bobsaveg Posted November 30, 2015 Report Share Posted November 30, 2015 (edited) So I have many ideas for short novels or books and some that are not so short. This story is happens on the same world as two of my other shorts and I hope to eventually link them. Gift of bones is about a boy who can shape shift in a very Mistborn Kandra way, (though I tried not to copy too much of Brandon's work.) This boy ends up having to learn how to use his powers alone for a while before finding a master all the while keeping hidden from a religious order trying to hunt his kind down and kill them. A Note of Warning, I am not a writer and I have little time for it, but I have always wanted to write, and I love telling stories. So this is just a short piece of one where I finally got down a wrote what was in my head. Hope you like it, if you do I'll bother to write the rest of it, The part that explains the title perhaps GiftOfBones.docx.zip GiftOfBones.docx.pdf Edited December 2, 2015 by bobsaveg 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bobsaveg Posted December 1, 2015 Author Report Share Posted December 1, 2015 sorry fixed some errors uploaded new version 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lilpadfoot Posted December 2, 2015 Report Share Posted December 2, 2015 Every time I try to open the link it doesn't work from my iPad 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bobsaveg Posted December 2, 2015 Author Report Share Posted December 2, 2015 Ok I think I got it to work for Ipads too If anyone else has a problem let me know 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ChickenPlague Posted December 2, 2015 Report Share Posted December 2, 2015 Liked it but he changing hair color when that's what they're known fo just seems unlikely. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bobsaveg Posted December 3, 2015 Author Report Share Posted December 3, 2015 Liked it but he changing hair color when that's what they're known fo just seems unlikely. So to answer your question simply he changes his hair and getting caught happened because I wanted the reader to know that he could and I needed him to get caught. But after you wrote that I sat and thought why would my character do something so stupid? Then It came to me, For the same reason he chose to make a baby laugh instead of eating, He has a soft spot for younger kids and he is a seven year old boy who has his priorities mixed up a bit. I hope that answers it for you, thanks for the comment because of it I'm starting to invent this whole back story where he gets really attached to a toddler. 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lilpadfoot Posted December 3, 2015 Report Share Posted December 3, 2015 I feel like the main character needs to be more afraid of these Holy Hunters. They have a weird description, and that's fine, I just do not feel the fear of them from Wren. Otherwise, I feel like it is a good idea, the writing does not keep me completely drawn to the story, but good enough that I may want to read more. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ChickenPlague Posted December 3, 2015 Report Share Posted December 3, 2015 Oh now it makes more sense. I just didn't think he was really that young due to his skill with his powers 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bobsaveg Posted December 4, 2015 Author Report Share Posted December 4, 2015 Oh now it makes more sense. I just didn't think he was really that young due to his skill with his powers Thanks, Yeah These Are just his basic abilities when he is hosting his own body. They come to him like a second nature just like walking, talking, running, jumping, growing a new face, and increasing muscle mass in your legs. You know the usual stuff for a growing young child. He ends up finding a master and learning the full extent of his powers but I'm debating whether I want him to have more time on the streets or If I should just skip to finding his teacher. Your thoughts anyone. I always liked it in novels when they had the orphan boy/girl having to tough it and survive on the streets, but I feel like I might be holding back the plot unnecessarily. 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bobsaveg Posted December 4, 2015 Author Report Share Posted December 4, 2015 I feel like the main character needs to be more afraid of these Holy Hunters. They have a weird description, and that's fine, I just do not feel the fear of them from Wren. Otherwise, I feel like it is a good idea, the writing does not keep me completely drawn to the story, but good enough that I may want to read more. I know I am struggling with it myself, I wanted to have the scene of him running from them be longer, but if it had He would be dead so, my real trouble is conveying that reality to the reader. The only way he gets away from them is that he almost never really encounters them for longer than a second. 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Young Bard Posted December 4, 2015 Report Share Posted December 4, 2015 You could make it a double meaning - "Gift" in German means "poison". It would be fun to tinker with... *scuttles off to think* 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bobsaveg Posted December 5, 2015 Author Report Share Posted December 5, 2015 (edited) You could make it a double meaning - "Gift" in German means "poison". It would be fun to tinker with... *scuttles off to think* I like the word play, but it doesn't fit with the story, not that you could have know. I mentioned earlier that the shape sifters use a very similar type of magic as the kandra in Mistborn. In order for Wren to actually shape shift into something other than just a different version of himself he needs a new "frame" as I call it. Whether its A doll, the bones of another person or animal, or a wooden manikin or puppet, wrens magic allows him to transfer himself onto these "frames and control them. The size of the frame is limited to the amount of tissue mass Wren has at his disposal. Ergo as a kid he cant take over the frame of an adult to much to big for now. The name Gift Of Bones refers to the obtaining of frames for use. Edited December 5, 2015 by bobsaveg 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bobsaveg Posted December 5, 2015 Author Report Share Posted December 