Genders

[Kestrel]

So, I was honestly wondering what the gender ratio on this forum is.

Not sure if the poll is gonna work but.

 

In any case, I'm agender, more demigirl than anything? I like either they/them or she/her pronouns. I kinda go between the two often. why isnt there an other option on the gender field of the profile

 

What about you guys?

[Kipper]

I'm male. But you guys knew that already.

[skaa]

I voted male, but given that (unlike sex) gender is a social construct, I don't feel the need to strictly align myself with Western-derived male gender norms (e.g. acting dominant and fearless, speaking in a deep voice, rarely smiling, liking sports, etc.) other than the stuff I had actually grown used to/fond of like wearing "male clothing", and keeping my facial hair. I'm also heterosexual, but most people I meet in real life assume differently because I don't always "act straight", as if the way I talk or the way I deal with people indicates which sex I'm attracted to.

 

*is slightly bitter*

Edited July 7, 2015 by skaa

[Kaymyth]

I am female, though my husband and I don't quite fit into all of the societal gender norms.  Part of that is that he's a fairly mild-mannered sort of guy, and my last endocrine workup showed that I have somewhat higher testosterone levels than the average.  But yeah, I like to get my husband flowers for Valentine's Day, and I don't intend to stop doing it anytime soon.

 

As for my social circle, I have at least one friend for every bit of the LGBT alphabet soup, along with a few who have just about had to make up their own letters.  At least one is gender-neutral, and I now know two different gender-fluid people who tend to drift back and forth on the dial.

[Kobold King]

Pffft. Perhaps this sounds insensitive of me, but I find the whole gender debate just a tad bit silly.

 

 

I have twirled around in the middle of a rainstorm, belting My Little Pony songs at the top of my lungs before skipping through a field of wet flowers. If you doubt my sincerity in that statement, ask any of my family members. They'll collaborate my statement.

 

The point is, I carry a purse, watch ponies, skip when I feel like it, and am not above batting my eyelashes and making my cousins feel uncomfortable by asking if they think I'm pretty. These are behaviors that are generally categorized as female, but as Skaa astutely observed, social constructs do as social constructs do.

 

I was born male. As far as I'm concerned, being male is my birthright, and I get to choose what that means. If I decide that skipping through a field of flowers is male, then it is. If I decide that carrying a pink floral purse in public is male, then it is. I don't "identify" as female because to me, changing the way I identify myself is conceding defeat. It would be admitting that their definition of being male is unarguable, and that the only way to act in the way you like is to change your gender.

 

I'd rather make my own rules about what being male means than try to sort myself onto the expansive gender-queer spectrum. I'm not really male, I'm not female, I'm not really transgender or asexual... I'm Kobold King, and that means exactly what I say it means. Nothing more, nothing less.

 

 

 

EDIT: Disclaimer, the purse I carry isn't actually my own. It's my mother's. While my father always holds it at arm's length as if he worries it will bite him, I feel no qualms about wandering across the supermarket with it slung over my arm beside me.

 

Just thought I'd avoid giving the impression that I am a purse aficionado, because while purses are neither male nor female, they're not really Kobold King either. I prefer deep pockets.

Edited July 7, 2015 by Kobold King

[Titan Arum]

Well said skaa and Kobold King. 

 

I am a heterosexual male that identifies as a male. I do a lot of stereotypical male things like play soccer, go backpacking and hiking, have grown a beard for the last 6 years, and drink/make beer. However, I'm not a "manly man". I never will be and I never aspire to be. In America, the stereotypical manly man is muscular, drives a pick up truck, is very assertive, likes to hunt and fish, and build/fix things with their hands. And in my opinion, he seems rather degrading to women. These type of men to me are a trope. Sorry but not sorry: that's not me. My girlfriend recognizes that I'm not such a man and she loves me for it. And conversely I love her for not being overly girly in any way. I'd say we both skew away from the idea of the stereotypical gender in America, but we don't care and are happy with who we are. 

