07/02/2012-JamesW-Resonance of Steel- Ch(0-2)

[JamesW]

This is the first piece of writing that I've done and here we have the first three chapters, a very short prologue and chapter one, and a longer chapter two with a fair bit more content.

I've received comments that some of the dialogue feels stilted and hopefully I'll be able to work that out when I've got a bit more experience doing this.

It is a rough draft and very early so there will probably be typo's/unfinished sentences from editing, or maybe discontinuities, but I tried to eliminate those I found before submitting.

Commence destruction of the writing.

[Yados]

Prologue:

I wonder if this has to be here. It's short. It's innocuous. But then, that's why I question its purpose. We didn't get a conflict or a character. We got a setting, and a short series of events that is no doubt important to larger story at work. But then, if all we're getting are these two things, why not just set this up without the prologue? I think you either need to put some narrative meat on this or you can fold it into the story. The prose is a bit sloppier here than in the two chapters that follow it.

Chapter One:

Aiden seems like a pretty normal point of view. I mean that as a compliment. It felt like I was reading a book I would scan the pages of in a book store. Your prose is professional. You don't really notice it. Which is good.

However, while I would certainly not be surprised to find this chapter in a bookstore, I don't know if I would read past it.

There are three reasons for this:

1) Aiden is a pretty generic protagonist. I don't feel like I'm seeing anything I've never seen before. There's really no sense of subversion or that my expectations are factoring in. He's a second son in a feudal house who disdains the deference his status brings and wants to pursue non-martial, literary pursuits. Why not just have a orphaned farmhand who finds a magic sword? Now, I'm not saying by any means that Aiden can't exist as he is in the story. But it's compounded by the second problem.

2) There's no conflict here. Aiden is happy. His life is good. He's happy for his brother and he's happy that he'll never be the heir. So everything's great for Aiden. Now, presumably, hopefully, this will change. Aiden will get shaken out of this nice nook he finds himself in and face either the "real" world or a situation where he has to assume a role he doesn't want. But that's not getting set up here. And, what more, we're not really seeing any internal conflict either. Aiden isn't jealous of his brother. He's not frustrated he can't do something he wants to do. He's a bit sad because he won't see his brother as much anymore, but then we've never seen that brother so we, the reader, don't have an attachment to that concern. All we're seeing is life being nice as the sort of feudal structure is set up by being seen through his eyes. It's kind of an info-dump. And it's made more noticeable because:

3) Nothing happens. Literally, this is a chapter about someone walking through a hall, hearing some news, and then reading a book. You're setting up who Aiden is and what his outlook and life are but you're doing it in a plot vacuum. Give him something he's trying to accomplish that will tell us something about him. Even if it's not important on the grand scale of things. It's literally like Aiden is waiting for the story to begin.

Chapter Two:

This one was better. Zerath seems a better character than Aiden off the bat and, probably, it's because he has stuff going on. Now, he has some of the same problems. He's comfortable in his role. He seems ready to assume whatever responsibility/trials he has coming up, or at least he doesn't seem patently unfit. He has a lot of the same complacency.

There's more infodump as well and I have to wonder why you're setting up Dalen, a character that's going to have a PoV, with everyone talking him up. He's going to have plenty of time to do that on his own. Maybe he should come himself to offer his training of Zerath in exchange for marriage, etc. Then at least he'd probably physically back up his claims upon making them.

You hit us pretty hard with the politics and, sadly, they seem pretty transparent. I mean, it's convenient here that everyone who seems decent and good are banding together on one side against people who are mean and ravenous... but this means there's very little conflict within the main cast. Sometimes you don't like people even though they're, objectively, decent people. Personality clashes and people get their feelings hurt and some betrayals are personal ones. Maybe the King hates this other guy because of some old score, but is banding together with him because he knows they both know what's best for their lands. For that matter, why is this empire something so bad? Aren't empires usually meant to be for the good of those within them? What's wrong with this one?

I'd put this chapter before Aiden's and give Aiden something to do that springs out of this. Maybe he has to go pick up Dalen and Zarath's bride to be.

So those are my macro-level concerns. Not enough conflict, both internal and external. Superfluous prologue. You need more stuff happening in Aiden's chapter.

Edited July 2, 2012 by Yados

[JamesW]

Thank you Yados, I greatly appreciate it, I had issue with the first two chapters when i was deciding to actually start writing. They were more, I suppose filling the role of ice breakers to the writing process and I probably should have just scrapped/completely rewritten.