5, 2015 Actually here is a list of the limits and abilities of the magic so far Gift of bones magic system Rules Shifters can only die in their real body Shifters can only age and grow in their real body Shifters can only reproduce in their own body A Shifter can manipulate any part of their body except the bones Shifters cannot perfectly copy someone else unless that person is dead and they have their bones shifters can build then cover frames with their flesh to control. These can be made from metal wood whatever and are only limited in size by the amount of flesh need to operate them. Using their blood shifters can create a room or "closet" that they keep their "frames" in. These frames can be accessed by the shifters powers from anywhere allowing them to change into any of their forms. No other shifter can access another's closet unless they have absorbed some of the others blood. There is a time delay when changing between forms. This time delay does not exist if changing to or from their original body. Shifters can't get sick unless they want to and have near perfect memories. Their real bodies do not scar, all harm inflicted on the flesh is healed. Bones can be broken and limbs lost though. 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ChickenPlague Posted December 5, 2015 Report Share Posted December 5, 2015 (edited) Could a Shifter use fat for mass? Could he use transfused blood to create muscle? Would an arrow to the heart kill him? Edited December 5, 2015 by ChickenPlague 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bobsaveg Posted December 6, 2015 Author Report Share Posted December 6, 2015 Yes Fat mass can be used But only to change the look or shape of something, The fat can't become muscle. As far as the transfused blood, the process would take the same amount of time as it takes a normal person to grow more muscle. Also they lack the technology and knowledge for a transfusion during the stories era. No an arrow to the heart would not kill him if he was in a different body other than his original. If the Shifter was in his or her original body then an arrow or sword to the heart could kill him if he lost too much blood too soon or didn't eject the arrow and close the wound soon enough. Although It just occurred to me that with a little time he could just make a new heart using muscles and tissues from other parts of his body until his real heart healed. However they are not invincible, especially in their original bodies getting your head smashed in will definitely mess them up or kill them. Also they can move already existing flesh around but creating new flesh take time and really healing from large injuries is difficult. 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Eagle of the Forest Path Posted December 9, 2015 Report Share Posted December 9, 2015 Shifters can only reproduce in their own body Does this include pregnancy? 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ChickenPlague Posted December 9, 2015 Report Share Posted December 9, 2015 Can shifters change genders? 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bobsaveg Posted December 10, 2015 Author Report Share Posted December 10, 2015 Does this include pregnancy? Yes very much so, this is one of the main plots in the book and also one of the weaknesses for Shifter women, Literally for nine months they are very killable and the amount of changes they can do to their pregnant body is limited also. Due to this many shifters tend not to reproduce at all. Another reason why there are so few of them 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bobsaveg Posted December 10, 2015 Author Report Share Posted December 10, 2015 Can shifters change genders? In their original bodies no, not completely, they can mimic a lot of the physical appearance, Chest, legs, ext, but actual gender no. Now If a shifter pics up the body/ bones of someone from he opposite gender then yes everything would be the same, and physical they would have a different gender, but be unable to reproduce. Now I'm not trying to make a political statement here or anything, that's just how the magic system works. 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bobsaveg Posted December 10, 2015 Author Report Share Posted December 10, 2015 (edited) Alright Thank you everybody. I have another page or so of the story it is kinda choppy I want to fill it in with more details later, maybe in a rewrite, but for now I am just trying to advance the plot and move the story along for you guys. I know how I want the plot to go it is just a pain making up all this stuff getting there you know. ha ha ha sad face and tears. He put the mirror down letting his face reform to normal. His stomach rumbled again, and he placed his hand to it rubbing gently, partly out of hunger and partly for the warmth of it. He picked up the crossbow again, could I use this for something, how to get food with a crossbow. Few would buy one made for a child, and Wren couldn't image himself actually using it to mug someone. He set it aside and again grabbed the steel silk. This though, this is definitely worth something, but who to sell it to? As he counted off the lengths of cord he had which was about ten arm spans, a thought occurred to him. Wren realized he could lower himself from nearly anywhere to gain access to otherwise secure places. I'm going to eat so much delicious food now, Wren thought, the beginnings of a plan already forming inside his head. ____________________________ ______________ The Plan hadn't worked. Wren fought back tears of pain as he limped back to one of his other hideouts, one much closer than the river one he had left earlier. His attempt to climb down the steel silk cord into a shop keepers storage area had gone horribly wrong. His error was thinking he could maintain a grip on the slender cord, but even with enhanced muscles it had proved to fine and had slid though his grip, giving him a rope burn on both hands and resulting in his falling twelve feet onto his right leg. The dull ache in his leg now was nothing compared to the blinding waves of pain he had felt when he had landed on it. He remembered lying on the ground in the storage area holding back the screams of pain that wished to explode from his lips. After several minutes of panting he had been able to grab