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People you wouldn't want to meet in a dark alley


Voidus

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6 hours ago, Voidus said:

We already have properly spikend and tamed ones in the pens of hemalurgic abominations, the ones loose in the offices are just wild ones.
You can keep them if you need wild specimens for your resource, but they can be found everywhere in and around the Alleys. 
Something about the alleys seems to draw insane creatures of ancient power. Personally I think they just like the smell of baking. Or the tortured screams of a billion souls. One of the other.

I keep a few wild specimens in the process of domestication. As well as fitting them with spikes, I'm trying to teach them to make baked goods.

Just don't feed the wild shoggoths. They are pests.

2 hours ago, winter devotion said:

how big of an eldritch adorabomination are we talking now

It varies. The really big ones have a hard time fitting in the alley but you can find them in some of the larger storehouses.

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Ah Voidus, good to see you around the labs again. It's been a while since your lab has been used, so you might want to clear out some of the accumulated phantasms that tend to hide under the lab benches. 

Also regarding any stray Eldritch Abominations, remember that all abominations found that are older than 3 eternities must be labled as Eldritch Deities, for the purpose of tax write offs.

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If you fill out the correct paperwork to designate an eldritch being as a diety, note that you may additionally file any expenses for the sake of the creature in question as donations to a religious nonprofit entity, thus possibly making such expenditures tax exempt.

Also, if you are keeping a pet abomination, consider investing in having it chipped, properly vaccinated, and perhaps also getting papers that officially ascertain its pedigree.

Do also note that eldritch abominations that do not have deity status and/or do not classify as a one winged angel may in some cases be designated as endangered species. As such, killing one may be illegal. Additionally, even hunting non-endangered abominations without the correct permit may constitute a misdemeanor.

And finally, remember to purchase some of the dark alley's trademarked pest repellent, if you are planning to spend a protracted time in the dark alley. It is guaranteed to keep away 99% of all insects, spiders, rodents (including those of unusual size), reanimated dead, and the aforementioned eldritch horrors (including most eldritch deities). Or your money back. Provided you are still in a state to file a complaint at our customer service desk.

 

Speaking of our customer service desk, I would like to donate several jars of deliciously lollipops fixed on hemalurgic spikes, to be placed on customer service desks, and similar locations, including to but not limited to the spot you normally find a little  bowl of mints in at a fancy restaurant. I think they will be a nice improvement to the dark alley.

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Speaking of our customer service desk, I think they deserve a shoutout, due to their diligent efforts in collaboration with R&D we have yet to receive a single complaint about a Dark Alley product or service.
What's their secret? Some say it's because the forms to file the paperwork are located in another dimension and have been ensorcelled to drive any mortal readers insane. Others say it's because people get spiked before they can actually file the complaint. And still others say it's because we train our reps to use Hemalurgically fueled emotional allomancy to make people feel too happy to file a complaint.

Well however they do it, here's to our customer service reps!
*raises cookie*

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All abominations of any kind are accepted. I would have liked to spike the Dark One but the Bore has been sealed. He would have been an awesome ingredient for my new type of cookies. 

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7 hours ago, Zennix said:

All abominations of any kind are accepted. I would have liked to spike the Dark One but the Bore has been sealed. He would have been an awesome ingredient for my new type of cookies. 

Oh we did that ages ago. You never wondered why the seals are all circles? They could almost be mistaken for some kind of cookie... :ph34r:

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Ah! Is that what actually happened? It's no wonder the seals failed after being hidden for such a long that it lost its hemalurgic charge. So, the people of Randland didn't have to wait for the Dragon Reborn. All they had to do was recharge the seals by periodically spiking some people (*cough* Aes Sedai). 

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So does anybody have experience spiking Channelers? I'm wondering if the spike would just contain all their specific quirks with the One Power, or if you can spike out strengths with an individual element specifically, or their talents. It could be interesting to spike out talents and see if you can grant them without making the receiver a Channeler. Certain occurrences, like Dreamers, Sniffers and Wolfbrothers seem to indicate that you can.

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1 hour ago, kenod said:

So does anybody have experience spiking Channelers? I'm wondering if the spike would just contain all their specific quirks with the One Power, or if you can spike out strengths with an individual element specifically, or their talents. It could be interesting to spike out talents and see if you can grant them without making the receiver a Channeler. Certain occurrences, like Dreamers, Sniffers and Wolfbrothers seem to indicate that you can.

