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To the tune of "Survivor" by Destiny's Child.... the Kesier edition! If you are like me, you probably need to play the actual song and think/say/sing the lyrics below to see how it fits (Warning, spoilers for all things Kelsier and Cosmere...Enjoy!) Let me know what you think or if you have any fun/cool edits! Also, anyone particularly gifted in the singing of songs and such that would want to turn this into something that can actually be listened to? haha

So, for the Mistborn RP site, I had a character named Felicity Arduenna, and elderly retired obligator who writes Lord Ruler fanfiction. Now that the MBI is retired, I figured I'd post the snippets of Felicity's novel, The Lord Ruler and I here for amusement and posterity. Titles are references to the RP threads the snippets came up in, not to the actual snippet content. Note - this is a parody of the type of novel Ellista would be interested in if she ever relocated to Scadriel. Very melodramatic, flowery, and heavy on the romance. I don't believe anything in these snippets goes beyond what Brandon would include or has included in his books, but if that type of thing isn't your forte, please feel free to pass this over. Note 2 - I don't condone or encourage starting a relationship with a nearly omnipotent ancient god emperor. Snippet 1 - Felicity Arduenna Snippet 2 - A New Master Snippet 3 - The Tale of Mother Ashes and the Mist Gremlin Snippet 4 - A State of Readiness Snippet 5 - Ancient Whisperings

In the year 1173, in the first battle, when the Everstorm first awakened, one stood. Broken by the plains that had been shattered, his soul blistered by the fires of Damnation and tainted beyond Tranquility, he chose the path of perpetual torment to defend others. In his burning devotion, he found no peace, and with boiling blood he scoured the lands of Roshar seeking vengeance against the Fused lords who had wronged him. He wore the medal of an Alethi Highmarshal, and those that tasted the bite of his spear named him . . . The Stormblessed. https://youtu.be/xdqxwZkSso0?t=13 Hey all, I just was minding my own business when I had the dumb idea to take a pre-existing monologue and remake so that instead of being about the original subject, the "parody" is about our favorite Windrunner Kaladin Stormblessed. The monologue that this is based off of is from the Doom Franchise, and is called "I. Dogma." (Disclaimer, I have not actually played any of the Doom games, I simply heard the originally and thought it was so cool that I just had to screw around with it until it fit for our good friend Kaladin). Click on the Video link to be sent to a Youtube video that seemed fitting considering the source material. Feel free to place anything else that you think might be neat that's a parody or reimagining of something. This is just me sharing this dumb thing that I thought of, so the bar isn't high.

HI EVERYONE! So a while back I heard Megalovania for the first time and it...utterly destroyed me. So I had to write a Sanderson parody of it, of course. Oathbringer ending spoilers, alternating Odium and Venli POVs. I will probably try to record this later and edit that in, though my voice is trash lol. I really hope you enjoy it, and all feedback is treasured! Odium: Glowing with Light Eager, ready cause they think it's their fight Highprince's army, darkeyes and light All those Radiants, shiny and bright Silly young Rosharans There's Dalinar, not Thrilled to be here (), flaming like a star I appear and victory's not far This is gonna be the deciding spar You're my champion Venli: Humans, you won't win today All his Rhythms punctuate your death Don't you try to make a storm now, just relent The wrong sister lives today - I just don't know what I'm doing here Murderous cries and Light-killing smiles acquaint me with your goals Odium: Sparking through the Everstorm and into the sky The Fused and singers, my whole army, come to take what's mine A son of Honor dares to look me in the eye? Your words are accepted but it's too late I'm here to lay a claim to all your agony and hate Come a little closer ~ I promise you won't regret it What was that you said? You invite pain into your head? (Venli:) Oh, your Passions are strong But my enemy, you are wrong What is this new song?! What is this new song?! My people, massacred, no reason why Any why you tell yourselves is a lie Gemstones start to mean nothing when it's only one day squeezed out of a lifetime I sing, I hum, I scream, I cry I watch as families fall beside me These powers mean nothing when I'm just bluffing Three Realms combine and then I say the Words, now I have the key My lightspren hides deep inside of me Ambition is vicious, yet it vanishes and I'm left kneeling here I've sworn the Oaths, but do they mean anything Voidspren swirl around the Shardic king My sister died so I could be here tonight Can I do better? Glowing with Light, I only want to end this whole fight All those singers, skin patterns bright Keep my hope desperately in sight I'll cross any border I'll disobey any order to free who i can

