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Found 54 results

  1. Hey guys, I'm not sure if I should post this here on in the Writing Excuses forum, but I'll just post it here and you can let me know if it needs to be moved. Anyway, I'm working on this story right now, and I've been wracking my brain for months trying to come up with tests of skill for a fantasy world. All of the ideas I've had either just don't work, or they don't fit into the world. I've submitted parts of this story before, so some of you might remember it. But basically, it's a massive desert world, with only 1 city, which is sustained by a kind of sand magic. And this test is used to sort through the younger population of the city to find which ones should be allowed to learn the magic. The test basically needs to test intelligence, strength, creativity, agility, etc. It can also be multiple different tests. I'm really struggling with ideas and would really appreciate some help if anyone has any ideas.
  2. I am starting a rough draft for a book and would appreciate feedback. What I have now is about half a prologue. https://docs.google.com/document/d/1s4PG5bqgPaJ7dq-haq-eGp8TF8_IzLbMqxzvQTZ5JM8/edit
  3. Heyo, I don't talk much around here but I've got a lot of writing going on in the background... checking out my site (https://sites.google.com/view/noahairmet/home) would be great and I'd love someone to give me some feedback on the worldbuilding I've done for the book I'm finishing planning... The works that I would really like feedback for are Unkown Cultures and maybe Sanctuary. See my site for details; I hope it's not too confusing... Thanks for paying attention this long! Edit: Here's the links for the ones I need, I've realized it's a lot easier this way. The Forgotten Sanctuary: https://docs.google.com/document/d/1pvhAvVyJUqIpbz9KxISrQpWRpQ8dCRctkPV0M-_soO0/edit?usp=sharing Unknown Cultures: https://docs.google.com/document/d/1BkA3msV_r_jAvi3vqjFcVs-FaVEs2WHueQM8sf19kdA/edit?usp=sharing
  4. This basically is exactly what it sounds like. I’ve got the start of a story, but I need someone to just read it and write a list of everything they now know about the few characters they meet and the world. It does sound overwhelming, but no one in my life really works because they’ve seen the previous attempts at this story and would infer things. So if anyone has lots of time on their hands and is willing to read 4 pages, just let me know. Edit: I added a small section, so now it’s at 8 pages.
  5. The AlleyPlanet. Home to dozens of powerful Cosmere organizations, and millions of other, non-magical humans. The metaphysical bonds that separated the three realms were strained here, put into tension by the massive weight of Investiture on the planet. That just made it easier for the Dauntless to carve a hole through the fabric of reality, transitioning from the Spiritual Realm (Warp?) to realspace. On the planet below, it was as if a second sun had flared into existence, then been devoured again by the dark void of the night sky. The Dauntless, now fully out of the glowing miasma, was a blunt-nosed vessel of war, with twin-linked point defense guns, interlocking fields of flak cannons, plasma lances decorating her stern, and a massive railgun set along her top. She was a battleship, the mightiest vessel in the Imperium’s arsenal, and more ancient than even the Astartes on board her. At least, that’s what Drako thought. In reality, she had been a plastic mini until a month ago, when Imperator had awakened the massive ship and sent her through the strange portal that had brought Drako here. The Reckoners had killed him moments later. Drako had found the Dauntless only days ago, fleeing from the planet Scadrial after a disastrous attempt to assassinate Mace. To his joy and gratitude, Imperator had sent one more gift- an army of space marines from the Salamanders Chapter. He’d found them confused and frightened, and about ready to start obliterating each planet they came across. It had taken a long time to dissuade them, but he'd finally succeeded. A little too well, actually. He'd been unanimously voted into the office of chapter master, the other marines convinced of his wisdom and experience. Drako couldn’t deny that a part of him wanted this- the power, the relics, the glory. The other part sighed, reminded himself that he had barely lived longer than these Astartes, and started to tackle the logistical problems facing his Salamanders. Everything boiled down to them being homeless. Without a base of power, the Salamanders had nowhere to rest, recruit new initiates, or resupply. They would become trapped on the Dauntless, their most powerful weapon becoming their prison. All that would have to wait, unfortunately. First, the Salamanders had a grudge to settle. ------------------------------- End story. First things first: this is an utterly awful piece of writing thrown together in less than half an hour. I need y'all's help to make it halfway readable. It's intended to be posted into the roleplaying section on the Shard, if that helps. First problem- the description of the battleship. Since this comes from Warhammer 40k, it's big and covered with guns. I'm struggling to convey the massive scale of this beast in my writing. Any suggestions are welcome. A picture of the battleship is attached below. Second problem- Drako's transition to leadership. It's rushed, sloppy, and doesn't make sense. Suggestions are welcome there, too. Third problem- a general lack of detail. This piece feels... empty. It fails to immerse the reader, to really bring the scene of a moon-sized spaceship ripping its way through reality, letting raw and unbound Investiture spill out of the Spiritual Realm. I've attached below a picture of what I think the scene should bring to mind.