In theory this was a buildup to the third chapter, which reading through your comments should have come first, as a prologue. The third chapter is set 23 years ago, and sets up the friendship between Kellanath and Tosganril and their reason for hating the empire. There's more conflict, action, and would probably be a better setup.

What were your thoughts regarding the prose in chapter two? I think the conflict issues could be worked out, I started earlier in the story then i should have. I could probably have started with the chapter three, setting up the friendship between the two lords, and their reason for hating the emperor. Then start in the conflict, showing why the house has a reason to go against the empire.

I think my biggest concern is again, the writing style/prose if it wasn't noticeably awkward or elementary then it should be possible to remedy the pacing and conflict issues.

[Yados]

Thank you Yados, I greatly appreciate it, I had issue with the first two chapters when i was deciding to actually start writing. They were more, I suppose filling the role of ice breakers to the writing process and I probably should have just scrapped/completely rewritten.

In theory this was a buildup to the third chapter, which reading through your comments should have come first, as a prologue. The third chapter is set 23 years ago, and sets up the friendship between Kellanath and Tosganril and their reason for hating the empire. There's more conflict, action, and would probably be a better setup.

What were your thoughts regarding the prose in chapter two? I think the conflict issues could be worked out, I started earlier in the story then i should have. I could probably have started with the chapter three, setting up the friendship between the two lords, and their reason for hating the emperor. Then start in the conflict, showing why the house has a reason to go against the empire.

I think my biggest concern is again, the writing style/prose if it wasn't noticeably awkward or elementary then it should be possible to remedy the pacing and conflict issues.

I think that if you have a chapter set twenty-three years in the past which sets up the conflict of the story you've found your prologue. Unless you're going to be regularly skipping back and forth, which raises my eyebrow as to structure. I wouldn't have expected a flashback in chapter three.

The prose was solid throughout the second chapter. Right now, Z's reactions to things go on a bit long... because they're giving us insight into his history with Dalen, his reservation about marrying, the political ramifications of thing, etc. Which is fine now, but could be a problem if it's how every exchange goes.

A good strategy is to try to make all your prose do two things. That's a lot easier to do if you have more plates spinning. Like, if there's a compelling reason why Z doesn't want to marry, then we get a conflict and we get more about him. The way it is now, we just get an explanation of how the political landscape shapes up.

Edited July 2, 2012 by Yados

[JamesW]

Well i was going to use the flashback in place of the father explaining the friendship with the other guy, show not tell and all that. But it'd make sense as a prologue as well.

I'm somewhere in chapter six and im already noticing the replies shortening, breaking it up would help, and i could certainly use the conflict to drive the exposition, Im discovery writing through this so there is a lot of room for variation

[Jack the Halls]

Yados hit the major points.

I don't feel like either of the chapters has a focus. I like what Brandon said about determining where a chapter begins and ends. Ask yourself, What does this chapter accomplish? What is this chapter FOR? Furthering the plot is not enough to justify a chapter.

I'm told that the world is horrible, but I don't see it.

I kept asking myself, Why is that there? Like the tapestry that A doesn't notice but that we get a detailed description of. And why is Z even present at this conference that could be considered treason? I highly doubt, in this bloodthirsty world you describe, that the entire conversation in chapter 2 would happen in Z's presence at all. Not to mention, it seems like it's already decided that Dalen is coming to teach Z, so why do they talk as if it isn't already decided?

Something else that threw me out of the story were the adjectives, especially non-specific ones like "great" which you use about 10 times in the first few pages.

It's hard to really critique further because I'm not sure what the scope of this story is yet, or what your planning to do. I feel there is probably information here that can be held back until a later chapter, but I can't pinpoint it at this time. For all I know A and Z both have huge and different character arcs, and both princesses as well. Based on this alone, though, I don't see the need of A at all, or the barren princess.

Another thing I have to point out is the redundancy. For instance, considering the length of the chapters, you only needed to explain that the firstborn gets a Krathsteel sword once.

Edited July 3, 2012 by Jack the Halls

[Mandamon]

So I usually wait to read any comments posted until I've made my own list, just so I don't have a tainted persepective, but all the exact same points I jotted down had already been said here. James, even in your first post you noted one of the first things I wrote down, which was the stilted dilogue.