@Shard of Thought and i are trying to create a Cosmere version of the whole "The greatest showman" soundtrack. So far the idea is to have the first song (the greatest showman) to be a sort of intro to the cosmere, and the rest to be about different books in the cosmere. If you want to try one just comment which one so we know. Let's have fun! I'll make "A million dreams"

I originally read the Wheel of Time because I was already a fan of Sanderson and figured I didn't want to face the dilemma of what book to read next for a while. 14 books should keep me busy for a while, right? Well a few years and 3 re-reads later, here I am with a parody song, inspired by my initial confusion over who was who with all 2000ish characters. Spoiler FREE, check out the lyrics but you'll only really get a sense of it by listening. Not a great recording, but I was working with certain limitations. It is what it is. I finally found a name that appears twice, after months of work and the thing being already recorded...oops. Bonus points if you find it! I am the very Model of a Major Robert Jordan Fan.m4a

So basically, to make a semi-long story short, a while ago on discord, me and a few others make up an off-brand version of Brandon Sanderson, called Beandon Seanderson. We found this very funny, and continually made jokes about him, until one day I made the joke that he had written the book "Fogbirth", a basically rip-off of Mistborn. After this, we started Seander-izing book titles, and came up with several funny names, and we decided to make this a forum game. But then I got lazy and never did it, UNTIL NOW. TL:DR make funny versions of book titles (Doesn't have to be Sanderson) and have people try to guess what book it is. I shall start this off, with Terms of Shiny-ness. Answer is in the spoiler box.

Add your own! Kaladin and Adolin start dating Shallan lightweaves herself a boyfriend Renarin and Rushu and Navani invent sliced bread and the wheel Adolin accidentally resurrects Sadeas Sadeas conquers all of Roshar and unites them under the Iron Throne Sadeas realizes his true Calling is to unite Westeros instead and leaves Rock and Lopen start a restaurant called the One-Armed Herdazian Lift eats tons of chouta and farms stormlight at the OAH The economy collapses due to the aforementioned farming Moash becomes a Highprince but then goes to Reshi Isles because that was hard work and he wants a vacation Venli becomes a full willshaper and makes statues of Eshonai everywhere The Parshendi decide that the whole war thing was a bad idea and go to OAH to eat pancakes The Parshendi get into a pancake eating contest with Lift and lose The Parshendi go massively into debt due to contest Debt starts another war

For all of you musical fans out there, I have to point something out. The song "Do You Hear the People Sing" fits perfectly with the Parshendi. I can just imagine Venli singing this as the Highstorm approaches. The lyrics are below. And Javert could totally be a Skybreaker.

