What Happened in Portland

[Mailliw73]

Altermind loved how Scorch was looking the wrong direction to try and find where he was actually sitting. How simply moronic. What Altermind didn't like was Scorch's lying. "Kittens and cards don't appear out of nowhere by themselves, imbecile. Did you see anything of note?"

Altermind signaled for a servant to go and fetch Flashpoint. He would use his flying skills to gather information.

[TwiLyghtSansSparkles]

"Just the cards. Kittens. Couple toys." His heart sank as he recalled the first thing he'd seen. "And a couple imbeciles running outta an apartment, but Boss! They're idiots! Run from anything!" Seeing Altermind signal Flashpoint sent a stab of panic through him. "Don't send him, Boss. I'll go." Going himself would allow him to deal with whatever Epic had shown up in Portland before he made an undoubtedly favorable impression on Altermind.

[Mailliw73]

"Sorry, Scorch, but you know you're not as good at getting info out of people. You get too angry. Flashpoint can fly and eavesdrop too. So I'm sending him. End of discussion," Altermind said. "If you want to be useful, go make sure everyone is doing their job."

[TwiLyghtSansSparkles]

"How about making sure he does his job, huh? Ever think of that?" Scorch could see his position as Joint Chief of Security slipping away as he spoke. If this Epic was as powerful as Altermind seemed to think he was, he would have Scorch on permanent truck duty. 

 

Flashpoint, having heard the orders, glanced smugly at Scorch. "Sorry, Scorch. Maybe next time you'll think things through." 

 

"Oh, I've thought things through." He stood a moment and, unable to think of any cutting remarks, threw a fireball purposely wide of Altermind's throne. "Make sure they're doing their jobs—ha!" 

 

He stalked off, listening for the sound of Flashpoint accepting orders and taking flight. Once he heard it, he crept out of HQ and snagged his motorcycle. He would have that Epic in a burning heap on the ground if it was the last thing he did. 

[Mailliw73]

Altermind smirked at the fireball that shot on the far side of the illusion of himself. If Scorch had been smart, he would've sent two, one in each direction. "Flashpoint, go find out about this Epic that can supposedly make things appear. Intelligence is power. The Epic was at most of the truck dropoff sites. Start there."

"Yes, sir, Altermind," Flashpoint said obediently. He always was such a suck up to Altermind.

[Theorymaker]

Travis snuck into Thoughttown. It was rather easy actually. All he had to do was distract the guards with some explosions and then, went they left to investigate, climb over the fence.

 

------------------------------------------------

 

Kathy followed Travis into Thoughttown. She packed up much of her supplies and went after Travis to see where he was going. When he was planting explosives Kathy realized he was probably doing something illegal, but she continued to watch him. So when he snuck into Thoughtown Kathy followed to see what he was really up to.

[TwiLyghtSansSparkles]

Wind whipped through Scorch's hair as he nudged the motorbike into gear. It tore at his leather jacket and his bare cheeks. Cottages and duplexes flew past, blending with pines and oaks into a blur of color. Had he not been angry, he might have smiled.

 

"Sorry, Scorch, but you're not as good at getting information out of people." He growled, but it was lost to the wind and rumble of his motorbike. The last part of Altermind's speech was irrelevant. "Sorry, Scorch, but you're not as good." That was what mattered. That was what Altermind had really said. That was what he had meant. You're not as good as Flashpoint, and that's that. 

 

Scorch increased speed. So what if he couldn't fly? Flashpoint was a glorified spark plug. He wouldn't know which way to tie his cape if Altermind didn't nudge him in the right direction. Flashpoint couldn't roast an imbecile in his car or burn a home to the ground. 

 

As Scorch neared Thoughttown's eastern boundary, he spotted a group of guards gathered around what appeared to be a crater in the middle of the asphalt. 

 

Scorch pulled his bike to a stop near the crater. "The hell's going on?" 

 

Three guards looked up at him, fear evident on their faces. The one with a battalion leader's insignia on his uniform saluted. "There appears to have been an explosion, sir." 