So I guess my review becomes a sort of reinforcement of what's been said:

Unnecessary prologue with way too many adjectives

Stilted dialogue

Uninteresting main POV (Aiden)

A couple other points I saw were:

Comma usage. It seemed like there were commas left out, especially in dialogue.

Kellanas continued, “Is Dalen as good as they say he is Mevel?

There were several other instances like this.

One other thing that caught my eye was

But his brother wasn’t a firstborn,

Maybe it's just the wording, but can't there only be one firstborn per family (I guess barring twins, though even there one is born first...)?

I would also agree that you should put a flashback from 23 years ago as a prologue. It would give us a lot more to care about when the marriage/trason subject comes up.

At the risk of sounding snooty, if you're discovery writing and you're only on chapter 6, I would suggest writing until you think you have about half the book. Then look back. At that point you should be able to tell a lot better what parts are not needed for the story so far, what's redundant, and what looks like it adds to the narritive. At that point, the overall outline will begin to come together in your head.

I already noticed the adjective use went way down after the prologue, and chapter 2 is definitely better than chapter 1, so it seems like you're on the right track.

[JamesW]

Yeah, all of the comments are greatly appreciated, and the first two chapters are probably the roughest, and again the first that I've written. The real eye-opener was my use of "great," after I read that comment I did a quick Ctrl+F of it and I was astounded that I used it so poorly. Probably I'm going to be very self conscious of it, and only use it in dialogue or for "Great Houses" because technically that's how they'd be described, Great vs Minor.

I think I'll go through and do a more thorough edit of the next chapters/pages, and just see where it goes from there. I'm already re-arranging the chapters in my head and thinking of how to begin the story stronger. I worked out a very loose outline for the beginning of the book, and it just takes scenes I had rolling around in my head earlier and skips the setup in the first few chapters.

There's a good chance that I'll be rewriting these chapters today and focus on the (hopefully more interesting) outline. Since I'm mostly discovery writing this then I would rather start strongly and improve from there, because I've noticed that chapters that start out simple grow into much cooler and interesting ideas as I actually write them.

Thanks for the feedback so far though, very helpful (And better then my friends' who just read the same stuff as me, they are all saying "I like it, its good, write more!" which isn't quite as helpful )

James

[Jack the Halls]

Personally, I don't think the naked above the waste thing is a big deal. You're writing YA, not Middle-Grade. Let's face it. If a YA reader's mommy is still making sure the content of the book is "not too mature for my baby" then... Well, that's not the type of reader you should be writing toward anyway, right?

What I find somewhat hilarious about our society is that this chapter is full of violence, and yet what draws the red flag? One line describing a warrior woman's clothing.

It reminds me of a time when I was watching some really bloody war movie with a man and his small daughter. I couldn't believe they were letting her watch it, what with heads exploding and stuff, but she seemed used to it. When there was a KISSING (not sex, not nudity, but kissing) scene, the man covered his daughter's eyes until it was over.

[Yados]

Personally, I don't think the naked above the waste thing is a big deal. You're writing YA, not Middle-Grade. Let's face it. If a YA reader's mommy is still making sure the content of the book is "not too mature for my baby" then... Well, that's not the type of reader you should be writing toward anyway, right?

What I find somewhat hilarious about our society is that this chapter is full of violence, and yet what draws the red flag? One line describing a warrior woman's clothing.

It reminds me of a time when I was watching some really bloody war movie with a man and his small daughter. I couldn't believe they were letting her watch it, what with heads exploding and stuff, but she seemed used to it. When there was a KISSING (not sex, not nudity, but kissing) scene, the man covered his daughter's eyes until it was over.

Oh weird. This is about mine. Lucky I checked this thread.

This was my thinking as well-- both about the distinction between Middle-Grade and YA as it pertains to parental oversight and the head-scratching over the clothing comment.

But then I guess that's the kind of stuff that does get picked up on. Regardless of whether or not it should.

[JamesW]

Haha yeah, I've been posting in both threads so I suppose commenting here isn't a big deal.

And personally, I too have no problems with the scene, but do know that what Jack said is spot on, it shouldn't be picked up on but it will be. Even if it isn't a big deal, if a reader's first impression of the book is something that stands out to them as maybe inappropriate, they might hesitate to recommend the book to a friend, child, or family member who is younger based on that impression.