Hey, this is for all you Sanderfans who also love the Mario games, especially Super Mario Galaxy! So this is Super Mario Galaxy, but it's in the cosmere. So instead of the Good Egg Galaxy or Honeyhive Galaxy, we've got Scadrial, Taldain, etc. This idea first came to mind when I was playing Super Mario Galaxy and was skating on ice in one section of the game, and it reminded me of Lift and her use of the Surge of Friction, or Slicking. So I thought: how about Investiture abilities become power-ups for Mario as he travels throughout the cosmere in the Urithiru Comet Observatory? So we start with the many "galaxy clusters", or main sections of the game Mario goes to get the Power Stars (I'm still figuring out how to tweak those to fit into a cosmere comparison). An entire section taking place just on Scadrial, across various parts of it: 1. Urteau (3 stars plus prankster comets) 2. Fadrex (3 stars plus prankster comets) 3. Hathsin (1 star) 4. Luthadel (3 stars plus prankster comets) 5. Kredik Shaw (a boss level in which you fight Lord Ruler Bowser) Another section taking place entirely across Roshar: 1. Shattered Plains (3 stars plus prankster comets) 2. Kholinar (3 stars plus prankster comets) 3. Yeddaw (3 stars plus prankster comets) 4. Purelake (1 star) 5. Thaylen City (a boss level where you fight Highlord Bowser Jr.) (I'm trying to figure out a third section that includes just Sel and Nalthis.) A collection of other main worlds: 1. Taldain (3 stars plus prankster comets) 2. First of the Sun (3 stars plus prankster comets) 3. Ashyn (1 star) 4. Threnody (boss level where you fight The Evil) And a secret bonus section where you go to the Cognitive Realm to find Power Stars: 1. Expanse of the Vapors (3 stars plus prankster comets) 2. Silverlight (3 stars plus prankster comets) 3. Damnation (1 star) 4. Shadesmar (boss level, but boss enemy undecided) The final level of the game can take place on Yolen or something. Now, for the power-ups. All Allomantic and Surgebinding ones have a time limit to using them. Pewter Mushrooms make you impervious to injuries and keep you at full health for a limited amount of time. Tin Mushrooms help you see in dark places or locate secret objects/characters for a limited amount of time. Iron Mushrooms allow you to pull on metal objects using point-and-click for a limited amount of time. Steel Mushrooms allow you to push on metal objects using point-and-click for a limited amount of time. Atium Mushrooms show what enemies and traps are about to do for a limited amount of time. Gravitation Flowers allow you to change your direction of gravity using point-and-click for a limited amount of time. Friction Flowers allow you to slide and glide freely on any surface for a limited amount of time. Division Flowers (aka Fire Flowers) allow you to burn objects around you for a limited amount of time. Breath Flowers (aka Tears of Edgli) allow you to bring inanimate objects to life to help you out, but has a limited amount of uses before running out. Sand Mushrooms allow you to move sand around to fight enemies or access higher areas, but expires upon contact with water. (Though this is counterproductive to sand mastery, so I should probably try to find another way around it.) Various other enemies include normal Goombas and Koopas on all the worlds, obviously, then Koopinquisitors and Koopa Koloss on Scadrial, Parshendi Koopas and Fused Koopas on Roshar, Boo Shades on Threnody (the Evil is Big Boo), and Dry Bones Skeletals on Sel. This list is subject to extension. And for prankster comets, which are mostly the same with one small difference. 1. Speedy Comets, which are colored red and give you a time limit to complete a level, 2. Daredevil Comets, which are colored orange and give you only one hit point instead of three. 3. Cosmic Comets, which are blue colored force you to race a Cognitive Shadow resembling yourself to a finish line. 4. Purple Comets, which require you to find 100 purple coins scattered about an area. 5. Aluminum Comets, which are grey colored and remove all Investiture-based power-ups from the level. I hope to put more detail into all of this and add on other things, but here it what I've come up with so far. Yeah, I know it's all very silly, but what do y'all think?