 

The explosives had blasted a hole about ten feet wide and five feet deep. He couldn't help being impressed. "Yeah, you think? Who let this happen?" 

 

"Nobody, sir." 

 

"Nobody." Scorch took a step forward, enjoying the rush of power as the leader stepped back. "You were hired to guard the fence, and somebody blows a hole in the road, and you're saying nobody let it happen?" 

 

He swallowed. 

 

Scorch tossed a fireball—a small one, but large enough to burn a hole in his sleeve. The guard bit his lip, sucking in a breath as his skin blistered. He wouldn't show weakness. Altermind had trained them not to show weakness, which was irritating when all Scorch really wanted was a nice, curdling scream. "Altermind know about this?" 

 

"N—no sir." 

 

Storms. That meant the task of reporting fell to him. At least he could pass it off as doing his job, even if it did send his plans of confronting the new Epic up in smoke. Scorch tossed another fireball over his shoulder and punched Altermind's number into his mobile. "Hey, Altermind? We've got a problem at the east border." 

Edited June 19, 2014 by TwiLyghtSansSparkles

[Mailliw73]

"Hey, Altermind? We've got a problem at the east border," Altermind heard Scorch on his mobile. A problem? That was unusual. Rarely did anything happen that Scorch couldn't take care of by himself. It wasn't always taken care of well, but it usually worked and usually ended up with a couple of fireballs thrown around.

"Scorch, what is it? How big of an issue from 1 to 10? I'm on my way now. Send Lieutenant Gordon to alert all off-duty guards to report to their stations immediately. Send out patrols to check everyone for their ID passes," Altermind ordered as he grabbed his rifle and slung it over his back. Checking his pocket, he made sure he had his stash of bullets and his pistol on his hip.

He used his telekinesis to pull his set of bullet bike keys over to himself. He started it up and put one of his head scribes in charge until Flashpoint returned. "Flashpoint, return to Headquarters now. Forget about the Epic, we have a break-in and explosion on our hands," Altermind barked at Flashpoint through his mobile.

Altermind sped out of the garage and burst towards the east gate. He streaked past buildings and cars, worried only for the security of Thoughttown. He screeched to a halt at the border and saw the group of guards and Scorch standing in a circle. Throwing a hallucination of himself five feet to his left, Altermind strode up to the group and bellowed, "What in Calamity's sakes happened here?"

[Kobold King]

I'm not involved in the RP, but I just wanted to say... Stormfather, Doctor Funtimes terrifies me.

 

Her powers are extremely bizarre, and I'm not even sure what her limitations are. She doesn't seem as bad as the others... and that just makes it all worse, because I wonder what kind of darkness she's capable of.

 

That said, her loving stance towards pancakes makes her welcome with the Wafflesworn any time.

[TwiLyghtSansSparkles]

(((She can't transform living things, if that's any comfort. And she has some weird weaknesses too. On another note, that was kind of the goal. mahahahahaha. )))

[TwiLyghtSansSparkles]

Per Altermind's orders, Scorch relayed the commands through his mobile to the battalion leaders, who relayed it to their men. By the time Altermind arrived at the crater, his police officers were already checking the ID cards of those nearest the gates. They would work their way inward, but it seemed unlikely that the culprit had made it further than a mile or two. 

 

Despite the whirlwind of activity, the responses coming through his mobile in rapid succession, Scorch did take time to note Flashpoint's reply as it came over the line reserved for him, Scorch, and Altermind: "HQ? But Bo-oss! I can catch him, I know I can!" 

 

Scorch had to wipe a smile off his face as Altermind approached, demanding details. "This was here when I showed up. From what I've been told, nobody knows where it came from." 

 

"There was an explosion, sir," the battalion leader added quickly. He had borrowed some gauze and burn cream from a squad car's first aid kit. "Whoever caused it left in a hurry. We didn't see their faces." 

 

"I'll bet that Epic caused it," Flashpoint muttered over the mobile. Scorch hid a smirk. He and that Epic would share some quality time later on, with no interruptions. 

