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Having a Bad Day?: Get 'yer Hugs here!!


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My parents are going through the most drawn out, painful divorce at the moment. Long story short, they had an arranged marriage where my dad was 100% for it but my mother was pressured in to it by her father who wanted her to marry well (to a doctor). Since then, my mother has always felt that she could have done much better than my dad, who is a rather simple but kind fellow. I grew used to seeing her enjoy the extravagances of life (expensive perfumes, weekly theatre trips, luxurious meals out) whilst my dad worked seven days a week to maintain us. 

That arrangement suited her just fine, up until half a year ago. She not only called for divorce, but tried to fabricate lies that my dad was abusive in the relationship. She did this in part to hurt his reputation, but more importantly to have a clear shot at getting the house when splitting assets (which she would otherwise be unable to afford by herself). She has been spreading her false victim narrative to anyone who will listen, and has been using every dirty lie to make sure she takes everything from my dad. She even claimed for his car and she doesn't even drive!! She takes a taxi to work everyday like the pampered princess she is.

So fast forward to today, when I go to meet with my dad and his lawyer to discuss the case. I've had strong suspicions that my mother has been having an affair for the past two years. Lots of things have pointed to it really - disappearing for hours after work daily, secretive phonecalls and messages from a private number, an increase in the abundance of gifts year round to name just a few things. But today, we went through her financial statement (as both parties have to exchange it), and found that she had frequently visited hotels, on days when she claimed to be at work. My dad was completely devastated, because I think on some level he still hoped that it wasn't true. And his reaction broke my heart in to tiny pieces. So it's been a seriously rough day today, but it's also strengthened my resolve to help my dad avoid total ruin at the hands of this maniacal witch.

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5 hours ago, Caesura said:

@Draginon that sucks :( All the best for getting through it.

Thanks. I managed to get it done this afternoon by dropping everything and getting it done. There were a few books that had no numbers so I had to count them myself in order to give them what they needed. One thing that made this really dumb is I shared the original with them so many times because they're too lazy to check the Drive for themselves and I really doubt they'll give a hoot about how long these books are because they're that shallow with work.

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@PlanetReelo Omg I hate your mother so much right now, at some point I would have been sympathetic to the arranged marriage thing, but she seems to be the sort who always twists things to her own advantages and overall seems like a very selfish person (*hates selfish people).

Really sucks you have to go through that crap :( 

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3 hours ago, Darkness_ said:

@PlanetReelo Omg I hate your mother so much right now, at some point I would have been sympathetic to the arranged marriage thing, but she seems to be the sort who always twists things to her own advantages and overall seems like a very selfish person (*hates selfish people).

Really sucks you have to go through that crap :( 

That's exactly the way she is, you couldn't have put it better. She's surprisingly clever, and that combined with her ruthlessness and tendency to pathological lying makes her really formidable. It's taken a lot of energy trying to understand what she's plotting and how to out maneuver her. For example, my mother never used to spend a penny of her salary on the household, so my dad paid bills/mortgage/food costs/clothing costs etc. But since she called for divorce she's basically been throwing her money at my younger brothers, letting them buy whatever they want just to show that she does make a considerable contribution to the household and therefore will require more money from him as support. 

I really appreciate the support @Darkness_ @A Budgie @Ammanas @Ookla the Dragon...all of you are pretty awesome peeps! :) You have no idea the world of good it has done me just talking about it on here, I already feel some weight off my shoulders. Because i've been advised not to broadcast my mother's 'indiscretions' to our social circle so that I can appear neutral enough to give a statement in court if it ever comes to that, I've had to keep this more or less to myself until now. Feels good to just let it out.

Edited by PlanetReelo
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3 hours ago, PlanetReelo said:

That's exactly the way she is, you couldn't have put it better. She's surprisingly clever, and that combined with her ruthlessness and tendency to pathological lying makes her really formidable. It's taken a lot of energy trying to understand what she's plotting and how to out maneuver her. For example, my mother never used to spend a penny of her salary on the household, so my dad paid bills/mortgage/food costs/clothing costs etc. But since she called for divorce she's basically been throwing her money at my younger brothers, letting them buy whatever they want just to show that she does make a considerable contribution to the household and therefore will require more money from him as support. 

I really appreciate the support @Darkness_ @A Budgie @Ammanas @Ookla the Dragon...all of you are pretty awesome peeps! :) You have no idea the world of good it has done me just talking about it on here, I already feel some weight off my shoulders. Because i've been advised not to broadcast my mother's 'indiscretions' to our social circle so that I can appear neutral enough to give a statement in court if it ever comes to that, I've had to keep this more or less to myself until now. Feels good to just let it out.