  6. I need names. Names for cities, people, animals, landmarks. Really anything associated with worldbuilding. I am working on a novel and am in the process of worldbuilding. On this planet, there are two separate continents separated by a river so deep that they are considered separate continents. The river is almost wide enough to be called a channel. On one continent, the land is all taken up and split into Kingdoms. The other continent is almost completely open and lived on by Clans. The Seventeen kingdoms are patrons to the largest seventeen clans. There is frequent trade between the two. Both continents are nearly symmetrical to one another. There are eighteen basic regions that are associated with the main magic system on this planet. Seventeen regions have semi-magical (Geography is involved to an extent.) borders that keep everything the same. The last region is mixed and variable. On the kingdoms continent, there is a capital of each kingdom and the kingdoms' borders are nearly identical to the magic/natural borders. I want the name of each capital and king/queen to be blatantly or loosely associated to the corresponding element. The elements are in the chart below. Clan leaders the same. I also need names for characters. The cultures are based on the cultures associated with the romance languages (plus a bit of Gaelic and Germanic). By this point in the timeline, nearly everyone has one, two, or all the elements. Holidays would be great too. The only major event is sponsored by the kingdoms and performed by the Clans. The Sterling Star Ceremony. This event contains the ceremony just after sunset and the games and carnival-like celebrations continue on until morning. Most things there cost between an Imus and a Primus. Some selective and experimental things cost more. (See chart below). Things like activities would be great as well. The only major activity I have is four-way capture the flag. The only experimental activity I have set up is a group that specializes in hover technology and magnetism. They have all sorts of playground and skatepark equipment. Important things to know: Seventeen Kingdoms, Seventeen main clans (as well as many other small clans), Each kingdom has a capital, they are in a time period like after medieval but before guns. Canons do exist though. As well as basic mechanical machines. Their time system is different. Their monetary system is different. They are associated with the elements. Culture backgrounds are a mix of Latin, French, Gaelic, Germanic, Spanish, Tribal, and the element they identify with. Also one question. Should I change Bug to something more along the lines of Animal? Any other worldbuilding Ideas would be great. The channel referred to at the beginning is actually a river of power. There is one in every world in the series. This river is the river of Guidance. It bestows symbols of guidance to some. It considered sacred to those who follow the Paths.
  7. Hi all, So I have a question I'm curious to know different perspectives on. How do you Brainstorm? I'm a prose writer so I don't know how different it would be for other mediums, but I imagine every creative person has to brainstorm in some way. If not brainstorming, then where do you garner inspiration. I'm talking about something other than the basics like music and other works. When you're trying to create something new is there any place (website, physical location, ect.) you go to in order to get new ideas. Originality does not exist in a conventional sense right, its mixing and reinventing, but where do you get your foundation?