I ran into the same issue myself with Patrick Rothfuss' books. I loved Name of the Wind, and it is probably my number one if I ever have to choose one. I bought 12 copies of that book to give out as christmas gifts (Plus another 7-8 that I have just given away to friends who I think should read it) but I hesitate to recommend The Wise Man's Fear to some people, simply because some might take issue with the "adultness" of the Felurian sequence in the novel.

The problem isn't content, but how people perceive the content, which makes all of the difference.

James

[Jack the Halls]

Oh crap! My bad...

[Aminar]

Have you played Diablo 2? The very beginning reminded me(in a really really awesome way) of the cut-scenes from d2.

You should make the chains something not metallic, a metal god trapped by chains that might be metal threw me from the story for a bit. Wood has some significance in chinese myth, crystal would look seriously awesome, ice could be fun.

From there I have some story questions.

A: Do you have reasons behind the cultural idiosyncrasies. The Firstborn being the military is odd, especially given the apparent violence of the time period.

Some of your later political discussion is a little wonky. It likely needs to be split up a little because it feels rushed.

Now, I cannot wait to read what these sword things do. They sound exceptionally awesome.

[JamesW]

Well I'm glad the story worked for you, I wasn't basing the prologue on Diablo 2 (Which I have played) but I was hoping for something that gave an epic feeling. I wanted the prologue titled "The End of Magic" and the beginning of the story to have the man killing the god, which ended magic as they knew it in their world.

The Firstborns are forced to serve in the military by the emperor. There is a conflict with another group of people (The Denat I think I called them, but not in the story yet) and the emperor calls the houses to fight for him/her (Emperor/Empress depending on the generation).

Technical magic stuff here, some will change and most will clear up soon, probably sooner then expected with the rewrite of the beginning to be a (hopefully more solid) and interesting introduction.

The reason for this is that firstborns are the only ones who get Krathsteel blades. Each persons blade can be used in a single forging after it is created, the forging with their firstborn. The blades have "memories" if you will, imparting to the wielder knowledge and instincts (And a few other perks) of combat that the wielder's ancestors had experienced previously. Recent experiences are remembered by the blades much more explicitly then older ones, and can be recalled much easier and explicitly then others. The year-long gap that they prepare for the forging is the father training extensively with his weapon. The "recent" window lasts for only about a year, but a greater amount of those experiences are stored in the parent blade.

Think of it like the blade charging up, but with ability, and experience. The recent exposure to an array of combat styles lets the wielder react much more quickly in those ways and against those styles. When the parent/chid (Male or female is irrelevant) go to the forging, the recent knowledge acquired, as well as the ancestral knowledge (not 100% but maybe 50%) are passed from parent blade to child's blade. In this way power of the weapon is determined by how many generations of blades your family has.

Power of the houses is increased when the firstborn children are twins. The first of the twins is the Heir, but both of them get Krathsteel blades (There is blood involved in the forging). This world has a society, or genetics i guess, with an inclination towards birthing twins, not exactly commonplace but certainly more common then our world. If a Forging is attempted before a certain age (I think 17 is the one I picked) then the child could be killed. The way the blades replicate make the society (Of nobles at least) inclined towards marrying earlier and getting as many firstborn children of wielders as possible. The emperor helps curtail this replication by virtue of forcing some years of service out of the families, delaying the starting of a family (Though exceptions do happen, rarely).

I dunno if that helped clear things up, or was just me rambling, I'm 2500 words into writing today so my mind is getting a bit addled.

If you want to PM me your email I can send you what was my tentative chapter 3, but will be rewritten as a prologue, you get to see the blades in action then.

Edited July 3, 2012 by JamesW

[Aminar]

So we have John the Firstborn and Edna the Firstborn.

John has a baby with Georgina the third born. Their Firstborn gets a blade.

If John and Edna have a kid would Edna's firstborn get a blade? Otherwise the society would likely not allow John and Edna to have kids right? Or could John use his blade for the firstborn and Edna for the secondborn?

I'm assuming only Firstborn children can get Blades.

How does that work with childhood deaths and miscarriages?

Why is the Emperor 'only' calling for the Firstborn?

(This is the gamer in me looking to understand all the rules, Brandon Sanderson style)

[JamesW]

I appreciate it, I want my system to be stress tested as much as possible, and all questions help to this extent.

