guy loses his kingdom, his wife forge an empire for him Hero of the ages Spoiler A girl breathe a lot of fog and becomes a God. Edited May 18, 2017 by Idealistic Mistborn grammar 12 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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