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Cosmere characters compete for a legendary artifact... with a special tag-along


Vissy

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I really don't know why I wrote this, but it's some kind of a crossover between One Piece and Cosmere in general.

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Historical accounts dismissed it as a fable.

Eyewitness accounts from the people of the time were few and far between, but even they were mostly skeptical of its existence.

Legends described it as a spear with a tip of molten gold, hot enough to burn stone.

The Molten Spear.

The legends said that it existed not only on the physical, but the spiritual plane. Some accounts said a djinni was trapped within it, giving it eternal power; another described it as the mythical Spear of Aton, the Sun God’s weapon. Some were more mysterious, describing it in terms too poetic and flowery to decipher.

But now it has been found, and a select few warrior-explorers (more or less) have set out to capture it for their own noble (or nefarious) uses! Behold the warriors assembled!

Kelsier, the once-Mistborn from Scadrial, who seeks the Molten Spear in an attempt to return himself to the book of the living!

Kaladin Stormblessed, a Knight Radiant from the Order of the Windrunners, who apparently thinks it's an honor-something!

Hoid, the worldhopping meddler! Who knows what this guy wants to do here.

Waxillium, who is a massive power-hogging bastard!

Aaand finally, a special guest… it’s Monkey D. Luffy! He just tagged along because he thought the others looked cool! His special trait is that his (sort of) uncle really is a monkey! Unfortunately they’re both dumb as bricks.

The contestants are ready. The temple is right in front of them. 3…2…1…

And we set off!

Kelsier starts off by engaging in an insult battle with Hoid! They’ll be at it for a while. But what’s this?! Kaladin is flying through the air like a… it’s like he’s falling right towards the temple! How is this possible? Waxillium follows right after, dropping bullets as he flies! Is that some sort of a ritual or is it just how he flies?

But where’s Luffy? Oh! There! He’s laughing at the insult battle! What cheek! Is he that sure of his victory?

Oh- wait—no, he got bored.  Apparently Kelsier began threatening Hoid with brutal, sadistic murder.

And now they’re fighting already. Great! Well, let’s see how our other contestants are doing, shall we?

Kaladin carved a door into the side of the temple with his Shardblade and went in! Waxillium followed through shortly, apparently deciding to run rather than fly indoors. Luffy—wait, where is he?! He’s nowhere to be seen! There’s just a—

boooooooooooooooooom

 

— a giant motherstorming explosion.

Right, well, that’s that then! Apparently Luffy managed to activate the temple’s SELF-DESTRUCT SEQUENCE! All of the contestants are probably dead. Hooray! It was a shame that I did not tell them about the self-destruct sequence, of course, but we’re only human after all!

What's that?

I did this on purpose?

No, no, no, of course not. This was simply meant to be a healthy competition between some beloved cha—

What’s that now? “Healthy competition does not include massive explosion-inducing self-destruct sequences?” Pfft. Hogwash. It’s all for entertainment! People love explosions!

Huh? But it’s not fun to watch your favourite characters die? Well, boohoo. There’s like ten million Luffys running around anyway, go find another one. What’s that? Cosmere characters aren’t like that? Well, um… Kelsier was already dead, and it’s not like you can die after you’ve died! And the rest… well, they’ll find a way. It’s not like you can’t return from the afterlife in that series. I’m sure it’s just the challenge that they’d relish. Alright folks, I’m not taking anymore quest—

He’s how durable now?

…oh.

loud, obnoxious laughing in the ruins of the temple

 

Gotta go. See you around, folks! I guess the winner by stupid amounts of plot armor and anime durability is…

MONKEY D. LUFFY!

And so, the spear of legends was thought to have been destroyed in the explosion, and the reality seemed to mirror expectations. But still, rumors began to circulate…

Was the spear really destroyed?

* * * *

Kelsier sat atop a gigantic tower, overlooking the valley beyond. It was a new place to him, really, but then that was what you’d expect from a new planet. He clutched the spear in one hand, grinning lopsidedly at it. That explosion could’ve killed someone else. Not him. You can’t kill a Cognitive Shadow with explosions.

Wait. How does that make any sense?

How does any of this make any sense?

It’s like a d—

Zoro sat up.

Well, that was a stupid dream.

Edited by Rob Lucci
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