Ask Kobold Anything

[ThirdGen]

Organisms tend to be massively inefficient in energy processing.  If we are supplanted by self-replicating mechanical life forms, much more efficient in energy usage, would civilization still be a mere fluke?

[Joe ST]

the inevitable question from me, sadly: how come you don't wiki and what can I do to remedy this?

[Kobold King]

Organisms tend to be massively inefficient in energy processing.  If we are supplanted by self-replicating mechanical life forms, much more efficient in energy usage, would civilization still be a mere fluke?

 

 

Is energy processing really what life is all about? Is that all we are--just inefficient energy converters?

 

If so, then civilization will have been the most glorious thing to have ever happened to humanity. If our purpose as a species is just to be the most efficient energy converters we can possibly be, then we need drop all of our petty politics right away and create self-replicating nanobots to take over the galaxy for us. And Earth should be the first planet they destroy, because we're just an inefficient gear that's jamming up the cosmic clockwork.

 

Personally, I don't believe that. If the black day ever dawns when machines wipe out humanity and spread their cold ruthless energy processing across the universe, then civilization will still have been a random fluke--the random fluke that wiped out humanity. Just like the asteroid that killed the dinosaurs, civilization will not have been a step forward for life but merely a random occurrence that resulted in our failure as a species.

 

Efficient energy processing is not a sufficient justification for all the wars and suffering committed by civilization throughout history. Frankly, I don't see what the big fuss about efficient energy processing is in the first place. To me, the beauty of life on earth lies in its diversity and complexity and its continual way of renewing itself. Energy production or processing is irrelevant to that; to me, supplanting humanity just to process energy more efficiently would be like shattering a priceless stained glass window just to collect on insurance. The idea to me is abhorrent, and I refuse to believe that humans were put on this earth for the sole purpose of bringing such cold processing machines into existence.

 

 

At least, that's my opinion.

[RandomRevival]

What about my glorious question?

[Kobold King]

What evidence do you have to support your idea that civilization is a fluke?

 

 

I'd ask instead what evidence anyone else has to support it's being a natural step in our evolution. Because the fact that humanity lasted two hundred thousand years without approaching it, and then wreaked massive environmental damage upon achieving it, seems to indicate that it is both newfangled and destructive.

 

If civilization were natural to our species, then we would have seen it arise somewhere in the last two hundred thousand years of our existence. As civilization is a destructive way of life developed by only a tiny handful of the millions of cultures that have walked on this earth, shouldn't we be considered the exception rather than the rule? And if we're the exception, wouldn't it be arrogant to declare ourselves to be on the right track without at least evaluating our way of life compared to theirs?

[+Slowswift]

Favorite way to eat fettuccine alfredo?

[Kobold King]

Favorite way to eat fettuccine alfredo?

 

Ravenously.

[+Slowswift]

Ravenously.

 

The only way.

[TwiLyghtSansSparkles]

I regret to inform you that "reluctantly" is also an option, but to avoid ripping open an old wound...

What is your fan theory about the creature in "Midnight"'s nature, identity, and why it was drawn to Sky and then the Doctor?

[A Joe in the Bush]

Why did the Kobolds Make you their King? Or is it a thing where you conquered them and forced them to be your subjects?

[DanTheSeamonster]

I regret to inform you that "reluctantly" is also an option, but to avoid ripping open an old wound...

What is your fan theory about the creature in "Midnight"'s nature, identity, and why it was drawn to Sky and then the Doctor?

 

...............creepiest episode in the history of ever. 

[RandomRevival]

What are your thoughts on your profile pic? Do you realize It says K.O?

Is this meant to represent your Kobold-Knocking-Karate-Kombos?

[+Slowswift]

Which Sanderson character would you date?

 

Also, if a Sharder suddenly showed up at your farm in the middle of nowhere with a plate of alfredo, what would you do?

[Delightful]

Which Sanderson character would you date?

Also, if a Sharder suddenly showed up at your farm in the middle of nowhere with a plate of alfredo, what would you do?

My guess is eat the Alfredo and force the Sharder to worship him or something. Edited July 6, 2015 by Delightful

[Quiver]

Does Kobold worship involve blood sacrificing, or merely a tribute in the form of upvotes?