  8. Heya writerly types! I had an idea recently for a thread for us writers who are working on the first lines and early hooks in our novels. Basically I think it would be cool to have this thread be a place where we can get real reader feedback on the beginnings of our novels. In this day and age I think it is important to hook a reader early and keep them hooked so hopefully this will be helpful. The way I envision this working is that a writer posts the first line of their novel, followed by the first paragraph and first scene in spoiler tags. If a reader likes the first line and wants to keep reading they can open the spoiler tag for the next paragraph and so on, then they can give some overall feedback to the writer. It would be good to get honest feedback about whether our first lines/paragraphs are hooking readers so even if you don't like it, try to give honest and polite feedback to help us improve. It can be nerve-wracking for us writerly types to put our work on the line for potentially harsh feedback, so please be gentle. I'll go first. This is from my current work in progress, tentatively titled "The Whistler", my attempt at a fantasy/crime thriller: Dorian mopped up his brothers’ blood in silence. There you go. Thanks for reading, if you did. I look forward to some feedback. All you other writerly types, don't be shy about contributing! I hope this thread will be a helpful tool to all of us.
  9. Hi all, I wanted to introduce myself as that seems to be the decorum. I'm a nerd, gamer, reader, and writer, so precisely the 17th Shard's demographic. I apologize in advance if I come across... let's say clunky. As the Title suggests, I am a true beginner at basically anything resembling this. I've never used the internet to connect with people (one of its proclaimed most popular applications). I find most corners of the internet disagreeable. However, I have been a big fan of the Cosmere for a few years now and I thought if I were to dip my toe into somewhere, it would be here: with people who hopefully share my interests. I hope to share and discuss with fellow fans on here. I'm particularly interested in talking about writing. I often find myself having to explain to people what I'm going for when I write epic fantasy (even more specifically when I tell them about Hard Magic systems), so I'm hoping it'll be a breath of fresh air to have discussions with a shared foundation such as Brandon's work. Anyway, I ramble. Greetings to all, Lunarhade
  10. If your on this site, then you probably already know that Brandon Sanderson is a pretty good author. But I want people's opinions, is he the BEST? If not, then who is? What makes him a good writer?
  11. I am currently in the process of writing a book, the planning phase to be exact. I am also looking for co-author(s), I figured the shard is the best place to look. I need some help, the poll being one, and the other being the magic system. I am having four people wield the four forces of nature and I don't know how to really create a magic system around gravitation, electromagnetism, the weak interaction, and the strong interaction. So please post your ideas. (Names are welcome as well!) Below this is the synopsis of the book. Balance has been upended. I fear I have been the cause of this. I can feel the change on the winds, in my blood. A darkness is coming and I fear I can not stop it alone. My goodness and just dealings have brought this upon the world. God once lived among men, but now he is gone. No amount of searching has uncovered the slightest clue to where he might be. We might as well be doomed. But if you, hero, are reading this, humanity might have the slightest chance, a glimmer of hope to overcome the eternal death that has been unleashed. Do not lose hope, endure what is to come with patience, for if you don't humanity might as well give up. Character Synopsis Aurell Faine She was sent as an ambassador from Ettera to the kingdom of Surn to plead for help, aid and Allies from King Spero Montague. Upon her arrival, she finds out that the capital has closed its gates to all. In a moment of desperation she sneaks into the city only to find herself confronted by a cloaked character. When she reaches the palace she sense that the city is the center of everything, and something big might revolve around her finding out the identity of the figure in black. What will she uncover? Prince Ryker Sinclair Montague 3rd Ryker is third in line for the Montague throne. He is a known to be an excellent swordsman, and witty. But he harbors a secret that nobody can find out. He is the Sparrow. A religious crime fighting vigilante, who feels it is his duty to keep the city safe and return the truths lost to the people so long ago. What will he do when he meets the Etteran Ambassador? Casteal Vaenlane Her name means “the enemy”. Brilliant and talented in engineering, science and mathematics she was inducted into the Flanagan Empire’s military School for the gifted. Even there she exceed the expectations and was soon drafted into the military to build designs of mass destruction and domination. Soon war broke out as Emperor Flanagan tested a new weapon on the peoples of a nearby nation of Voryld-En’ryn. She is promoted to a general of a fleet, she designed herself. Can she win the war? THANK YOU FOR YOUR HELP! -Sahin the Just
  12. I've read through some past threads regarding creating magic systems, but they were almost too specific for what I needed. So here are my questions: - What elements/themes do your favorite magic systems contain? - What types of limits do those systems have (to keep people from becoming all-powerful)? - What makes a magic system believable to you? I started creating a system based on different gemstones (different types unlock different kinds of magic, i.e. elemental, healing, arcane, etc.), but I kept running up against walls in making it work right. I'm not looking for direct advice about my system-in-development (though I wouldn't say no), just some ideas of what readers and other writers find works for them.