John would create a blade with his firstborn, him and Georgina , in essence his blade become's "Used up" and can't produce another.

He could have a child with Edna, but this would mean Georgina has died or for some other reason they can't be wed anymore. Society doesn't support/condone separations or annulling a marriage in any but the most extreme circumstances, like death.

John and Edna can have baby Sally, if Georgina has already died. Sally is still a firstborn, and Edna still has the power within her blade to pass on.

If John and Edna, both had a baby, who was firstborn to both of them, they would both use up their blade's power to procure for their firstborn a blade, which would be much stronger then other blades with only a single parent wielding a blade, because the newborn blade would inherit the shared experiences of two different bloodlines, and (assuming both parents trained for the year prior to the forging) a greater share of fresh experiences for the blade.

The result would be a single blade, but a stronger one. So it would be a calculated move that would diminish the overall strength of a house (instead of forging 2 new blades you get a single one, at maybe 150% normal effect.

In essence a weaker house without many blades, could offer their firstborn to marry another firstborn of a more powerful house. The lesser house becomes adopted into the larger, gaining protection, alliances, etc, but doesn't diminish the number of blades of the first house.

If the firstborn dies, first child who comes of age is the one who the magic deems elegible to forge a blade. This could indeed encourage fratricide except for the other element of the blades. The weapons themselves enhance your abilities, so if you train with it, the blades enhance that, so the more adept you are, the stronger it makes you. One of the "quirks" or should I say limitations on the magic system (And this is for the fratricide problem) is that the blades are flawed in a major way. Because they impart in the wielder abilities and skills which help them avoid death, coming to near to death is a problem. If for example a warrior takes a severe wound, the medics (or purifiers, as they are called) are brought in to see how serious the wound was. If the individual is injured and becomes to near to death, the aspect of death takes root in the blade itself. The two forces war with one another, the desire to avoid death from the blade, and the aspect/goddess of death, which almost claimed the warrior and is now present in the blade itself. The two opposing wills clash with another, eventually driving the warrior to madness. The same thing happens with guilt regarding fratricide, the result is the wielder spiraling into an eventually suicidal depression.

Oh and if a wielder dies before using his blade to create another, the weapon's heritage passes to the nearest relative (The closest sibling, with the same consequences for fratricide). If the person has no siblings the blade becomes inert, losing the blood heritage held within it, but it becomes a neutral blade. They can be given out as rewards, or as prizes, or picked up from fallen wielders. (This last aspect is the most likely to change)

He only calls for the firstborn because they are the ones with the blades, and he needs them to have military experience because of the conflict against the other people. The emperor is sovereign over the world as they know it, but there is a group of people who resist his rule.

I think I rules dumped most everything there, phew.

[Aminar]

How often do these Blade Wielders go mad or suicidal. I would think that anybody who kills lots would eventually have suicidal guilt issues...(Now that could be really fun to explore as far as a cultural deficiency, which you seem to have laid groundwork for.)

What stops houses from full on murdering other houses(Ala the beginning of Homeland by R.A. Salvatore.)and taking their now inert blades? Even if they themselves don't pick up the blades to avoid the guilt issues they could easily barter with them and the like.

[JamesW]

Oh there is an entire class of people dedicated to that. The Purifiers and the Daughters (Daughters of Malcora, the mistress of death). Purifiers are medicine men/diagnosticians/herbalists. They work in pairs serving different provinces as healers (Of non wielders of commoners).

The purifier diagnoses if an injured warrior has become too close to death, and if they have they give them a drug, it paralyzes their movement but encourages speech. The drug produces a feeling of bliss, but one that frees their tongue (Think alcohol making people more honest, but making them desire to speak the truth)

Which is where the other one comes in, the Daughter. They are regarded by society as messengers between the dying and the mistress of death. Their religion teaches that when you are dying you should confess anything you feel guilty for in life, and go to Death's realm in peace. If you can't confess (read: dies violently and suddenly) you have a chance to confess but confession while alive is preferred. Once you confess the Daughter kills you, death is preferable to madness.

You could send fodder at other houses, ala salvatore, but then you risk your own blades, and even if you give out a whole ton of new blades you are vulnerable to any one of the many other houses, and just like in Homeland you need to be assured of victory. It is possible, but the emperor discourages this. Their house has significantly more blades (I have the math somewhere) but they would rather avoid open civil war because they need constant strength in case that war begins again.