Edited June 20, 2014 by TwiLyghtSansSparkles

[Mailliw73]

"Flashpoint, I said HQ and that's where you'll go if you want to stay here! You're in charge there, make sure no one gets in," Altermind barked at Flashpoint through his mobile. Flashpoint liked being in charge and hopefully he'd head to HQ and not cause any problems.

"This isn't like an Epic. Epics don't set bombs and run. This is a human idea," Altermind tried to figure out why the culprit would set a bomb and run. They had to want to sneak in somewhere else. "Head back to your gate now," Altermind ordered the battalion. Watch for anyone trying to sneak in anywhere. Spread men out along the border to watch."

"Scorch, you're with me. We're finding this insolent human who thinks he can just stroll into Thoughttown." Altermind got into his bullet bike and motioned for Scorch to do the same.

---------------------------

Five Years Earlier

Milton had always been made fun of in school. He was awkward and didn't have any friends. He was skinny and had an ugly birthmark on his neck. It didn't help that people were jealous of his intelligence. He hated being picked on but never stood up to anyone.

He sat alone in the cafeteria at a corner table, studying for the next week's test. As he sat there eating and studying, one of the standard bullies came up to Milton and began to taunt him. "Hey, Splotchy! Why are you so ugly? Huh? I'm talking to you, Birthmark Boy!" Milton continued to ignore the bully. All of a sudden, he felt something wet and chunky spill on his head and run down his face and neck. It smelled horrible. Milton saw the spoiled milk run down his body. He was furious now.

He turned around only to get a punch in the stomach. Milton fell to the ground in pain, gasping for air. A foot flew into his face. Milton curled up and cowered from the blows. The bully and his friends laughed at him as he began to cry. Strangely, Milton felt a weird knowledge come into his mind. Pushing with it, he realized he pushed the bully with his mind. The bully stopped laughing instantly and looked puzzled.

Milton stood, confused but feeling empowered. He also realized he could, with concentration, push an image into people's minds. He made them see and hear a bear tearing into the cafeteria. Screams filled the air. Milton grinned. He could finally get back at all those who had hurt him over the years.

Milton walked away from the silent school. He had never realized how sharp pencils or math compasses were; especially when pushed through the heart. He knew those bullies would never hurt him again.

[TwiLyghtSansSparkles]

"You're with me," Scorch repeated mockingly, but under his breath so Altermind couldn't hear. As if he didn't know how to do his job. As if he didn't know he would need to ride a bike. As if he didn't know that a human sneaking in to Thoughttown would require him to stick close by Altermind until the situation was under control. Altermind might be able to fool every human in Thoughttown—hell, he could fool anyone—but he needed him and Flashpoint. If they left, he'd be a sitting duck. As he revved his bike's engine, he consoled himself with that thought. 

 

Small comfort, when he still had to take orders, but better than nothing. 

 

They set off, and as the suburb whipped past, Scorch kept an eye out for anyone who seemed suspicious. If he spotted them first, he would have that much on Flashpoint. If he was lucky, Flashpoint would whine that they really shouldn't keep score—which was always a good sign he was losing. Just the thought of it lifted Scorch's spirits. 

 

Scorch almost didn't see her at first, but as all pretty women did, she drew a second glance. Unlike the other citizens, who were either being interrogated or had ducked inside the nearest building, this one wove in and out of yards, stopping behind an oak in one, moving at a brisk clip through another. She had to be following someone. 

 

Without waiting for Altermind's approval, Scorch nudged his bike across the opposite lane, forcing a squad car to skid to a stop. A well-timed application of the gravitonics lifted the bike enough for him to leap the curb, and another skid brought his bike perpendicular to her path. 

 

Storms. She was pretty up close, blonde hair and brown eyes. Burning her would nearly ruin his day. "Stop right there, babe. Give me your ID or I'll roast you alive." 