  13. Hey guys! I'm currently working on a Fan comic for The Reckoners. It's an aftermath story for Calamity. It's called Absolution and I hope you guys take a chance to read it,and enjoy it. If you like it, please tell me your thoughts, Plot: Tavi Phaedrus has become very uneasy since the fight with Obliteration. For months, She's not eating much, she's become restless, and becomes extremely jumpy. She remembers clearly on what happened during the battle. She was brought into David's world to fight Limelight, a version of her father, and nearly died because of it. She now worries that he will find a way to finish the fight she was dragged into . Prof also has a hard time living with himself. After all the horrible things he's done, he finds it hard to accept it all. He does everything he can to avoid his powers. He doesn't want to hurt his closest friends more than he already did. In doing so, he slowly grows more distant. After an alliance is made between the two dimensions, the two meet. Again. Can the two Epics learn to work together. Can they do that whilst two Epic plan a way to destroy New Cago?
  14. Hey guys so I'll be hosting a Weekly writing competition over on the SE creativity server https://discord.gg/2kUugpF Thor Ragnarok is released in one month here in Australia. For this week’s Prompt- Pick a fable, an epic, myth, an old play, any of those archaic texts (if you’re unsure PM me) and adapt it for the modern era. Beowulf is a young businessman saving his corporation from a lawsuit by Grendel Incorporated. Zeus is a young child exiled from the family business, and returns one day to wrest control of the business from his father and become head of the family. The Ride of Asgard is a stock market undertaking which through underground contacts and manipulation wroughts calamity upon the stock market. (I use wrought archaically). Anyway you get the point….why does everything to do with the modern world have to do with business or something A question for another day, I’m sure you all will find your own creative ways to adapt those musty old tales. Submissions and details are over in the channel. https://www.timeanddate.com/countdown/generic?iso=20170930T19&p0=240&msg=Voting&font=cursive&csz=1
  15. So I'm up in Utah for the next few days, and am going to be headed to the LDStorymakers Conference on the 11th, 12th, and 13th. I started this thread to see if I could find other people who were going to be attending as well. It is an event that you have to pay for in advance, you can't just show up. But I was curious about other possible aspiring writers that I might bump into there, more as a casual thing. So if you're attending (or want to know more information) reply and say what you're looking forward to the most. The Official Website: http://ldstorymakersconference.com/
  16. As I obsessively read everything to leave Brandon's pen, the more I notice elements of his personality and writing habits peeking through consistently through all of his work. When I come across them, it momentarily breaks the fourth wall, but in an endearing way. I only notice these things because I'm familiar with his writing. Examples: When Joel eats a really salty sandwich in The Rithmatist, that's a sandwich Brandon would love. Frowning signifying contemplation. "Elend frowned" could be it's own sub-genre. Interesting, that. Good points, those. Pretty gowns and sharp, buttoned-up military uniforms The 1920s. Oh goodness the 1920s. And I am among the least of these, the Sharders. What are some other things others have noticed?