[Kobold King]

I regret to inform you that "reluctantly" is also an option, but to avoid ripping open an old wound...

What is your fan theory about the creature in "Midnight"'s nature, identity, and why it was drawn to Sky and then the Doctor?

 

Grrr. Our one major disagreement.

 

 

That... is a good question. While I'm usually quite the headcanonist, "Midnight" is the one episode that is centered entirely on an inexplicable mystery. It is the one episode where even the Doctor has no idea what just happened, and I've yet to see a fan theorist come up with a 100% satisfactory conclusion on what the creature was. However, I do have one idea that could help explain it.

 

The entity was trying to understand humanity. This was actually an idea the Doctor himself brought up towards the beginning of the episode; that the creature was curious and, not knowing anything about humans, was simply trying to learn and say hello. While the malevolent turn the creature's actions took might seem to discount this notion, I don't think that it does.

 

A major theme of the episode was how even normal people could become monsters when they let panic get the better of them. They turned from a nice and enjoyable company to a hateful and dangerous mob, not because they were being manipulated by some alien malevolence, but because mob mentality is a part of human nature. It was only towards the end of the episode that the Midnight creature was actively goading them on.

 

I propose the creature was an immortal, body-less spirit that possessed absolutely no understanding of human life. Perhaps it was some strange presence that evolved on Midnight itself. Perhaps Midnight is secretly a portal to some bizarre dimension. However this entity came to be, I believe it was earnestly attempting to understand humans and then communicate with them. First it destroyed the front end of the train, a gesture which was only meant to be a way of saying "hello." Puzzled by the train operator's sudden lack of vitality, it decided to move further along and communicate with the passengers, first by knocking on the walls and then by possessing one of their number.

 

From there it did nothing but mimic the humans, first mimicking their voices, and then even mimicking their behavior. Observing their increasingly panicked and hostile state, it determines that this is the human way of saying hello to new lifeforms. And so it joins along. Being incorporeal and immortal, it doesn't understand death and what it entails for us lowly mortals. So it believes it's participating in a harmless human welcoming ritual by cheerily rallying the passengers to toss the Doctor off the train and killing him.

 

By the end of the episode, the Doctor is confused about what sort of creature would do such terrible things, and the creature itself is confused about why everyone threw it off the train and stopped playing along with the ritual.

 

 

 

There's really no evidence for this interpretation, and there's probably something in the episode I'm forgetting that proves me unequivocally wrong, but I like to at least harbor the possibility that the entity wasn't quite as malevolent as it seemed.

 

 

 

Why did the Kobolds Make you their King? Or is it a thing where you conquered them and forced them to be your subjects?

 

 

I would never be caught conquering a race of innocent yet so easily conquerable creatures. I may be a self-proclaimed monarch, but their consent was strongly implied, their swiftly quelled resistance movement constituting only a friendly joke among friends.

 

More seriously, I am indeed the King of the Kobolds, but I have yet to find one single kobold willing to acknowledge me as monarch.

 

 

What are your thoughts on your profile pic? Do you realize It says K.O?

Is this meant to represent your Kobold-Knocking-Karate-Kombos?

 

That's a common confusion. You see, the incredimazible member Awesomeness Summoned, who sadly no longer prowls these boards, made a topic in which he created pun-ridden profile pictures for everyone's profile pictures. In my profile picture, he reshuffled the syllables in my name to declare me the Bold Ko King, and thus gave me a crown sitting atop a bold "KO."

 

Here's the topic, if you're interested in learning more of esoteric Shard history.

 

 

 

Which Sanderson character would you date?

 

Also, if a Sharder suddenly showed up at your farm in the middle of nowhere with a plate of alfredo, what would you do?

 

Mizzy.

She's smart, capable of improvising bombs from nearly anything.

She's funny, giving hilarious commentary on a whiteboard as her boss outlines a plan for killing a supervillain.

She's tough enough to [DATA EXPUNGED].

And she dots her 'i's with little hearts. She's just awesome all 'round.

 

 

Without breaking eye contact, I would take the alfredo and take a big bite out of it. I would chew it slowly, deliberately, thoughtfully. I would do so for a while, still keeping my eyes locked on them.