Ability to channel, finesse with weaves and elemental affinity are all separate traits from what we've discovered, although if you use an Atium spike and don't mind significantly more corruption to the soul you can rip off a larger piece of spiritweb and gain multiple of those traits.

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1 hour ago, Voidus said:

Ability to channel, finesse with weaves and elemental affinity are all separate traits from what we've discovered, although if you use an Atium spike and don't mind significantly more corruption to the soul you can rip off a larger piece of spiritweb and gain multiple of those traits.

Do you think that Ta'verenness can be spiked? Testing that hypothesis is my next project although finding a Ta'veren is storming difficult. This project is very important because obtaining the ta'veren ability for myself will be very useful in my future hemalurgical projects. 

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2 hours ago, Zennix said:

Do you think that Ta'verenness can be spiked? Testing that hypothesis is my next project although finding a Ta'veren is storming difficult. This project is very important because obtaining the ta'veren ability for myself will be very useful in my future hemalurgical projects. 

Always remember that everything and everyone can be spiked.

Some things are just more difficult, however, hence why hemalurgic research is a thing. Some spikes need to be placed in exactly the right location, and if you don't have atium, you additionally need to discern exactly the right alloy of spike to use.

Trial and error is a time-tested way to learn hemalurgy, although it burns through a lot of test subjects. You can speed up the trial and error process by gaining connection to the shard of Ruin, as this gives you some degree of intuition about how to use spikes. Some experimentation will still be necessary, but it lets you allocate test subjects more efficiently.

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12 hours ago, Drake Marshall said:

Trial and error is a time-tested way to learn hemalurgy, although it burns through a lot of test subjects. 

And that's where our highly developed clone and parallel-universe-extricator programs come in handy!

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  • 4 weeks later...

First-time lurker here. Thanks for the cookie! It had delicious hints of tormented souls, mingled with the crippling dread of non-being. The chunks of unrequited time spent in unseemly internet hovels added a nice touch, too. I've got to ask, how do you do it? And what, exactly, does lurking here entail? Do I introduce myself, just jump right in, talk about Lord of the Rings, initiate rap-battles...?

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  • 3 weeks later...
On 8/11/2017 at 11:58 PM, Shadowmancer said:

First-time lurker here. Thanks for the cookie! It had delicious hints of tormented souls, mingled with the crippling dread of non-being. The chunks of unrequited time spent in unseemly internet hovels added a nice touch, too. I've got to ask, how do you do it? And what, exactly, does lurking here entail? Do I introduce myself, just jump right in, talk about Lord of the Rings, initiate rap-battles...?

Sorry for the delayed response, time distortions playing havoc in the labs recently. Blasted Chronobots can't seem to grasp the difference between a minute and a decade.

Anyways, Welcome new Denizen! Glad to hear our goods were not wasted on one such as yourself. Our purpose here is the pursuit of the greatest of sciences, which we go about by doing many of the things you listed and more. Selling goods at the introduction threads is a good place to start, then follow wherever your research lead you!

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  • 1 month later...

Would this be the right place for me to hatch my plans to conquer Sel using a massive army of "Kalad's Phantoms" type warriors? All I'll need are a few hundred thousand breaths and some spikes to make me an Elantrian. I figure with the right black-market inter-world trading I should be able to buy myself enough Breaths. And Hemalurgy will take care of the rest. *laughs maniacally*

On a more serious note: I'm a fan of finding ways to use different magic systems together (thus the hemalurgy), and have spent quite a bit of time theorising about the Selish magics.

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  • 2 weeks later...
  • 3 weeks later...

 

41 minutes ago, MacThorsten said:

Basically, our purpose is to advance the science of Hemalurgy. We accomplish this, by luring people into this dark alley with cookies that have hemalurgic spikes in them.

 

What if they don't like cookies? What if they prefer lobster? Would you then spike the lobster?

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2 hours ago, Hunt2man said:

 

What if they don't like cookies? What if they prefer lobster? Would you then spike the lobster?

I'm not that sure, to tell you the truth I am a relatively new member of the DA. I assume that the risk is higher due to the fact that the lobster has bind points. With cookies and other baked goods we can just bake the spikes into them.

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9 hours ago, Hunt2man said:

What if they don't like cookies? What if they prefer lobster? Would you then spike the lobster?

This is a most unusual situation for a hemalurgist baker to be in. That said, if the lobster is already dead, it should be safe to put spikes in it.

Has anyone here conducted experiments on how live lobsters respond to various types of hemalurgic spike?

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