  17. Hey there Sanderfans, I just want to let everyone one know that there is a Brandon-themed Humble Bundle available now. It will be running for the next two weeks and features most of Brandon's novellas, a selection of Mistborn Adventure Game sourcebooks, as well as the Graphic Audio editions of Elantris and Warbreaker. Check it out here! The Bundle is broken up into the following tiers: For those who pay $1 or more Firstborn / Defending Elysium Omnibus The Emperor's Soul Legion Legion: Skin Deep Warbreaker Part 1 - Graphic Audio Elantris Part 1 - Graphic Audio Mistborn Adventure Game For those who pay $8 or more Sixth of the Dusk Shadows for Silence in the Forests of Hell Perfect State Warbreaker Part 2 - Graphic Audio Elantris Part 2 - Graphic Audio Terris: Wrought of Copper - Mistborn Adventure Game For those who pay $15 or more Snapshot Dreamer The Hope of Elantris - Graphic Audio Warbreaker Part 3 - Graphic Audio Elantris Part 3 - Graphic Audio White Sand volume 1 Alloy of Law - Mistborn Adventure Game All told, if you pay $15 you are getting $174 worth of stuff (that's over 90% off). For reference, just one Part of the Graphic Audio adaptations ordinarily costs $14. It is also important to note that The Emperor's Soul, Legion, and Legion: Skin Deep are not available in regions where Gollancz has exclusive distribution rights (pretty much anywhere that used to be part of the British Empire). Also this Humble Bundle is currently (as far as I can tell) the only place to get the solo ebook release of Dreamer and the Graphic Audio edition of The Hope of Elantris. In other news Amazon.com has a listing up for preorder for a solo hardcover release of Edgedancer. Previously, Edgedancer was going to be exclusive to Arcanum Unbounded for five years but it looks like Tor is amending their contract with Brandon in order to give it an individual release in October 2017. Just in time for a re-read before the release of Oathbringer in November! Nauvoo Games, who are making the Reckoners board game, has also posted some pictures on Twitter, from an event they did last month: I do not know for sure if this is the actual art style they are planning for the game, but I really hope it is. I think it captures the feel of the Reckoners trilogy perfectly. I also love that they used the Superman symbol, presumably as the symbol of the Faithful. Unfortunately however, I doubt that will remain in the actual release due to licensing reasons. Especially since the pendant in Abraham's portrait uses a different design for it. Edit: Since the people over at Nauvoo Games are awesome they just shared on Twitter that there will also be minis included in the game and posted a mock-up of a mini for Abraham!
  18. So, this is a thing you may have heard of. Baciscally, you read this mystery, and try to guess what happened... “Now, don’t read that book the entire time,” whispered Swara’s mother as they went into the room, “I know you’ve almost found out who the murderer is, but you know it’s better for you to be social.” “Yes, mother,” she sighed, tucking the book into her bag. She went over to where her aunt was standing. “Aunt Arabelle.” “Ah, Swara! How’s things going?” “Good, thanks. Where’s Uncle Martin?” “He’s just grabbing something, I think. He’d better get here soon, though, it is his party after all.” “Wouldn’t have thought he would have had it in him,” said a man standing nearby. “Eh?” Swara recognised the man as Jake Chou, uncle Martin’s secretary. “A party, that is. He’s usually quite a cool customer. Doesn’t bother chatting with any of his underlings.” “He’s just quiet,” said Advik, another co-worker. “He works hard, and he doesn’t like to be disturbed.” They engaged in small talk like this for a while. Arabelle’s husband Gavin joined in after a while, as did a few other minor relatives. Swara’s older cousin Tatws talked about a trip he was planning to research the night parrot in rural Australia, and Aunt Isabelle in turn boasted about the trip to Italy she had gone on last holiday. A bottle of champagne was opened with a loud popping sound at some unidentifiable point in the night, and most of the adults had a glass or two. Jake had three, when he thought no-one was looking. Aunt Arabelle and Gavin disappeared into the kitchen for a while to check on the dinner meal that was cooking, and while they were there Swara had to listen to Advik drone on about the intricacies of his job as a mechanic. Luckily, Tatws came to the rescue to chat about birds, and she escaped the lecture until he went on a toilet break. She was almost tempted to feign something similar herself when a loud scream came. All heads turned to see Aunt Isabelle stumble out of a little side room, one hand bloody. “It’s Martin! He’s been shot!” “So, what’s the story here?” asked Detective Watts. “Well, this man, Martin Ackroyd, was found dead by his sister Isabelle. He hosted a party for his birthday, but when he failed to turn up she went looking for him. He was found here, in this chair.” “Yes, I can see that.” “As the chair had its back to the door, at first Isabelle didn’t see he was dead. Oh, and we found the gun that he was shot with, too. It was under the couch there, next to the chair.” “Thank you, officer,” said the Detective, looking at the spot. “Do we have any good suspects?” “Not in the slightest. This’ll take a while.” “No it won’t,” said Swara, entering the room. “I’ve figured out exactly who did it.”