I met Dooley in the spring of my senior year. I remember the day distinctly. I had set my alarm for 6:15, but after hitting the snooze fourteen times (I’d been having a good dream, but can’t tell you what it was, because I’m not the sort of girl who’ll tell a stranger all about her most secret dreams) I’d barely had time to leap out of bed, yank on a pair of Levi’s 515s and a dark green T-shirt before grabbing the whole box of Lucky Charms on my way out the door. I didn’t even have time to brush my hair, which I didn’t realize until I got to school, still shoving handfuls of marshmallow cereal into my maw. I could think of nothing else until he walked in, and then I could think of nothing at all. He walked down the hallway, clad in black from head to toe. Well, neck to toe. His head wasn’t covered in anything but a thatch of blond hair, which was gripped in the long, slender fingers of his left hand. His head, which swung freely with his lean yet muscular arms, sported a wide, ear-to-ear grin. Literally ear-to-ear; I didn’t even know mouths could smile that wide. I wondered what it would be like, to be that happy, instead of weighed down with the weight of homework and lousy wifi. “Hey, Jordan!” The oddness of a head speaking from near somebody’s kneecaps vanished the second his cheerful voice washed over me. “Sam, Lori, Mister Andrews. What’s kicking? Aside from you….kicking the bucket!” His laughter rang through the hall as three students and a teacher fell to the floor in a dead faint. There were gasps and screams, but I barely heard them. Barely saw all the students pull out their cell phones and dial 911. Or maybe their parents. I wasn’t paying attention. The box of Lucky Charms had slipped from my hand and fallen to the floor. I don’t know what it was that drew me in, when so many of my classmates seemed repulsed by his very presence. Perhaps it was his laugh, so loud and full of mirth. Perhaps it was his roguish good looks, accentuated by his strange choice of where to keep his head. But I think it was his confidence. So many boys my age stuttered and stammered when they tried to ask me out, but Dooley marched through the school like he was some ancient spirit with command over every soul within it. I grew short of breath as he approached, striding up to me without a care in the world. He was coming, and he was going to talk to me. I became ever more aware of my long, mousy brown hair, standing up in giant poofs like I was a member of an 80s hair metal band, my fashionable yet rumpled jeans, my T-shirt that I only then realized I’d put on inside out. I wanted to straighten my hair, to make myself look more presentable, but it was too late, he was almost there, almost to my side…. At the last second, his eyes widened, as though he’d accidentally slammed his nose into his knees. He stumbled back, swearing viley, before hurrying off down the hall. “God, I hate your necklace! Wear something else next time!” Stricken, my hand flew to the gold-plated locket at my neck. I didn’t remember putting it on. ----------------------- My friends were unusually quiet that day at lunch. Usually they were talking about the latest pop culture sensation, and I’d listen just to be polite. I really prefer entertainment made at least forty years before I was born. Not Elvis or the Beatles, though. They’re too mainstream. I prefer the Archies. “Did you see him? Brianna said in a hushed tone that I wouldn’t have heard, if the rest of the cafeteria hadn’t been so quiet. “Carrying his head….” “Mmm,” I said dreamily. “He was really slaying, wasn’t he?” Sometimes I like to use modern slang. “Uh, yeah,” said Nathan, fixing me with a stare. “Literally slaying.” “I heard they’re dead,” Sofia whispered. “So am I,” I said, chin propped on my elbow. “No, Cora, dead dead. As in, are-you-going-to-the-funeral dead.” “What are you saying?” I asked. “Are you saying Dooley would kill someone?” “No,” Brianna said, “I’m saying he already did.” “How’d you know his name, anyway?” Sofia said, but I was already gathering my healthy salad with tofu and butter, because I’m half-vegan on my mother’s side. I wouldn’t stand for this blatant slander any longer. “Dooley is sexy,” I told them, “and I will not have you besmirch his good name in my presence.” The last thing I heard as I walked away was Nathan’s voice: “When’d she learn a word like besmirch?” ------------------------ Weeks passed with no sign of Dooley. The days blended together, a dull conglomeration of hours and people and meaningless events with colors melding into grey. The world felt so lifeless without Dooley in it. Sure, I’d only seen him once, but that one time was all I needed. Then, just before Prom, I got a card in the mail. The front was a picture of the strangest car I’d ever seen, a black convertible with a ragtop made from pieces of….animal hide? Maybe? The wheels had spokes that were strangely white, like bleached bones. They were shaped like bones, too. The headlights were set on top of the hood, and seemed to be made from human skulls. It was kind of hard to tell through all the silver glitter. Inside, the message was penned in dark red ink that smelled kind of strange. Like...I don’t know. My dad’s eyes went wide and he asked if that was blood, but I figured it was just one of those scented markers. Hey, baby, the message read. Put on that white dress I like and meet me in the ballroom. Leave that awful necklace at home. I’d rather kiss your neck when it’s bare. I didn’t know what white dress he was talking about. All I’d ever bought was jeans and T-shirts, because I’m not like those stupid giggly girls who go all gaga over a boy they just met. I went to my closet anyway, and there it was: a flowing gown of white silk that left much of my back and both shoulders bare. I tried it on and it fit perfectly. “You are not going to that dance, Cora,” Dad said. He was standing in my doorway, shaking like a leaf. “You’re not the boss of me.” “Actually, I am.” “Well, I’m going.” ------------------- I still don’t know how I slipped out the window without tripping the alarm he’d set just for me, but I was there in the hotel ballroom the school had rented for the big dance. And so was Dooley. He had his head tucked under one arm as he danced to “Whip It” playing over the speakers. His other arm swung the strangest whip I’ve ever seen--white and bendy, looking identical to pictures I’ve seen of human spines--to the beat of the music. People screamed when it touched them, falling to the floor and clutching their faces as six teachers and countless students dialed 911. I too was enraptured by his dance moves. How he did them in a tux was beyond me, but he always was magical. When he saw me, his face split into that massive grin, made all the more charming by the way it came from beside his chest. He strode over and, taking his head by the hair, he used his free hand to spin me around the ballroom. “You’re an amazing dancer,” I breathed. “Tell me more,” he said, his head rolling from hand to neck to shoulder and back again. “People fall to their deaths when you say their names.” “Keep it coming, babe.” “Your whip...it...it looks like bones.” “Mmm…” “I know what you are.” “Say it.” He was holding his head right up next to mine now, and I could smell the overpowering scent of moldy cheese. “My boyfriend.” His grin fell. I had a split second to wonder what I’d done wrong before he spoke. “Yeah, I just don’t think this is going to work out, Cora.” I wasn’t aware of the gasps, the screams. I didn’t see the paramedics rushing in a moment too late. I wasn’t even certain I was dead--I’m still not certain now. All I know is my last thought before I crumpled to the floor: I can’t believe you’re dumping me!

