Robinski - 170220 - TMM, Chapters 5 and 6 - 3394 words (L) (+V, kinda, little bit)

[Robinski]

3 hours ago, Hobbit said:

I think Grimes is still coming across a little bit too much like Quirk

2 hours ago, Mandamon said:

Is there any reason Grimes needs to be male?

Hmm, this certainly has come through before. I don't know, Mandamon. That's a real poser. I feel like there is a reason, but I can't quite put my finger on it. Still, I'll have a go:

 - I feel that the sadness in Grimes would be diminished. Statistically, men die first, to the point that there is pretty much an expectation, certainly round these parts (UK).

 - A woman facing off against Toni, I feel like the dynamic would be different. I feel like there is something of two old stags facing off against one another that would be lost. Not that it wouldn't address the issue of the 'confusion' with Quirk.

 - Another thing that would be different would be the encounter between Grimes and Moth, although that needs some reworking anyway, but putting Moth with an older woman... maybe that would be a good thing. 

I'll need to take that away and chew over it. It's a good suggestion - thank you!

[Robinski]

Hey Hobbit - always very pleased to get your perspective  

14 hours ago, Hobbit said:

I remember reading the scene with Quirk and the cop before

Yeah, it's already changed, but thanks for confirming.

14 hours ago, Hobbit said:

Grimes is so sad.

There's something incredibly cathartic about writing sadness, it chimes with something, I think, that is more personal than pain or tension. I'm glad it comes though.

14 hours ago, Hobbit said:

This human is gross.

I'm so glad that comes through. At points he almost seemed likeable and I had some comments early on that he was not as threatening as expected, so it's great that you get the underlying menace - hopefully others do too.

14 hours ago, Hobbit said:

If there's a character in a scene that has had a POV before, as a reader I'm going to assume we're in that POV

Good point. I'm going to need to revise this. Grimes already is unreliable, in the sense that, when in the hotel room, he doesn't reveal in his thoughts that he is going to try and kill Toni, neither does he reveal explicitly that he doesn't expect to live through the encounter. So, putting it in Grimes' PoV is probably the right thing to do.

Great comments, thank you, Hobbit!