  19. I've hit a strange writer's block where the only thing I've been able to work on is a Voltron fanfic involving my own character. The subject of the fanfic isn't important, though. My problem is that it's really hard for me to write somebody else's characters. Whenever I start writing dialogue, I get caught up thinking, "Would they really talk like this?" "How would they react?" "What would they think in a situation like this?", and then I stop writing. I was wondering if anyone had some suggestions. I know all writing blocks pass, but I'd like to finish something for once in my life.
  20. This thread is a mix of a few things all stemming from my notice of cliches built around Magic Systems and World Building. My Hopes For This Thread: To discuss everyone else's opinion on how they feel about tropes/cliches in Magic Systems and World Building. To challenge the fellow writer's out there to begin thinking differently when creating; to not settle for what's easy. To learn who out there thinks in similar ways as myself but also to learn strong oppositions. What This Thread is Not For: It is not a place to get defensive. I want myself and others to be challenged by this thread. Allow yourself to open up to opposition. This doesn't mean you shouldn't defend your stance – we want that. Just don't be upset on opposing views nor defend little things simply to defend your honor. It is not a place to attack someone. The last thing we want is someone presenting an opinion to have it attacked belligerently. This is a discussion and debate, not a place to over-react or criticism. So without further ado, let's start by talking Elemental Magic. The one thing that begun this thought process was in something I noticed in many writers abounding with desire to write fantasy. Can we move on from Elemental Magic? Don't get me wrong. I love the elements. I love the magic built around elements. Mistborn is basically elemental via metal. I am also obsessed with Avatar/Korra. But seeing "Here's my version of Earth, Air, Water, Fire." in every place you look gives me negative emotions about it. I think elements are key to magic. I think having magic perhaps based on only one element would be extremely awesome. But it feels contrived at this point. Not to mention, most writers are trying to take Elemental Magic and give their own spin on it. In turn, we only get a convoluted mess of a system that has too many powers for someone without a spreadsheet to get a grasp of. What is your take on this?
  21. Since I happen to be very skilled at writing grand and half thought out beginnings, let us BEGIN! Before Time, there was Eternity. A realm half made, forever shrouded in the mists of possibility. Although unpolished, there was grace in its form. A sort of beauty that can only come in beginnings. And so, in this realm, the Brothers sat. The bickered, as brothers often do. But, for cosmic entities such as these, their disputes were not small spats. No, these were titanic battles between concepts! Between the forces of creation! But, as we know, in the end, neither brother truly ended above the other. For they were too similar in their difference. There was Jengu, who was dynamic, bringing constant change in his wake. He wrought with his hands beings such as Chaos and the sun! Things which brought meaning, which changed. He was a temperamental god, to be sure. Constantly unhappy with that which he had created, he oft allowed it to be destroyed, or passed it along to his brother, Yezra. Yezra, who with his careful machinations built Order to combat his brother's dynamic Chaos. He created spires of unimaginable beauty, although they lacked spark. To Jengu's dynamic passion, Yezra sat silent. A static being, one who remained as he had been at inception, Yezra sought to be the antithesis of his brother, seeing such creations as his to be clutter. Over infinity, however, the brothers saw that their battles never truly changed. Although there was always a victor and a loser at the end of their arguments, neither brother ever truly succeeded in gaining that which they truly desired. Jengu created for the love of it, while Yezra built things with a careful plan in mind. Both spawned endless creations, each one imprinting themselves upon reality. As Yezra created Order, it in turn spawned all the functions of the world, the foundation for reality. Chaos in turn crafted demons and magic, which warped the laws of Order into a mishmash of ideas. The brothers hated each other with a fervent passion, while in their hearts they felt Envy. In time, both came to see the beauty in their creations and the creations which followed those. They saw millions of stars, shining. They saw planets which were cradles for life, holding creatures which were neither Chaos nor Order, neither of Yezra nor Jengu. Although they saw beauty, their rage overcame it. Together, Jengu and Yezra agreed to end their immortal duel. Together, they created something, which in time would come to be stronger than anything in either the Mundane or Cosmic, something which would shake the foundation of reality itself. Together, a soul was placed in the vessel of a human, a burning storm within chains. It would incubate within the body, until it grew and changed the world. We still wait for the king, the man who will change the world. Will he ever come?