A song I wrote in the throes of post-Calamity mind break syndrome. Major spoilers abound. A parody of the Gorillaz song "Clint Eastwood," because rapping is Calamity's secret vice. (Original music contains explicit lyrics.) I ain't happy, but feeling glad I've got limelight in my hands I've fought this for oh so long This curse just keeps going on I ain't happy, but feeling glad I've got limelight in my hands I've fought this for oh so long This curse just keeps going on And going on And going on And going on... Yes... Finally, someone let you out of your cage Unchained to bring destruction and to shout out your rage I just freed from within All your natural sins How they've clattered in din But they're always what wins Regrettable Perhaps you didn't see so I command you to From my point of view I'm just making your wills tangible. Live and learn Hope and spurn As you raze and burn Toss and turn 'Cause these lessons had to be this stern. Now you lie and claim that hope's for what you yearn As if you could discern You think I'm corrupting you? Nudging you? Maybe. Cyclical The power that's bestowed on you just proves that you're all crazy Mindless You squawk and fuss and gawk at every sunrise Sightless 'Cause it's clear no truth could push into your eyes You like this? You're just beasts that think they're righteous But you're all just spineless Removed from all brightness I ain't happy, but feeling glad I've got limelight in my hands I've fought this for oh so long This curse just keeps going on I ain't happy, but feeling glad I've got limelight in my hands I've fought this for oh so long This curse just keeps going on And going on And going on And going on... The essence of justice Relies on some substance You lack in your numbness Children in your roughness Epics You think they're far removed, that's a fallacy You're in them! Every steel city Every flooded sea Every murder spree I see them with my eyes! All this destruction and demise! Corruption undisguised! While you claim that some are wise And you hit me with your lies Claim that if I'd just left you be some heroes would arise. But fear won't depart. "Calamity's" the name you give for what's in your heart And it tears you apart. That's you, not me So I'll just stick around and be the watcher Throw out some gifts to drown out what you think is solace I brought all this To show you can't survive when you're so far from flawless Meantime all your nightmares might just hightlight your dread Till doomsday just remember that they came from your head. I ain't happy, but feeling glad I've got limelight in my hands I've fought this for oh so long This curse just keeps going on I ain't happy, but feeling glad I've got limelight in my hands I've fought this for oh so long My curse just keeps going on And going on And going on And going on And going on My curse just keeps going on And going on And going on And going on And going on My curse just keeps going on And going on And going on And going on And going on My curse just keeps going on And going on And going on My curse just keeps going on And going on And going on My curse just keeps going on And going on And going on My curse just...