Sounds like a sociopath.

No worries PR, good to know we helped ya.

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3 hours ago, PlanetReelo said:

That's exactly the way she is, you couldn't have put it better. She's surprisingly clever, and that combined with her ruthlessness and tendency to pathological lying makes her really formidable. It's taken a lot of energy trying to understand what she's plotting and how to out maneuver her. For example, my mother never used to spend a penny of her salary on the household, so my dad paid bills/mortgage/food costs/clothing costs etc. But since she called for divorce she's basically been throwing her money at my younger brothers, letting them buy whatever they want just to show that she does make a considerable contribution to the household and therefore will require more money from him as support. 

I really appreciate the support @Darkness_ @A Budgie @Ammanas @Ookla the Dragon...all of you are pretty awesome peeps! :) You have no idea the world of good it has done me just talking about it on here, I already feel some weight off my shoulders. Because i've been advised not to broadcast my mother's 'indiscretions' to our social circle so that I can appear neutral enough to give a statement in court if it ever comes to that, I've had to keep this more or less to myself until now. Feels good to just let it out.

Just remember that this isn't a one time thing, and feel free to use this for a stress dumping ground. Or, pm Darkness and I if you prefer. 

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hugs for all who need it.  Particularly @Draginon and @PlanetReelo

I'm in IT work in a nonprofit.  We had layoffs yesterday.  I've been the person laid off twice in my life so even though I survived this cut (I'm as immune as someone can be from that as literally no one else can do my job and my job directly affects over 100 peoples' ability to do their jobs) I take it pretty hard.  We're down as low as we can go and still maintain any kind of real service to all our facilities.  The guy we lost from IT has a wife and two kids and was blindsided by this.   Then we had a major outage affected 14 sites.  Twas a rough day. I went to see Thor to try to blow off steam but I'm still kinda on edge.

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@PlanetReelo Your mudder, that is not a misspelling, is bonkers! Some parts sounded like mine (the lying for instance) but yours is outright psychotic! At least you didn't end up like her.

@A Budgie Thanks. I'm still contemplating leaving after this year and going to work at Barnes & Noble or something next year.

@Mulk Thanks for the hug! These people I work for are insane. Half the time I think they have meetings just to plan meetings!

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I think.... I think I'm starting to heal. Things are finally starting to go right again, sort of. 

Unfortunately I'm going to have to face my demons here in a week or so. She still wanted to be friends and I said I need space for a month. I really don't want to be cut off from that friend group, my last relationship went so sour that that happened and I don't want that. So. I will have to face the girl I loved and who broke my heart, and act like she's my friend.

The hardest moments are when I feel empty inside. I used to be able to turn to her and get respite. But now, I've had to buck up and start turning to God in those moments. That... might be the upside out of all of this. 

More than anything, i had a profound self realization. I care. That, I think, is a fundamental aspect of my personality. And that is something I'm going to need to find in my future wife. I guess she didn't care enough. So... yeah. 

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6 hours ago, Steeldancer said:

I think.... I think I'm starting to heal. Things are finally starting to go right again, sort of. 

Unfortunately I'm going to have to face my demons here in a week or so. She still wanted to be friends and I said I need space for a month. I really don't want to be cut off from that friend group, my last relationship went so sour that that happened and I don't want that. So. I will have to face the girl I loved and who broke my heart, and act like she's my friend.

The hardest moments are when I feel empty inside. I used to be able to turn to her and get respite. But now, I've had to buck up and start turning to God in those moments. That... might be the upside out of all of this. 

More than anything, i had a profound self realization. I care. That, I think, is a fundamental aspect of my personality. And that is something I'm going to need to find in my future wife. I guess she didn't care enough. So... yeah. 

*has nothing to say so*

 

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I don't know if I ever had worse situation than right now...

1. There are 17 cats under our care. More than we can afford right now.

2. 10 of the cats are in our flat, 7 are in my fiancee's grandmother flat. The grandmother is too old and stick to help take care of them, so we have to visit her place 2 times a day to feed them, clean, give meds etc.

3. Grandmother's flat is 1,5h by bus or 30 minutes by car. I used to go by car every evening, but...

4. I had a car accident two days ago. I wasn't injured, it wasn't my fault, but the car will probably go to scrapheap, because it was old and the insurance company will say it's too expensive to fix.