 

Then, just when they start to feel uncomfortable, I would remember that I'm probably allergic to the gluten that's in the pasta and I would spit the bite out onto the grass, turn to them, and say "Delicious!" as I pat them on the shoulder and invite them into my home.

 

I'm assuming that anyone who follows me close enough to realize my love of fettuccine alfredo probably knows I'm crazy. And anyone who tracked me to my home and surprised me there with no forewarning is also probably crazy. So there's no use putting up a pretense of sanity around them, is there?

 

 

 

Does Kobold worship involve blood sacrificing, or merely a tribute in the form of upvotes?

 

Blood... sacrificing?

 

 

 

 

Quiver dear, what exactly do you think I'd do with big gallons of cultist blood? Where would I store that? What situation would possibly arise in which I would need big gallons of cultist blood? What would I do if I accidentally mixed up the cultist blood with my cherry Kool-Aid while guests were visiting? How would I explain that to them, Quiver?

 

 

I can't encourage anyone to worship me, but if you want to express your appreciation, just click the little green arrow or send me a PM if you're feeling verbose. Keep your blood pumping in your veins and arteries please, 'cuz I don't have the storage space to keep all your ritual bodily sacrifices.

Edited July 7, 2015 by Kobold King

[+Slowswift]

Will you play the Fandom Game? [/shameless plug]

[Kobold King]

Will you play the Fandom Game? [/shameless plug]

 

I would, but I've never read or played Infinity Blade, which is the current fandom awaiting a response.

[TwiLyghtSansSparkles]

What name would you give to the apparently-a-thing-now Twi/Obliteration ship?

More serious question, if you could say one thing to any fictional character, who would you choose and what would you say?

[Kobold King]

What name would you give to the apparently-a-thing-now Twi/Obliteration ship?

More serious question, if you could say one thing to any fictional character, who would you choose and what would you say?

 

 

Twiliteration rolls off the tongue quite nicely, methinks.

 

 

That, my friend, is an excellent question. The only problem I see is that there's not a lot I could say to a character that would meaningfully impact them or change the way their story goes for the better. 

 

...

 

Wait.

 

I just had an idea.

 

A most splendid idea. I think I know just what to do.

 

Doctor Who: The Angels Take Manhattan spoilers:

 

"Rory! Watch that Angel and call the Doctor! Don't blink!"

 

 

There. Three or four more seasons with the Ponds. Easy-peasy.

[Quiver]

How bad was Angels Take Manhattan?

[TwiLyghtSansSparkles]

Humanity has gone through many stages throughout history. What do you believe our invention of fake fire--as seen in many a hotel lobby--says about our current stage?

(Yes I just walked past a fake fire in the hotel lobby. Yes it reminded me of just how weird it is.)

[Kobold King]

How bad was Angels Take Manhattan?

 

Spoilers:

 

The episode itself was okay. In fact, I quite enjoyed it! Not quite up to Moffat's usual standards, but an entertaining installment in the series nonetheless. Winter Quay was a fascinating concept, and I wished it had been expanded on a little more along with the private investigator format the beginning of the episode promised.

 

The only thing I disliked was the contrived way in which Amy and Rory were written out of the show. I understand the real-life reasons for which their departure had to happen, but I feel it could have been handled in a way that didn't have me screaming at the Doctor to visit 1930s New Jersey, rent a cab, pick them up and drive them back to the TARDIS. "Wibbly-wobbly, timey-wimey" is all well and good, but if you're going to essentially kill off two characters you've got to give us more concrete information.

 

Honestly? I'd have preferred a time skip in the Doctor's life. Give a montage of another decade's worth of adventures before the Ponds decide to settle down on their own terms. Then let the Doctor pick up a new companion, whom he takes to visit his old friends whenever Karen Gillan and Arthur Darvill are able to appear on the show for a Christmas special or what have you. That would have been a more satisfying end to their story arc, for me.

 

 

 

Humanity has gone through many stages throughout history. What do you believe our invention of fake fire--as seen in many a hotel lobby--says about our current stage?

(Yes I just walked past a fake fire in the hotel lobby. Yes it reminded me of just how weird it is.)

 

 

Well that's one thing I didn't know existed.