 

(((Theorymaker, I was thinking this is Kathy. Your move. )))

Edited June 20, 2014 by TwiLyghtSansSparkles

[Theorymaker]

Kathy turned around to find a man with strange hair and a weird costume. Definitely an Epic. No one else would wear something that strange. "Wait. I'm not bad. That guy..." she started. Then she noticed that Travis had disappeared. She turned back around to see the Epic pointing the flamethrower at her. "Calamity!" she thought. "I like these clothes too." Then she set herself on fire and ran towards a nearby building.

[TwiLyghtSansSparkles]

(((Scorch didn't have his flamethrower….))) 

 

Scorch was on his mobile in an instant. "Flame Epic. Get the fire department." He tuned out the excited chatter over his mobile as he leaped back onto his bike and charged through the doors of a nearby rec center. Civilians and officers alike jumped out of the way, screaming as two flaming Epics—one on foot, one with flaming hands gripping the handlebars—tore through the building. 

 

Over the shouting in the rec center and the chatter on his mobile, Scorch heard the wail of sirens. The fire department was nearly there. "Surround the rec center," he told them. "I want her hosed down the second you see her." 

[Theorymaker]

Sorry I just assumed he had it with him.

 

Kathy looked around the rec center trying to find a way out. Outside sirens got louder. "How many fires did that other Epic cause that the fire department got here so quickly?" she thought. Weaving between the people Kathy finally got out the doors. Thankfully the fire department wasn't close enough to spray her with water, but they were everywhere! "Time to fly." She had only flown a couple of times and was very unskilled at it. "Well escaping is escaping."

 

------------------------------------------------------

 

Meanwhile Travis took off his outer clothes revealing a Scorch costume underneath. He also quickly spiked his hair into a mohawk like Scorch and put red streaks in it. Plan B, pretending to be Scorch, would have to do. Travis heard over the mobile network that he had hacked into that Scorch was fighting another Epic. That also explained why the entire town was on high alert. Travis quickly took everything he needed from the bag and then used a flamethrower to burn it up. Why Scorch used a flamethrower Travis had no clue, but it made him very easy to copy, if you can find the right clothes.

 

I just set up my characters for bad situations so that everyone knows.   

[Theorymaker]

Unfortunately while trying to escape one of the firemen still hit Kathy with water dowsing her flames. "NO!" she thought as she fell. As she fell Kathy finally managed to evaporate the water and get her flame back on. Then she got hit with more water making her fall the rest of the way to the ground where Scorch stood waiting for her.

 

---------------------------------------------

 

Travis was making his way to where Altermind was organizing his guards. Suddenly his mobile went off reporting that Scorch had captured the fire Epic. Travis froze. Altermind would know that he wasn't really Scorch after hearing that the real Scorch had captured. Swearing he turned around only to find multiple guns pointed at him. "We found an imposter." said one of the guards as they put Travis under arrest.

 

Sorry, I realized Kathy's escape was kind of contrived so I had it fail. Also I won't be able to be on all of today. Sorry.

[TwiLyghtSansSparkles]

Scorch watched with satisfaction as the rival Epic's flames were extinguished, and laughed as she fell to the ground. The firefighters held out a trampoline just in time to break her fall. 

 

Unfortunately. Scorch would have liked to watch her hit the ground. 

 

He took his time walking over, giving the police a chance to pin her arms behind her back and snap a pair of heat-resistant cuffs around her wrists. "Keep her soaked," he told them. The firefighters were already motioning for all available containers, filling nearby buckets and empty flowerpots with water. 

 

Scorch resisted the urge to taunt her with a flame of his own. Even soaking wet, some Epics could harness a prepared flame and use it to dry themselves off. Storms, he could do that. Instead, he tipped her chin with a single finger, smirking. "Well, well. What'd we catch today?" 

Edited June 21, 2014 by TwiLyghtSansSparkles

[Theorymaker]

Kathy just looked up and tried to spit at his face. She missed and was punished with a spray of cold water at her face.

[TwiLyghtSansSparkles]

Scorch narrowed his eyes. She had missed, but that didn't change the fact she had tried. "It's a good thing you're cute." Without taking his eye off her, he spoke to the officers: "Take her to HQ. I want every cop you can spare watching her. If I hear that sink turn off once while she's there, you'll learn how a pig feels at one of those luaus."