 

In the end, as Kobold said: I am me. I am accepting of everyone and every creed to life. I grew up with and went to university with many gay friends, straight friends, transgendered friends, and everything in between on the Kinsey scale. In college I lived with two gay guys: one of whom was the Queen of my university and the other was tall, drop-dead handsome, in great shape, and had gorgeous hair (many of our female friends fawned over his hair). We also lived with a very stereotypical male: he loved Metallica and all types of metal, studied geology and physics, grew a giant beard, built things by hand such as bikes and electronics, and basically backpacked every weekend. The four of us were and still are best friends. We all set aside what society "told" us was gender, and accepted each other for who we are. 

[Delightful]

Pffft. Perhaps this sounds insensitive of me, but I find the whole gender debate just a tad bit silly.

The point is, I carry a purse, watch ponies, skip when I feel like it, and am not above batting my eyelashes and making my cousins feel uncomfortable by asking if they think I'm pretty. These are behaviors that are generally categorized as female, but as Skaa astutely observed, social constructs do as social constructs do.

I was born male. As far as I'm concerned, being male is my birthright, and I get to choose what that means. If I decide that skipping through a field of flowers is male, then it is. If I decide that carrying a pink floral purse in public is male, then it is. I don't "identify" as female because to me, changing the way I identify myself is conceding defeat. It would be admitting that their definition of being male is unarguable, and that the only way to act in the way you like is to change your gender.

EDIT: Disclaimer, the purse I carry isn't actually my own. It's my mother's. While my father always holds it at arm's length as if he worries it will bite him, I feel no qualms about wandering across the supermarket with it slung over my arm beside me.

Just thought I'd avoid giving the impression that I am a purse aficionado, because while purses are neither male nor female, they're not really Kobold King either. I prefer deep pockets.

I agree with Kobold on this one (though as always I'm open to new information). I don't really "get" genderqueer. It seems to me that if you, as a female, don't wear makeup every day and twirl around in fancy dresses and heels, or if you're a male and don't enjoy drilling or fixing cars or being tough and dominant.......it doesn't make you any less male or female. You can be female and a short haired tattooed car mechanic. You can be male and be a long haired fashion designer. Because we're individual and nobody fits a stereotype and masculinity/femininity means something different to all of us. So yeah, I don't really understand queer. To me it looks like 'wel I don't fit this rigid stereotype therefore I'm not male/female'. And that doesn't make sense to me.

Like i said above: if I'm totally missing the point, please enlighten me .

And kobold: deep pockets. You know how hard it is to find women's clothing with ANY pockets, nevermind deep ones? *grumble grumble grumble*.

[Kestrel]

I agree with Kobold on this one (though as always I'm open to new information). I don't really "get" genderqueer. It seems to me that if you, as a female, don't wear makeup every day and twirl around in fancy dresses and heels, or if you're a male and don't enjoy drilling or fixing cars or being tough and dominant.......it doesn't make you any less male or female. You can be female and a short haired tattooed car mechanic. You can be male and be a long haired fashion designer. Because we're individual and nobody fits a stereotype and masculinity/femininity means something different to all of us. So yeah, I don't really understand queer. To me it looks like 'wel I don't fit this rigid stereotype therefore I'm not male/female'. And that doesn't make sense to me.

Like i said above: if I'm totally missing the point, please enlighten me .

And kobold: deep pockets. You know how hard it is to find women's clothing with ANY pockets, nevermind deep ones? *grumble grumble grumble*.

The thing with gender identity/gender queer isn't really fitting the stereotype per say, its more of "I don't feel right in my own body." It has nothing to do with the clothes you wear or makeup or how you act, its how you feel internally.

I kinda decided I was agender when I just.. didn't feel like either. I don't entirely know how to explain it in words. It was more of just a feeling that I wasn't either male or female.

I'm still questioning, though. It just depends on the day. Sometimes I feel more female than not, but its not something I can describe easily. And its not how I dress or whatever, because I dress basically the same every day. Some days I just feel more comfortable with my birth sex than others.

I don't know, I know I sound confusing right now. But. Its really hard to explain and I'm not the best person to do it.

[Kaymyth]

The thing with gender identity/gender queer isn't really fitting the stereotype per say, its more of "I don't feel right in my own body." It has nothing to do with the clothes you wear or makeup or how you act, its how you feel internally.