5. My grandmother twisted her ankle yesterday.

6. My finance is so sick, I have to take care of all the 17 cats and her.

7. My father doesn't remember I had a car accident. We're at the hospital right now with him, waiting for diagnosis...

 

Life is not pulling punches right now...

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4 hours ago, Mestiv said:

I don't know if I ever had worse situation than right now...

1. There are 17 cats under our care. More than we can afford right now.

2. 10 of the cats are in our flat, 7 are in my fiancee's grandmother flat. The grandmother is too old and stick to help take care of them, so we have to visit her place 2 times a day to feed them, clean, give meds etc.

3. Grandmother's flat is 1,5h by bus or 30 minutes by car. I used to go by car every evening, but...

4. I had a car accident two days ago. I wasn't injured, it wasn't my fault, but the car will probably go to scrapheap, because it was old and the insurance company will say it's too expensive to fix.

5. My grandmother twisted her ankle yesterday.

6. My finance is so sick, I have to take care of all the 17 cats and her.

7. My father doesn't remember I had a car accident. We're at the hospital right now with him, waiting for diagnosis...

 

Life is not pulling punches right now...

That's... a lot of cats. 

I hope things work out Mestiv. 

Eh I might as well complain a bit more. So last year I went to Conference AllState, the choir composed of the best singers in the state. It was amazing. I made a goal to get an 100 on my solo and get in. 

Unfortunately, i was an idiot and I decided to change voice parts, to Bass 1, from Tenor 2. I got an 100 on my solo, and I felt great. 

Then I got a letter saying I was an alternate.

And now I know I'm not getting in, because there were too many 100s. And I so desperately wanted to be in that choir again, and I'm really depressed about it. I worked my butt off to get that 100, and now... I don't get in because I changed voice parts. If I had stuck with Tenor 2, i probably would have gotten in. 

Nothing I can do now, but just be kind of upset. 

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22 hours ago, Steeldancer said:

That's... a lot of cats. 

I hope things work out Mestiv.

 

8 hours ago, Darkness_ said:

Oh my god @Mestiv That sounds horrid, hope you pull through, know that we're with you.

Aw now theres no need for that. *hugs, go have an icecream.

 

7 hours ago, A Budgie said:

@Mestiv woah, that sounds difficult. I hope everything works out, your cats are happy, and your fiancee gets better soon.

 

6 hours ago, Extesian said:

Oh @Mestiv. I'm sorry dude. I hope all those things end up ok, particularly the health of your loved ones. 

 

14 minutes ago, Oversleep said:

@Mestiv oh man. That's... that's pretty horrible. I hope you find the strength to go through it all.

Thanks guys, I appreciate your support. My dad's better now, he remembers everything except yesterday evening when the whole incident took place. We hope this was some weird one time thing that won't happen again... For now, he's staying in hospital for further diagnosis and observation.

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I've been wanting to join the local youth orchestra on trombone for some time. I've been asking a violinist I know who takes lessons from the director for some time for details about difficulty of music, whether or not they'd take me on euphonium if the music is too hard for me to do on trombone, and when and where wind auditions will be. All I've gotten back has been nebulous answers about the director somehow having all her scores destroyed or lost, how "I should just learn trombone," and how auditions would be "sometime in the fall."

Well, about four hours ago I got a text that said auditions would be tomorrow. I have a lesson tomorrow at a time dangerously close to the audition times. Apparently the auditions will be our all-region music, which I only have for euphonium. I still don't even know if they'll let me audition on euph.

The most obnoxious thing is that all I've heard from the director (all through my friend, as there's apparently no way possible to contact her directly) is excuse after conflicting excuse. Whenever she was asked about dates she said they weren't set yet, but also she didn't know, because someone else handles wind auditions, but also she just forgot and "you should just ask later"...

This is her orchestra. She is in charge. If someone else handles wind auditions, it's her job to communicate with them and get the dates. If she's so forgetful, maybe she needs a planner or a calendar. If they're not set, she needs to get her act together. This is inconsiderate and unprofessional at the least, if not outright disrespectful.

tl;dr I want to join an orchestra but the director is either annoyingly forgetful or incompetent and I am ticked

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I don't really know what thread to post in. Saw a doctor again today for test results and got good new and bad news.

The good news was basically that the existing symptoms weren't pointing to something else seriously wrong. The bad news is that there wasn't really anything new to help with said symptoms.

I don't have arthritis, which is definitely good. But there is no clear reason for the muscle pains I get or anything to really do to stop them. They'll "probably" go away in time and in the meantime anti-inflammatory stuff like Nurofen might help reduce the symptoms temporarily but otherwise I just have to wait and see.