  22. Hello. Its been awhile since I posted on this forum. I decided to get back on here after reading Elantris and watching a couple of Sanderson's interviews that inspired me to keep on writing. It sounds weird but how Sanderson studied Robert Jorden, I am studying Sanderson's writing and consider him a mentor that I have never met (Can't wait to meet him for the first time in Toronto 2017). Being 100% honest I am writing to a dream of being published by a company like tor; its something that I can not shake away but deep down I love telling and writing stories. Writing for me at this moment in time is strictly a hobby, currently studying Computer Science at Sheridan College. One thing I know I need to do going forward is read a lot more books. And books of different genres. I am currently collecting all Sanderson's books, wheel of time books and stephan kings novels as well to start with. I also need to start writing more often and also find time to write even during crazy times like exams. Well getting to the point of this post here is my idea for a fantasy standalone novel(no title yet, names and such will change): Elass is the most powerful and wealthy kingdom in all the land compared to the Elraz Kingdom and The Old Kingdom. This is due to their king, well partly, who turned the kingdom around after a century of war, bringing happiness, power and wealth to the races. After the century war the people of Elass have been drugged(Aether Ore) making them happy and delirium, because the king couldn't of just flipped the tables without a dark side. The king is running out of Aether Ore and the next generation of children will be free from the delirium and have magic- which the Aether has suppressed. These people are banished by the king, because without the Aether in their blood they can feel and see the wrong things the king is doing. All historical records have been destroyed, the people of the Elass kingdom are not allowed to leave except for the king and the king's army who know the truth and some have magic to. Also magic has been banned from the lands making it hard for The Old Kingdom which is the most magical land. Elraz Kingdom has an understanding of one another and hope to destroy The Old Kingdom together. To achieve the spread of this Aether Ore the king has put it into there water source. The moment you are exposed to it it takes a hold of you, gives you happiness and strength when you are actually very weak and ready to die. Plus you can't live without it once you are exposed to it. Here is a prologue bit that I wrote that has new ideas that I want to introduce like loremasters: PROLOGUE “Are you alright, sir?” a scrawny, malnourished servant asked walking over to the prince’s nightstand with a worried look. Gently setting down the tray of food the servant stepped back to observe the prince in an attempt to figure out what was wrong. “Shall I get the leech?” Searing pain laced through the prince’s nerves. Something did not feel right, and it was not the prince's throbbing hangover. He grabbed the edge of the nightstand and pulled himself upright. There was a clang as the food tray hit the floor, eggs and apple juice painted the floor. His breath got trapped in his throat as he fought against crying out. Beads of sweat broke out on his flushed face as he pulled himself the rest of the way up and glared at the servant, panting slightly, with his left hand still on the nightstand to steady himself. “Your hand, sir!?” the servant shrieked. Fear pulsed over the prince as he to noticed a purple symbol glowing on his wrist. He stumbled forward letting go of the nightstand. With one foot in squashed egg his right foot snagged his bed clothing sending him to the floor. Not knowing what to do the servant just stood staring at the fallen prince still shocked at what had just happened. W-what's happening to me? The prince asked himself with no answer to follow up. This was not normal in the Kingdom of Elass, the prince was a human which meant the strange and unknown were not supposed occur. Humans were none magic folk unlike the elves and gnomes in the faraway kingdoms. The only magic that occurred in the human kingdom was with the Loremasters. The