Robinski Posted March 30, 2015 Report Share Posted March 30, 2015 (edited) Chapter 2 comes with a content warning, one scene of what could be described as torture. I guess I should have described this as Gothic horror – would that be accurate. I never felt that it was horrific enough, but I don’t read horror, so I wouldn’t know! Comments welcomed as ever, but please don’t feel that you need to track changes, observations are great. Cheers, Robinski Edited April 9, 2015 by Robinski 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mandamon Posted March 30, 2015 Report Share Posted March 30, 2015 Not as many notes this time and they are more general, so I'm posting here. Pg 1: Interesting thoughts Re. why Rutland doesn't sleep. Food for thought. He's passive again for this whole entry, even more so that last time, as it's a dream sequence. Even in the dream, he is led by Sabine, rather than trying to resist at all. I'm not sure I completely understand what's happening with Tarquin and the girl and Rutland. Tarquin reaches into his chest and then...? Does something else happen? How does that kill the girl? You give a content warning here, but honestly, it could be a little more graphic, just to explain what's going on. I'm not quite sure what powers Tarquin and Sabine have. Not that we need to know everything, but can they control other's minds? Make them do things they wouldn't want to? What benefit did Rutland get from being there--not sleeping? I couldn't tell whether this was the ceremony of turning him into a vampire, or what. I'm still liking the story, but this is sort of a lull chapter right after the beginning, so the pace is slowed even more than before. I'm still wondering what the main plot of this story will be about. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Robinski Posted March 30, 2015 Author Report Share Posted March 30, 2015 Good points, thank you Mandamon. Yes, passivity, noted, it's an issue with much of my writing. Also take the point about the lack of definition of what's happening, I'll address that in the edit, dial up the clarity. 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
rdpulfer Posted April 2, 2015 Report Share Posted April 2, 2015 - I like Blacklake using age as a cheat sheet for humanity - it's just a shortcut for him to gather details on people without getting too personal. This is an interesting perspective on age from someone who doesn't have to worry about it. - I really like the line that beauty is no defense against death. - Overall, I thought it was a pretty powerful scene. I liked how Blacklake likes to look at Mary in the flashback, but now has forgotten how face altogether. It's a very subtle and very powerful illustration of the character's loss of humanity. 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Robinski Posted April 2, 2015 Author Report Share Posted April 2, 2015 Awesome comments, RD (hey, those are my initials too!). Chuffed to bits that the scene worked for you. 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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