He watched them load her into a squad car, dousing her again for good measure. As the car pulled away, Flashpoint's voice came over his earpiece. "Hey, Scorch?"

"This had better be good."

"We just arrested someone who was dressed like you."

"What the--you're kidding."

"Nope. Did you get that, Altermind?"

[Mailliw73]

Altermind chortled and smirked at the man his guards had just caught. "You thought I wouldn't notice that you're not Scorch? How dumb are you? Imbecile human." Altermind turned away from the man and his guards and instead went towards Scorch and the lady Epic.

"Good work, Scorch," Altermind knew that he occasionally needed to compliment his two spatting lessers. Scorch especially needed a bit of a positive attitude reinforcement sometimes. "Don't take her just yet," Altermind ordered his guards to stop.

She was soaked to the core, which was the only real way to deal with Fire Epics. She seemed a bit chilly too. "Don't you wish you could just light up a fire and be all nice and toasty?" Altermind quipped. "That's too bad. Don't scream too loudly," Altermind said as he signaled for his guards to take the woman. He put hallucinations in her mind of water, filled with insects and vermin, rushing down her body. Altermind smirked as he watched her be taken away.

[Theorymaker]

Travis was happy. Altermind had come to see him personally which was the most important part of the plan. The cameras embedded in Travis's costume will have gotten a picture of Altermind even if he hadn't been standing right in front of him. Travis hid any trace of happiness on his face though and tried to think of an escape plan. Still, one victory was better than none.

 

----------------------------------------------------

 

Kathy was freaking out. They were spraying her with just water, but now they somehow had gotten insects in it. Now it was more insect than water. Swarming over her, getting under her costume, trying to crawl into her ears. She shook her head trying to get them off of her face. She started screaming as they continued to crawl all over her, but then some of the insects started getting in her mouth trying to travel down her throat. She quickly coughed them up and closed her mouth. "Wait, less water! I can burn them! Kathy started concentrating building up heat to dissolve the water, to start a fire. Then the bugs started biting.

 

Please tell me there is a range for Altermind's powers. I hate writing up hallucinations for my characters. They turn up very unpleasant.  

Edited June 23, 2014 by Theorymaker

[A Joe in the Bush]

Joe finished the final annotation of his Map. Thoughttown was a large area, and he had to memorize all of it to stand a chance against Altermind. Illusionists were a pain to get close to. Once they knew you were there, they could turn invisible, or make it seem as if you were in a different room. it was nearly impossible to beat them in a fair fight. He had learned that the hard way when he tried to kill Mirage back in Bend. That was why he stopped doing duels, and switched to assasinations.

 

He still didn't know if he would kill Altermind, or ally with him. It depended on how he handled the current situation, with the explosions and intruders. If he killed them, Joe would avenge them, but if Altermind let them go, then Joe would ally himself with him. It would be good to have an ally. Portland had a lot of Epics. Too many. With an Ally though, there would be safety.

 

Joe rolled up his map, and put it into the filing cabnet. His safe house was an abandoned Church. He hadn't checked which Denomination of Christianity it had followed, but it's worshippers were gone now, and the Clerks office was still well stocked. He had stored the Remainder of CorpseMaker's Money there as well. So far, it had been undisturbed. People still had faith in God, even when Epics ruled. But Epics won't rule forever. They can't rule, if they're dead. Altermind, I'm coming for you.

[TwiLyghtSansSparkles]

Night had nearly fallen by the time Doctor Funtimes had seen her share of Portland. Nathan had tried to direct her pranks toward the harmless end of the spectrum, and in most cases, it had worked: Ducklings and bunnies scampered away from garbage heaps and vacant apartment buildings. Even so, he hadn’t been able to stop her from turning a few cars into trampolines or piles of stuffed animals. He tried not to think about the people who would need to walk or find some other way to work. Then again, if cars were as expensive in Portland as they were in Newcago, those people might be able to afford new ones.

 

Doctor Funtimes skipped down the vacant sidewalk, coming to a stop outside what could only be the lair of a powerful Epic. It seemed to have been a bank at one time, but the lettering above the door was gone. She giggled.