And I was playing on the guilt thing, there is a character who was severely wounded, but before he got his blade. He's now worried about going mad, so thats his own paranoia, and might or might not be what is happening. The paranoia about going mad is a form of madness in itself, but since the madness manifests from death's aspect being present in the blade the character (probably) won't go mad, but nobody knows, and he is keeping the whole "I was severely injured" thing a secret, though there are some who know...

Edited July 3, 2012 by JamesW

[cjhuitt]

I think Yados hit most of the points I picked out already, but here are my thoughts, a mix of already observed and some that may not have been said yet.

IMO, the prologue doesn't add anything to the story as we've gotten it so far. Also, I felt the description was uneven For example, are the stairs he's climbing at the beginning crumbling, or still solid? Cobwebs, or clean? Drafty? Stuffy? And the person climbing, is he exhausted from fighting his way through? Bloody? Bounding? Solemn? Was he even part of the fight? Did he want to leave if he was, or does he regret leaving his comrades, but thinks it's necessary? The description we do get is of the entrance portal.

Also, it has one of the aspects I sometimes get annoyed by, and it seems to be in early drafts of novels a lot more than published ones: an apparently nameless person doing something. On the other hand, at least it is short.

Another, technical aspect I noticed was a small number of sentences where I felt the structure could be switched (and you'd maybe save a few words as well). For example, these are both sentences that start different paragraphs in the prologue:

Deep into the mountain the cloaked man walked...

Above his head he raised his blade, and watched it slowly turn to white.

Granted these examples may not save you any words, but I would have expected "The cloaked man walked deep into the mountain", and "He raised his blade above his head". Of course, if that's the style you like, there's nothing wrong with the occasional sentence like this. I just thought you should be aware of it if you were not.

Also, the last sentence I quoted, I'm not sure if it needs to be mentioned that he watched the blade slowly turn white. Since this is presumably from his POV (or at least, the next couple chapters are 3rd person limited, I assume the prologue is also), everything is assumed to be what he sees, feels, or thinks.

Chapter 1 can be summed up basically by Aiden returns home to his room, thinks about his brother, and reads a story from a book. The excerpt from the book, or the summary of the story, caused me some problems. If it is going to be here, I suggest putting it in a separate, italicized block, rather than inline as Aiden reads it. Overall, though, as others have noted, this chapter has no tension or anything to draw the reader on, which isn't exactly what you want from the first chapter to a novel.

Chapter two is a little more interesting, in that there's at least the potential for conflict. However, it seems like Zerath was more or less adept at avoiding it almost wherever it appeared. His mother is imposing additional burdens on him; do the disturb his plans at all? If so, wouldn't he be at least a little resentful? And possibly guilty, since he knows he shouldn't resent it? Also, from the mother's side: she's losing her husband for a time, and soon her son. However she feels about it should probably come out in her actions toward the two of them, and hopefully it has some conflict potential built in.

More potential for conflict: the guardsmen at his fathers doors just step aside and let him in. Additionally, he's simply brought into the conversation as his presence had apparently been desired. Finally, the envoy Mevel accepts this without any problem.

Of course, not all of these have to be conflicts. However, it might be nice if at least some of them were. Particularly if they are unfair, because that would get us on Zerath's side quite quickly.

While Zerath is talking with his father and Mevel, some of the dialog seems a little maid-and-butlery. It's not too bad as it is, but you might want to keep an eye on it in the future, lest it become more of a habit. Also, just after some of this we get a little bit of info dumping about blade masters and how electing to become a blade master alters your status in society. Some of this is information we need here to understand things, such as that Dalen had given up a high status to become a Blade Master. Some of it, such as what might happen to children he might someday have after he gave up his position, I'm not sure we need to know just yet. Similarly, some of what it takes to become a blade master we should probably know, but a recap of how blade masters need to learn a lot of weapons, and how much Dalen has been learning, may not be necessary here.

By my count, it was page 16 before we get to a real inciting incident, where the marriage and alliance proposal happens. It finally gives some conflict to Zerath, plus shows that there might be some upheaval in the status quo, but to me it comes quite late in the story, nearly at the end of chapter 2. I know you've mentioned changing things around so that some of the stuff from the past, that was chapter 3, will now be a prologue, but do remember the need to set up a hook or inciting incident early in the story, to keep people wanting to read on.