aeromancer

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  1. I seem to keep running into that problem. I also know what's causing it to. I tend to write short stories in patches, and piece them together, which can work for someone more skilled than I, I suppose. Need to stop doing that. Fair point. Other people have pointed out that there's a lot of information, which is kind of the struggle I ran with. This backstory is exploring a complex character of a literary world that I've created spanning (currently) multiple books, which may mean that a short story isn't the best way to run this. Thank you, it's what I was trying to do. Guilty as charged, I'm afraid. Yes, I do know all the answers, but it'd take far longer than a short story to develop both Rachel and De's respective characters and motivations. Okay, okay, I get it. I wasn't attempting to be subtle about it, but I suppose there's something in between Random Name Generator and brick-to-forehead-foreshadowing. De's name will be changed to something else. Well, glad to see I'm consistent. I think I have a problem with heavy exposition just because I like it. I don't mind sitting through a couple text walls to find out plot elements or story, so I suppose it just doesn't register when I do it. Yes, we are in the world of Corromast, although this story takes place roughly 750 years before Gears & Sigils. Rachel should be familiar to you as a character, though she goes by a different name in G&S. Still has the same ax, though. Your point on my inability to kill people is valid. Thinking about it, Destiny couldn't easily used his power to make him elsewhere in the town. So, I killed him for no reason. I seem to do this often, don't I? I was actually going for that. The reason why Destiny thinks Rune is killing him is because of absolute power, the reason Rune is killing him is closer to 'action with no consequence'. That needs to be more spelled out. Also, I actually use 'Riddle me this' as part of my normal lexicon, though whenever I think Riddler, I think either Zero Year or Hush. I have a riddle/puzzle obsession. Stump me if you can. I usually mean to make those references, but that was completely accidental. Thanks everyone for the feedback. I was getting slightly worried, but it was worth the wait. I've got what to think about and (more importantly) what to fix.
  2. Random Stuff X: Something Weird

    I have two thoughts about the trailer. First, what's with all the action sequences? That will eat up precious time that can be used for inner monologues. Second, where are the potato chips? I'm going to have to echo chamber @Quiver here, and say that a movie isn't a good medium for conveying the full story or impact of Death Note. If I had to stake a guess, I'd say that they aren't using Light as the protagonist, as really nothing in the trailer remotely reminded me of Light. Especially if they make the protagonist an American (which seems to be the case), which means the glorious irony of his name would be completely lost.
  3. Lounge

    I second this. The only way I've gotten more than fifty pages into any given work is having people who were giving me weekly critiques, and the fact I needed to have weekly updates to send to them.
  4. Well, yes. But the way Rune's power set works is such as seeing the world in gray except for traces of other powers, so I felt justified in it's usage. Probably just worth swapping to 'gray', I suppose. This is my fault. I meant to have Rune introduce herself, but I kept swapping what name she was using, so I suppose I forgot to put that in. (laughs) Yeah, it's Latin for Destiny. I have an unhealthy obsession with using names that secretly mean things if you're good with ancient languages, word puzzles, or both. Rune's character is part of a larger universe, and Rune, in it, has a reputation for using her hair as a weapon. This is because her hair has limited movement on it's own, and a couple unique properties. The hair wasn't strictly necessary, but it's in line with her character. The first soldier was elbowed, second was stabbed, I believe. No, De wasn't bad, there's nothing going on geyond what you read. Rachel isn't dead, she's just a disguise that Rune wears (Rune has limited shapeshifting abilities). Rune isn't a human host to an otherwordly spirit for two reasons. One, her original species wasn't human. Two, she was never alive in the first place, so when she received the 'otherwordly' spirit (it's a bit more complex than that, but for now that shall suffice), so there was no host to overwrite. Well, this gets interesting, as Rune as an a pretty complex backstory and simplistic motives. Her job is to kill Order hosts. She's tasked with this by her father/creator, the reason being that Orders are too dangerous to allow in the mortal realm. The reason isn't because absolute power corrupts absolutely, Rune kills them because she's born to do that. Her job is killing Orders who have the ability to use their powers to their full extent. The reason she was created for that isn't because the Shadows were afraid Orders would turn dark. Shadows couldn't care less. That being said, 'magic is forbidden' is kind of an oversimplification. There are powerful forces in the world overall which don't appreciate magic, but the rule of thumb in the world is that everyone in it has access to 'magic', of sorts. The species determine which one you have access to, but everyone has some form of it, so isn't any government which forbids it. Though, having a 'Children of the Light'-esque group isn't a bad idea. You've given me food for thought.
  5. Hmm. I don't know the background you have with the Three Laws, so I'm going to explain my problem from ground up, forgive me if I repeat information you already know. The Zeroth Law in Asimov's robots crashes them. Literally crashes them. The only robot that could handle the law was R. Daneel Olivaw. The reason for this is established fairly early on in Asimovian literature, showing up in the short story Liar! (appears in the I, Robot short story collection). The robot in LIar!, RB-34, can read minds, and realizes in can emotionally damage humans, which violates the First Law, so it is forced to routinely lie to the staff of US Robots and Mechanical Men, until Dr. Susan Calvin traps it in a zugzwang, and RB-34 crashes. This is because the First Law operates on a essentially binary basis, either it is harm or not. Asimov does mention a series of experimental models (JG models) in another short story that can grade potential harms, ... That Thou Art Mindful of Him, but those have severe problems as well. Anyway, the problem with the Zeroth Law is that if a robot does a behavior that may lead to the harm of humanity, it will crash, brick, become unresponsive, break, etc., and since so given robot can know whether or not any behavior leads to the betterment of humanity, a robot who knows the Zeroth Law has no choice but to shut down. Alright. I'll try to be as general as possible and know that everything I say is only true to the extent of my knowledge. It's a bit roundabout, so bear with me.. Artificial Intelligence can be broken down into two general types, Specific and General. We (current technology) have mastered Specific. There are two approaches to achieving Artificial General Intelligence (this isn't abbreviated to AGI, and I don't know why): ground up, and simulation. For the purpose of this discussion, an Artificial General Intelligence is a computer that can pass a Turing Test, meaning that it's pure intelligence is equivalent to that of a human. [Side note: An AI with greater intelligence is know as 'the Singularity', and is logically impossible.] Ground up isn't so important, it's building an Artificial General Intelligence from the framework of Specific. Simulation is what you should be interested in, as it's a computer program which simulates a human mind. Now, we don't have a working simulation of human minds, but we do working simulations of parts of smaller mammal's brain, so it is conceivable that a mechanical brain capable of the same thought-patterns of a human is. This isn't the Asimov 'positronic brain', that unfortunately is more fiction than science, but that is probably what you'd be looking at for storing a human conscious in a robot body, complete with biological capabilities like hormones (all simulated). I have no idea how you'd get a human thought-pattern from an organic brain into that mechanical brain, I'd imagine it'd be highly invasive, and possibly destroy the organic brain, but it'd be theoretically possible. The real problem is moving the human conscious, which is independent of the human mind. The literature of this is recent, so I don't have as good of a grasp of this as possible. It appears from my reading that the human conscious is non-Turing compatible, which means that it is non-computable with any form of a mechanical mind. Meaning, it'd be possible to store the personality, mind, thoughts, knowledge, etc., of a human, but not their soul, to was a bit poetic. I suppose the difference is I wouldn't consider killing a android with a downloaded human brain as bad as killing an organic human, but I really shouldn't be saying those things out loud, being someone might misinterpret it. Killing a android-human is bad. Killing a cyborg is bad. Killing a human is bad. Given the choice between saving an organic or a android-human, I'll pick the human, though. I've feel like I've rambled on long enough. If you want me to clarify something, just ask here, or over at my AMA thread because that could use posts.
  6. 3/20-Wisps of Aether-A Foreign World