I kinda decided I was agender when I just.. didn't feel like either. I don't entirely know how to explain it in words. It was more of just a feeling that I wasn't either male or female.

I'm still questioning, though. It just depends on the day. Sometimes I feel more female than not, but its not something I can describe easily. And its not how I dress or whatever, because I dress basically the same every day. Some days I just feel more comfortable with my birth sex than others.

I don't know, I know I sound confusing right now. But. Its really hard to explain and I'm not the best person to do it.

 

A lot of this.

 

To continue on that vein, just from the conversations I've had with others, it's a lot like this.  There's a big difference between adhering to a gender stereotype and having a gender identity that differs from your sex.  Most people who are trans* of some type experience a level of body dysphoria.  It's not about whether you act feminine or masculine, it's about who you are at the very core.  Little things like hearing a female-timbred voice come out of your mouth when your brain insists that you should, at the very highest, be a tenor are constantly jarring to trans* folks.

 

Basically, their body is telling them one thing, while their brain is telling them something completely different.  It can be a bit hard to grok for those of us whose internal identities match up with our external appearance.  Imagine going to bed one night and waking up in a body of the opposite sex.  You're still you, exactly as you would have looked, but suddenly you're different.  And your memories and all of the people around you are telling you that this is the way it's always been, but every core of your being is telling you that it's wrong.  That's what it's like for a trans* person.

[Voidus]

I identify as an asexual amorphous entity of destructive chaos destined to brin ruin and destruction to all.
But I suppose you could also call me male

[ThirdGen]

I tend to find most gender-stereotypical behavior irritating, like there's a set of cliches you choose from.

 

Uhh, that's about it.  I'm male.  I don't really think about it.  If we were all grey blank putty people, that wouldn't really bother me, as long as we can still go enjoy things, have complex and deep relationships with others, you know, be human.

[Delightful]

The thing with gender identity/gender queer isn't really fitting the stereotype per say, its more of "I don't feel right in my own body." It has nothing to do with the clothes you wear or makeup or how you act, its how you feel internally.

I kinda decided I was agender when I just.. didn't feel like either. I don't entirely know how to explain it in words. It was more of just a feeling that I wasn't either male or female.

I'm still questioning, though. It just depends on the day. Sometimes I feel more female than not, but its not something I can describe easily. And its not how I dress or whatever, because I dress basically the same every day. Some days I just feel more comfortable with my birth sex than others.

I don't know, I know I sound confusing right now. But. Its really hard to explain and I'm not the best person to do it.[

Oh wow. That doesn't sound like much fun.

Is this a discomfort you (/general 'you' speaking to the universe) have always had? Or did/does it develop? Or you don't know?

Edited July 7, 2015 by Delightful

[Kestrel]

Oh wow. That doesn't sound like much fun.

Is this a discomfort you (/general 'you' speaking to the universe) have always had? Or did/does it develop? Or you don't know?

Some days it is, some days it isn't. For me it depends, I'm more fluid than fully agender.

That also depends. Mine started to develop a few months ago, but I know people who've felt strange in their bodies all their lives.

[Delightful]

is agender transgender? Or does it mean that you don't feel a particular gender at all?

[Quiver]

Male- mostly anyway. Apparently, I give off a "feminine" vibe to people online, though? I have had a surprising amount of pople either assume I'm female or -supposing they know I'm male- thinking I'm either gay or bi.

 

(No one on this forum, before anyone says anything! It's just a... surprising trend I've noticed in my online life.)

[Joe ST]

One thing to remember in all these conversations is that it's very much a personal decision/definition so you're not going to get much of a global generic description applicable to everyone.

[Kestrel]

Its trans, because it means I'm not cis/my birth gender, however I don't feel a connection with either male or female. There's a lot of other genders beyond male or female, agenders like myself have decided that we don't have a gender. Some people are bigender; they feel like both. Then there's third gender, probably some more.