a few things and had somehow made it back up the cord and out of there, most of everything that had occurred since the fall was a white blur for him. Finally he made it to his hideout near the market and slid down the brick wall that made one of its sides. After reaching over and struggling to pull the wooden crate into place as his door he leaned back and gingerly poked at his broken leg. His skin felt cold and clammy and he knew he was not doing well. He could feel his mental control of his bodies function slipping from him, and if that happened the full force of his pain would hit him. As he had walked he had shut off much of his pain senders in his leg. This had allowed him to walk and stay conscious at the same time, but he couldn't take away all the pain or he'd end up doing much more damage to it without realizing. Healing was going to take time, he could feel inside of his lower leg where the bone had broken. It hadn't punched through the skin but it had cut a few muscles when it had snapped sideways. Curses! A full break, not just a fracture, he thought probing the break with his mind. He could tell that the bone was still out of place, this, is going to be unpleasant, he thought as he willed the skin and flesh around the break to open up in a long line down his leg exposing the bone beneath. He could see the break it was jagged and longer on one side then the other. Wren clenched his jaw as he pulled then pushed the bones back into place. Looking it over to make sure it was seamless as possible, Wren let out a low moan of pain. He slowly decreased his pain now that he wouldn't be moving it around. Then began the process of wrapping the bone with tendons and muscle to keep it from moving, he would have to make a wooden splint for it later. Exhausted he lay back against the wall, only then did he notice how cold he was, his fingers were shaking from the stress and cold and he was beginning to shiver. Fire, I need to start a fire, and eat, his inner voice warned. He had some wood scraps laying around for this purpose after making a little nest of dry tinder he poured a little oil and old used wax onto it then struck some sparks into the mess until it lit. Wren always felt better when seeing the steady heartbeat of a flame burning, and this time it was with true joy that he saw the fire take life. He would have to gather more wood for it later, but luckily the night was almost over so he wouldn't need much. After building up his little fire he grabbed a few bricks he had taken from a rundown building and built a little box around three sides of the fire making a little hearth for himself. It was only then that Wren even remembered the small sack of food that he had grabbed from the storage room after his fall. Inside was a few potatoes and some carrots along with three apples and what he had thought was a round loaf of bread but turned out to be cheese. He searched through his things until he found a flower pot he had stolen from a rooftop garden once, he had plugged the hole in the bottom with clay long ago and it served as his makeshift pot. After pouring some of the water he stored in old liquor bottles into the pot he set it into the fire surrounding it with burning sticks. Breaking one of the potatoes and a carrot up he dropped the pieces in and left them to boil. Grabbing one of the apples he bit into it and started to feel a little better, the cheese followed after the apple had been consumed, though he only managed a few bites of the stuff. It was really strong, Wren guessed it was some type of goat cheese though he had little experience with the stuff. The cheese made him too thirsty to keep eating it despite his hunger so he set it down and decided to drag himself outside in search of some more wood while he waited for the food to boil. Edited December 13, 2015 by bobsaveg 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Eagle of the Forest Path Posted December 10, 2015 Report Share Posted December 10, 2015 Nitpicking here, but a flower pot would make a terrible cooking pot, since ceramics are (nearly always) thermal insulators. The story is interesting so far, can't wait to see where you take it. 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bobsaveg Posted December 11, 2015 Author Report Share Posted December 11, 2015 (edited) Nitpicking here, but a flower pot would make a terrible cooking pot, since ceramics are (nearly always) thermal insulators. The story is interesting so far, can't wait to see where you take it. Thanks for your post, but actually ceramic pots were widely used around the world in primitive cultures for cooking, they take a long time to heat up but once they do it requires very little additional heat for them to maintain temperature. Much like a caste iron Dutch oven. However you are right in that the way he put it up on bricks above the flame wouldn't work, he would have to put it down in the coals and surround it with flame in order for it to actually boil. Thanks I'll make the necessary edits. This is so nice it's like I get a whole team of editors helping me weed out the bugs thanks guys Either way I'm glad you bothered to read it thank you and I'll try and hurry to get some more written Edited December 11, 2015 by bobsaveg 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ChickenPlague Posted December 11, 2015 Report Share Posted December 11, 2015 Do a Shifters bones heal if he is not in his original form? 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bobsaveg Posted December 11, 2015 Author Report Share Posted December 11, 2015 Do a Shifters bones heal if he is not in his original form? Oh that's good I have never thought of that but now that I have the answer is no they do not if a "frame" gets broken then it needs to either be repaired in some other way or it junk. But it would be easy enough to replace a broken bone with a piece of carved wood, or wrap the broken bone with metal. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Eagle of the Forest Path Posted December 11, 2015 Report Share Posted December 11, 2015 Hmm, that's troublesome. At what point of replacing broken bones with wooden stand-ins does the original set of bones cease to be the shifter's real body? 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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