 

I suspect fake fire exists for the simple reason that society and technology are changing too quickly for the culture to accept. In almost all public settings, a real hearth and fireplace have been long rendered obsolete by mechanical heating techniques. There's no need for fire, but our culture still associates the dry prickly warmth a fire gives with comfort and safety. So we make fake, harmless versions of the thing that warmed all of our ancestors. We can't go back to the comforts and securities of the past, but by golly, with a bit of plastic and electricity we can try our best to imitate it.

 

That's my take on it, at any rate.

[RandomRevival]

Kobold King, It seems you enjoy talking about what could and couldn't have been, of the tomorrow and of the past.

Now, although It might sound crazy, im going to ask of you to recreate an entire life. Your life.

Tell us Kobold...

Had you not been born, what do you think would have happened to your family, to your city, or heck, Even your state?

If right now some strange force sent your mind back in time to when you were 4 years old, what do you think you could accomplish?

(Meaning: If you could somehow transmit your entire life time of thoughts, feelings and consciousness into the body you had when you were 4 years old, what would you do with the knowledge of the future, and all the extra time you would get worry-free as a child? Would you take some invention of the future and claim It as your own? Would you prevent catastrophes? Would you Rewrite the reckoners books and become a child writing prodigy?)

If you could go back in time and protect your younger self from something...what would It be? Why? Or would you rather choose to leave your life untouched?

Would you rather be born in a universe where pokemon exist, to train one as your friend and maybe become a legend and champion, or would you rather be born in a universe where ponies roam free, being able to talk and fly? (As a human, of course)

How do you think being born in Either universe would have afected your entire life? What do you think you would have done?

(Leaving Jokes aside, this is probably one of the most difficult questions, given you have to Rewrite your entire life in an entirely different universe from the one you are acostumed to. Do you think you would have become a pokemon legend, with you and your pokemon having formed an unbreakable bond, or do you think you would have died climbing a mountain/ facing a wild pokemon/ getting killed by an evil organization/etc.

Do you think humans would have hunted ponies to extinction? Or do you think they would live side by side with them?)

Ponder deeply about these questions, King of Kobolds, ponder very deeply about them.

[Edgedancer]

Spoilers:

 

The episode itself was okay. In fact, I quite enjoyed it! Not quite up to Moffat's usual standards, but an entertaining installment in the series nonetheless. Winter Quay was a fascinating concept, and I wished it had been expanded on a little more along with the private investigator format the beginning of the episode promised.

 

The only thing I disliked was the contrived way in which Amy and Rory were written out of the show. I understand the real-life reasons for which their departure had to happen, but I feel it could have been handled in a way that didn't have me screaming at the Doctor to visit 1930s New Jersey, rent a cab, pick them up and drive them back to the TARDIS. "Wibbly-wobbly, timey-wimey" is all well and good, but if you're going to essentially kill off two characters you've got to give us more concrete information.

 

Honestly? I'd have preferred a time skip in the Doctor's life. Give a montage of another decade's worth of adventures before the Ponds decide to settle down on their own terms. Then let the Doctor pick up a new companion, whom he takes to visit his old friends whenever Karen Gillan and Arthur Darvill are able to appear on the show for a Christmas special or what have you. That would have been a more satisfying end to their story arc, for me.

Spoilers for Death in Heaven and Last Christmas

I know what you mean I personally dislike how most companions get written out of story by some kind of drama instead of being allowed to leave on their own terms, not that tragic and character death is something bad and with how little reoccurring characters there are I supposse there are only so many choices for them to hit us with characters we care about but still, at least some of them deserve something better I feel.

 

That's also a big reason why I really don't like Clara being on TARDIS for the next season, because the final of the last season gave her so many good opportunities to quit. Settling down with a secure job and the man she loves, hey why not have a happy end for once. The I'm pretending to be fine variant at the end of DiH wasn't quite that good but would have done if they wanted some drama that wasn't just the character dying but nope she still comes back in LC. Now, a chance for them to settle their conflicts would actually have been a good thing before Clara settles down and I really liked the thought of the Doctor being too late and Clara's already an old women as her send off but again nope just a storming dream sequenze! In whatever way Clara is going out she already missed her best chances.