[Kestrel]

Got ninja'd

Male- mostly anyway. Apparently, I give off a "feminine" vibe to people online, though? I have had a surprising amount of pople either assume I'm female or -supposing they know I'm male- thinking I'm either gay or bi.

 

(No one on this forum, before anyone says anything! It's just a... surprising trend I've noticed in my online life.)

 oh. I feel. Enlightened now thank you. Owo. I. I thought you were female. 

One thing to remember in all these conversations is that it's very much a personal decision/definition so you're not going to get much of a global generic description applicable to everyone.

This is very, very true.

[Delightful]

Its trans, because it means I'm not cis/my birth gender, however I don't feel a connection with either male or female. There's a lot of other genders beyond male or female, agenders like myself have decided that we don't have a gender. Some people are bigender; they feel like both. Then there's third gender, probably some more.

Wait. What's the third gender?

 

Sorry. You can stop answering if I'm bothering you. 

[Joe ST]

Wait. What's the third gender?

 

Sorry. You can stop answering if I'm bothering you. 

 

 I don't think anyone minds your questions, especially given that you're being so nice about them. 

[Kestrel]

No, your questions are great and we aren't tumblr. So you won't get tore up for asking.

Third gender is honestly the one that I know the least about. Its my understanding that its when you don't feel like either. After doing some googling, I've found that it could be really anything- inbetween male/female, neither, etc. You'll probably have to ask this to someone else.

[Delightful]

You guys are so sweet! Thank you
 

No, your questions are great and we aren't tumblr. So you won't get tore up for asking.

Third gender is honestly the one that I know the least about. Its my understanding that its when you don't feel like either. After doing some googling, I've found that it could be really anything- inbetween male/female, neither, etc. You'll probably have to ask this to someone else.

 
3rd Gender and fluid sound the same to me. Thanks for the info Lark! Much appreciated.
 
And uh, anyone know what going on with the formatting here??

Edited July 7, 2015 by Joe ST
fix the formatting

[Mistrunner]

I'm female.

That's basically it.

I like robotics and mechanics. I hate a lot of stereotypical 'girly' things. I don't like pink. I don't wear makeup or follow trends. I love playing Ultimate Frisbee early in the mornings, even if I'm the only girl. I don't have any 'crushes', thank you very much.

Nevertheless, still female.

[+Slowswift]

Straight, cis male.

 

Though, again, not your stereotypical "manly man". I have been known to squee at supersonic levels after watching/reading something, and I avoid sports like the plague. I don't like hunting or fishing, and generally stay away from outdoorsy things. And at the same time there's likely a plethora of things considered, at the very least, not something a guy would usually do.

 

Yup.... that's really all there is to it. And I'm so glad this isn't tumblr. Thank goodness this place isn't polluted by the same negativity.

Edited July 7, 2015 by Slowswift

[TwiLyghtSansSparkles]

I'm female, and I embrace many traditionally feminine things. I like wearing skirts and curling my hair, I enjoy trying new recipes and drinking tea while cooing over pictures of small dogs. I once had a gender studies prof tell me I only enjoyed those things because I had been brainwashed by our culture. But I know that's not true. I don't enjoy those things out of an obligation to be feminine. I don't teach myself new recipes for the benefit of some mythical future husband. I enjoy these things because I find them fulfilling.

At the same time, I know there are women who don't find fulfillment in those things. They might despise cooking or hate the way skirts look on them. They might find curling irons to be a waste of time or feel more comfortable and happy in a pixie cut. And all of that, in my opinion, is awesome. They like what they like and I like what I like, and as long as we're both comfortable and happy with who we are, that's fine.

And I think the same goes for men.

There are some who say that men should act like men and women should act like women. Men drive trucks and drink beer while watching sports; women wear skirts and cook. And some people are happy that way. But some men like things our culture has arbitrarily decided are "girly." Shows about ponies, the color pink, wearing long hair--our culture has set those things aside for women, while any woman who likes playing football and drinking beer is "mannish."

And I think it's dumb.

Like what you like. Do what you do. Don't let our culture decide whether you're "mannish" or "girly." It was a guy who introduced me to MLP, after all, and I'm glad he was manly enough to tell me about that awesome show.