Similarly the CT scan showed that there isn't anything else wrong with my head. My brain is fine and there aren't any tumors or anything. There is inflammation and congestion in some of the sinuses and the interior of my nose is supremely wonky but that's nothing new. So basically that was exactly as expected and the thing to do for now is to continue with the nasal spray he gave me a script for last time. Hasn't been long enough yet to really tell if that will have any impact, but I have little reason to expect that it will when nothing else does.

so...eh.

It's definitely nice that there isn't something else seriously wrong causing these issues. But I was holding onto a small hope of actually finding a cause that we could really *do* something about. So for the time being I will have to continue to expend the majority of my energy and willpower coping with constant crippling pain. But hey! At least it isn't caused by something really serious, it's just the symptoms that are bad.

(I am managing "ok" mentally, it's just really not fun.)

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On 03/11/2017 at 3:59 PM, Silverblade5 said:

Just remember that this isn't a one time thing, and feel free to use this for a stress dumping ground. Or, pm Darkness and I if you prefer. 

Exactly. This is a rant zone. Feel free to come back whenever. 

On 03/11/2017 at 6:10 PM, Steeldancer said:

I think.... I think I'm starting to heal. Things are finally starting to go right again, sort of. 

Unfortunately I'm going to have to face my demons here in a week or so. She still wanted to be friends and I said I need space for a month. I really don't want to be cut off from that friend group, my last relationship went so sour that that happened and I don't want that. So. I will have to face the girl I loved and who broke my heart, and act like she's my friend.

The hardest moments are when I feel empty inside. I used to be able to turn to her and get respite. But now, I've had to buck up and start turning to God in those moments. That... might be the upside out of all of this. 

More than anything, i had a profound self realization. I care. That, I think, is a fundamental aspect of my personality. And that is something I'm going to need to find in my future wife. I guess she didn't care enough. So... yeah. 

Caring is a wonderful thing. It just opens you up to pain. I don't really have anything profound to say but I feel you man. And I'm sorry you're hurting. *hugs*

On 05/11/2017 at 7:44 PM, Mestiv said:

I don't know if I ever had worse situation than right now...

1. There are 17 cats under our care. More than we can afford right now.

2. 10 of the cats are in our flat, 7 are in my fiancee's grandmother flat. The grandmother is too old and stick to help take care of them, so we have to visit her place 2 times a day to feed them, clean, give meds etc.

3. Grandmother's flat is 1,5h by bus or 30 minutes by car. I used to go by car every evening, but...

4. I had a car accident two days ago. I wasn't injured, it wasn't my fault, but the car will probably go to scrapheap, because it was old and the insurance company will say it's too expensive to fix.

5. My grandmother twisted her ankle yesterday.

6. My finance is so sick, I have to take care of all the 17 cats and her.

7. My father doesn't remember I had a car accident. We're at the hospital right now with him, waiting for diagnosis...

 

Life is not pulling punches right now...

Oy. That's no good. Hang in there, we all know that you're awesome. 

3 hours ago, Claincy said:

I don't really know what thread to post in. Saw a doctor again today for test results and got good new and bad news.

The good news was basically that the existing symptoms weren't pointing to something else seriously wrong. The bad news is that there wasn't really anything new to help with said symptoms.

I don't have arthritis, which is definitely good. But there is no clear reason for the muscle pains I get or anything to really do to stop them. They'll "probably" go away in time and in the meantime anti-inflammatory stuff like Nurofen might help reduce the symptoms temporarily but otherwise I just have to wait and see.

Similarly the CT scan showed that there isn't anything else wrong with my head. My brain is fine and there aren't any tumors or anything. There is inflammation and congestion in some of the sinuses and the interior of my nose is supremely wonky but that's nothing new. So basically that was exactly as expected and the thing to do for now is to continue with the nasal spray he gave me a script for last time. Hasn't been long enough yet to really tell if that will have any impact, but I have little reason to expect that it will when nothing else does.

so...eh.

It's definitely nice that there isn't something else seriously wrong causing these issues. But I was holding onto a small hope of actually finding a cause that we could really *do* something about. So for the time being I will have to continue to expend the majority of my energy and willpower coping with constant crippling pain. But hey! At least it isn't caused by something really serious, it's just the symptoms that are bad.

(I am managing "ok" mentally, it's just really not fun.)

I relate. I've had issues before that were never properly diagnosed. Sometimes I wished they would just find something wrong so we could finally start treating it. *gentle hugs*

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