 

“Okay, last one.”

 

“Then back to Tillamook?”

 

She giggled again. “Tillamook.”

 

He took that as a yes. “I think those cameras would look nice as kittens. What do you say?”

 

“Don’t be silly! We’re going to make this into the biggest bouncy castle the world has ever seen!”

 

Nathan understood her reasoning. Life as an Epic was a constant battle for supremacy. More dishes had been broken over tacit insults than by clumsy servers, and repairs to the blackjack table had become so routine it could be completed in three hours. Changing another Epic’s lair into a bouncy castle would send him an unmistakable message: “Hi there! I’m Doctor Funtimes. I’m more powerful than you. What are you gonna do about it?”

 

That didn’t mean he had to like it. “And then we’ll leave? I’m—um—kind of tired.”

 

For the briefest second something like concern crossed her face, nearly knocking him to the ground. Then it vanished into a smile, covered by her quick giggle. “It won’t take long. And it’ll be worth it, trust me.”

 

He nodded. He couldn’t speak.

 

Doctor Funtimes pranced around the lair, waving her hands, singing as she did. “Oh where is my hairbrush? Oh where is my hairbrush? Oh where oh where oh where oh where…..” Nathan watched as the plaster became rubber in red and blue and yellow. The first drops of a rainstorm made hollow pitter-patter sounds as they hit. He hadn’t seen what he thought he had seen. Epics didn’t feel sympathy, even for one another. There was no reason why she would feel it for him. It had been his imagination, he decided. His brush with death was making him hallucinate.

 

Come to think of it, that was a terrible thought. It was wishful thinking, nothing more.

 

When the outside was completely transformed, a process that took the better part of four songs, Doctor Funtimes skipped over, took his hand, and led him inside. He stood in the entryway as she skipped and spun, plaster and tile turning to rubber as she sang another song. “The Biscuit of Zazzamarandabo was lost to the world many years ago…”  

 

Smack. Smack. Smack.

 

Nathan froze. “Um, Doctor?”

 

“Almost done!”

 

“I think someone’s here.”

 

Her eyes brightened. “Oh! He can see what I’ve done to his stupid lair!”

 

“Maybe we should go before he—“

 

Smack. Smack-smack. He heard it again, above the patter of rain and the roar of the generator she had created especially for the bouncy house. Outside, lightning flashed, illuminating the silhouette of a man trapped inside the wall. It was an Epic. It had to be. No human could survive being trapped inside a bank wall. 

 

“We should go.”

 

She slapped him playfully on the shoulder. “No we shouldn’t! Not without inviting him! That’d be rude!” She took a ribbon from her sweater and, with a snap of her fingers, turned it into a razor blade.

 

Nathan could only watch, scarcely daring to breathe, as Doctor Funtimes bounced to where the silhouette was and began to cut it free, singing about a party for everybody. 

Edited April 15, 2015 by TwiLyghtSansSparkles

[A Joe in the Bush]

These 2 posts were written by The Only Joe and TwiLyghtSansSparkles. CorpseMaker’s point of view is in Red. Funtime/Nathan’s stuff in Blue.

 

He didn’t know how long he had been in the wall. He couldn’t see anything. He couldn’t talk, or breathe, or even move. All he could do was move his feet. Trapped for Eternity. If I ever find out who did this, I’ll destroy them! The things i’ll do to him, that Epic. He had figured out the powers of the Epic. Teleportation. He had grabbed SwordArm, sans clothes, and teleported him straight up. Then he had grabbed His own ankles, and teleported him into a wall, one with a hole in the bottom, so that the Epic could leave without him. Come to think of it, he couldn’t feel any of his own clothes. Skin contact teleportation then.

 

The wall disappeared.What? Did I do that? But no, he could hear voices now. someone, singing?

 

“The Biscuit of Zazzamarandabo was lost to the world many years ago…”

 

He could see around himself, but he was between two walls now, rubber ones? he smacked his hand into the walls, Trying to break through them. Then, he heard a new voice.