A piece of utter insanity inspired by a private conversation and by Disney's Frozen. Major spoilers for Firefight follow. Starring Megan as the singer during the climax of the book. * opening music plays * The flames burn bright 'round my body tonight I'm being burned alive. Prof's gone way off the deep end And it's doubtful I'll survive. Regalia planned this, though I'm not sure how or why If I'd been shot instead, I wouldn't have to die... Adjust the aim, point the gun at me David's rifle will let me beat this heat I'm really glad it's remote con-trolled... Well here I gooooo! Let it go! Let it go! Not burning up in that smog! Let it go! Let it go! I'm dead but not for long! I don't care If I go insane The assassination failed... Death never stopped me long anyway. It's funny how some distance Makes everything seem small And the fear that nearly killed me Can't get to me at all! It's time I went on the attack To defeat Phaedrus and turn him back David won't get squished tonight... Time to fight! Let it go! Let it go! I am one with Time and Light! Let it go! Let it go! I rise as Firefight! Prof can't fight My time-changing light Let his force fields fall! My power twists the very laws of time and space! My soul shines outwards, lighting up the terror on Prof's face! And one thought shines through me, this one thought is clear I'm never going back; Tonight I feel no fear! Let it go! Let it go! Phaedrus lifts off and flies Let it go! Let it go! David hasn't died! Here we are Safe in Babilar I will feel no fear... Death can't stop Firefight anyway.

Until now, we've only had rumors and speculations to go on, but my latest source have just confirmed the inevitable truth: Brightlord Adolin Kholin and Brightness Danlan Morakotha are no longer in an item! And they did not part on good terms! That's right! It seems that our happy couple is no more! The exact reason for this break-up is vague, but Brightlord Adolin himself helpfully informed us that "this one was not his fault" and "things she'd said to her friends...", but refused to elaborate further. On Brightness Danlan's end, all I got was stoney silence and fierce glares. However, by this exchange alone, we can kind of form an idea of what happened. So, someone blabbered too much in the relationship, eh? Well, these things happen. As a highprince's heir, Brightlord Adolin is indeed privy to some important family secrets, but since Brightness Danlan still serve in the Kholin household as one of their primary scribes, it's unlikely that it was anything official. But if it's not official, then does that mean it's... personal? Now what juicy stuff have she told others that Adolin wanted so desperately to keep a secret? It must be huge! Enough to end a whole meaningful relationship over! What is it? Is it embarrassing? I must know! It must have been awkward! ...But probably not as awkward as being face-to-face on a daily basis with your ex. By and by, great job there, pretty boy! To find out, I've talked to some of her friends, but they all shut me down with the usual "read and find out" so they were no help at all. Unfortunately, it is unlikely that we'll know more until March. This is a sad hour indeed. As we all know, Brightlord Adolin is not exactly the most loyal lover, but when Brightness Danlan first came into the scene, we all thought thought, "here is a clever and firm woman who can finally tame our favorite womanizer", but apparently, even she has folded like so many others before her. Alas, Brightness Danlan, we had such high hopes for you. Perhaps you'll make a comeback one day, but the odds are not in your favor... Sayonara señorita, we'll miss you! But don't celebrate yet, ladies. It seems our most eligible bachelor just can't stay still for long. There are already rumors abound that he has since engaged himself to another woman, a foreign lady of high birth. Out of the furnace and into the fire, huh? Tune in next time when we speculate about this other woman, what role she played in this break-up, and how much we hate her guts! Also, I'll show you how to turn all those excess cat hair into a home-knit sweater!