prince would be accused of using magic; making him an enemy in the eyes of his father and the public, even if he was the prince and only heir to the throne. The prince knew he would have to deal with that servant soon enough. He could not afford to allow the servant to gossip about this… event to others in the castle. Just another issue on top of another issue. At least this issue is far worse than yesterday’s issue of not being able to beat Sir Will in sword combat. The prince's father was so angry at him, said he had failed him as a son and disgraced his kingdom for losing to a mere knight. At this very moment though all that seemed little, there were ancient symbols still carving into the skin of the prince and the pain was unbearable. With one swift motion the prince threw off his nightgown and watched in horror as purple glowing symbols slowly curved their way up his right arm. So there you have. A bad plot followed by bad writing. I would love to hear your thought. What you think about the plot. How my writing can be improved and such. If this is not the place to ask such questions well, ignore what i asked and move on Also who here is excited for Stormlight 3?
  23. Lately I've been editing a friend's book as they write it. I think I've become pretty good, giving advice about story structure, characters, dialog, grammar, perspective, etc. But, I noticed that I seem to lose my ability to distinguish problem areas with these things in own work. I try to cast a critical eye and despite my efforts I feel blinded. Is it even possible to edit yourself without bias?
  24. I am not a careless person. I cover my tracks, monitor what I say, look before I cross the street. At least, I do now. When I was 20 years old, I walked home reading a book. I was so engrossed that I failed to notice the heavy metal vehicle moving at my frail, human body at 40 mph. It swerved, I stopped, no one was hurt, no one died. They never do. It was only when I took the cookies out of the oven that I noticed the mark on my arm. I knew what it meant. It was my duty to report to the authorities to be murdered. If I didn’t, anyone who saw it would kill me on sight. I didn’t want to die. I was only twenty years old! I hadn’t even finished college, much less gotten to all my grand plans and ambitions (never mind that I didn’t have any. I had time to plan out the rest of my life later. So I thought.) I burned my arm on the cookie sheet. The scar covered the black mark somewhat, and I put a bandaid over it. The people at work didn’t question it. After some time, the burn healed. The mark remained black over the scar, bigger now. I tried carving it out with a knife. It was winter now, and long sleeves were the norm - no one would notice my injury. The mark remained, the bloody lower layers of my skin black as death’s robes. From then on I wore long sleeves. When I went to the doctor I covered it with paint and hoped they wouldn’t notice. They didn’t. I was lucky. The mark grew. I was in trouble when it reached my wrist. As soon as it covered my hand I would be discovered. I ran. Soon I will be nothing but a shadow in the night. Perhaps some of the stories they tell of night creatures originate from people like me. Those who escaped, their marks covering them, even the whites of their eyes turned deepest black. In a way, we are no longer human. Isolated, undying, immortal, betrayers of nature’s most fundamental law: all things must come to an end. If I outlive humanity, will I ever die? When the sun goes nova, will I still exist? When the universe ends, will I endure? Or is death simply a shortcut to that end? When the last star has gone out and matter has been erased, will Death greet me with a weary sigh, saying “where have you been? We’ve been waiting for you for an eternity.” At that point, will I even remember who is waiting for me?
  25. For those here who write, I am curious - what is your favorite genre to write? If it's not listed speciffically in the choices, feel free to comment on it. And no, I'm not making a difference between Adult and Young Adult. I personally like writing sci-fi the most, although I dabble in pretty much any genre that has magic/technology.