 

“Um, Doctor?”

 

“Almost done!” The Singer. Two Epics?

 

“I think someone’s here.”

 

“Oh! He can see what I’ve done to his stupid lair!”

 

“Maybe we should go before he—“

 

He slammed his hand into the wall again, this time trying to get them to come over. He didn’t have a knife, or even clothes, and none of his powers let him destroy solid matter.

 

“We should go.”

 

“No we shouldn’t! Not without inviting him! That’d be rude!

 

Great. An Insane Epic had transformed his bank into rubber, and now wanted him to go to a party. Suddenly, a razor blade cut open the Rubber directly to his left. He grabbed the rip, and tore it wider, falling out of the wall completely. There were two people standing above him now. A man and a woman, both of them clothed.

 

“Oh hello. Thank you for getting me out of there. Now boy, give me your clothes.”

 

Nathan reached for the lapel of his duster, but Doctor Funtimes clapped her hand over his eyes with a shocked gasp. “That is icky! No! Bad! Even Fortuity wore pants in public!”

 

Probably not by choice, Nathan thought. This wouldn’t be the first time he’d seen an Epic in their birthday suit, but he was still grateful to Funtimes for blocking the worst of it. There were some things man was not meant to see.

 

"Yeah well, another Epic stole my clothes, so if one of you doesn’t give me some, I’ll take them off your Corpse!"

 

For a terrible moment, Nathan had no idea what Funtimes would do. He thought she might turn the bank into a giant monster of some sort, or skip off into the rain with a naked Epic hot on their trail. He wasn’t sure whether to be relieved or terrified when she smiled.

 

“Okie dokie lokie!” She bounced to a corner that had not yet been fully transformed, narrating her steps with a cheerful “Boing! Boing! Boing!” Nathan instinctively backed away from the new Epic, eyes averted. Many Newcago Epics preferred it, and he supposed it went double for Epics who happened to be naked.

 

A moment later, she bounced back, carrying a metal folding chair and a rolled-up strip of carpet that seemed leftover from the last time the Fractured States had had a President. “Hold these,” she told the new Epic.

 

"What, Why? And who the Heck are you guys? And who changed my Bank?"

 

Funtimes answered with a giggle, and Nathan knew he would have to speak for her.

 

“She thought it would be more fun that way, sir,” he said. He was shaking from head to foot and cursed himself for it. “And she’ll get you clothes, I swear. Just hold the….stuff. Please. She knows what she’s doing.”

 

She placed the chair and carpet at his feet and stepped back, still grinning.

 

"She knows what she’s doing? It doesn’t look like that."

 

“She’s more powerful than you think.” He glanced at the Doctor again, hoping she would make a move, willing her to do what she’d done in the forest.

 

Doctor Funtimes tilted her head to one side and, with a wave of her hand, gave the new epic a loincloth. It sparkled with glitter and sequins in the fading light. “There. Much better,” she said.

 

CorpseMaker stared at the loincloth. “I, There is no way I’m wearing that. And how did you even make that?

 

Funtimes giggled, and all Nathan could manage was an open mouthed shrug. “She does that,” he said. “No one can say why, or how, she does the things she does.” Faking courage, he raised his voice slightly. “She beat an Epic who could see the future. I saw it.”

 

“An Epic, who could see the future? and She beat him? What about an Epic who could teleport? Could she beat one like that?” An idea was beginning to form in CorpseMaker’s mind. Maybe, just maybe, he could get vengeance against the teleporter.

 

“I don’t know,” Nathan said truthfully. He wasn’t about to share everything he knew about Funtimes. Most Epics preferred to keep one or two to themselves, and far be it from him to spoil her secret.

 

Doctor Funtimes giggled and, in the blink of an eye, was clinging to the top of one of the bouncy castle’s turrets.

 

Supposing, of course, that she wanted it to remain a secret.

 

"Well, who is She anyway? I’m CorpseMaker, I used to Rule here, before another Epic Trapped me in that wall. I’m going to kill him. He’s a danger to all of us."