    Sweet little piece. I enjoyed it. Here’s some critiques. Right off the start, we get a page worth of expositions purely through dialogue. I do this a lot, so I don’t mind it. The only problem is when you have characters discussing something they both know (i.e. relativistic speed effects) instead of something they don’t know (i.e. certain parts of towns). That aside… Protagonist: At the end, I got a sense that he was a bit broken and jarred, possibly from the unnamed event which is why his parents don’t exist. It’s be nice to see just a bit of foreshadowing to that at the beginning. Also, you may want to make it clear that the protagonist isn’t the quoted astronaut. Probably obvious, but I just assumed he was. The time dilation plot device you used is one an author named William Sleator uses, the best example is a children’s book he wrote called Marco’s Million, so if you want to explore the concept, I’d recommend reading that. That being the case, eight years is a lot for personal relationships and people to change, but it’s not that much for societies to change. You’d need something big, like a technological revolution and a hundred years of so. Overall, I very much enjoyed it.
  7. Notes: The android humor is funny. Really funny. Reminds me of WolframAlpha. I would definitely like to see more of it, and I’d like to see the words ‘Turing Test’ show up. Also glad to see someone else writing about a non-living being faking the need to eat this week. Robot sidekicks are tricky to deal with, because AI should behave slightly different from humans, but still be compatible, and I think you did a good job. Two further points. First, kudos for using Asimov’s Laws. Second. Really? The robot knows the Zeroth Law and can function without crashing? I find that implausible. Q is the same, which is good, I suppose. I will call you out for using ‘relaxation first dan’. For starters, it should be ‘relaxation, first dan’ (first dan is an adjective) and, first dan is in reference to an extreme mastery level of martial arts that can’t necessarily be reached by practice alone (from my understanding). Moth is, well, a spoiled brat, but I suppose that’s because we’re getting Q’s viewpoint. Side note. So, I’ve been looking into the field of artificial intelligence and human conscious. It’d take a while to go through, but I might be able to give you a brief overview (based solely on my understanding) of the possibility of storing the human conscious? I can’t claim credentials other than many, many hours of research into the subject, though.
  8. Here's a brief one-shot. I'd like feedback on the atmosphere, principally. Also, seeing as there's a brief tangent on the nature of good and evil, comments on that would also be appreciated. (Wouldn't mind getting sidetracked into a weapon-forging discussion either, but if wishes were fishes no one would go hungry except people who really don't like fish.) Violence isn't beyond what I normally send, the reason I put slight 'L' is because (while the language is tame compared to what other people use), it's beyond what I normally do. Also, yes, the protagonist is a villain. Just in case you were wondering.
  9. Email List and Submission Dates

    I think there are three so far for the 20th. I have a one-shot I'd like to submit. (Yes, I've been writing a lot of one-shots lately, it helps for world-building.) The title is Quenched, and it's a literal and figurative forging through fire. Same forge.
  10. Historical fantasy happens to be my second favorite genre, so this sounds awesome. I didn't realize you were putting that much research into this. I now feel an urgent need to look up what 1700 alchemists were thinking to assign Libra to sublimation. Suppose it's going to get assign to my list of Random Research Topics (current research subject: quantum characteristics of human consciousness). The pigment use here isn't that bad, it's what S has as a weapon. But, yeah, the pigments have to fail majorly at some point. Well, that's the million dollar question I suppose. The reason I got such a strong sense of S being an alchemist protagonist is because S has a massive drive to be a alchemist, but you need that to be the case at the start of the novel for the character growth to occur over the course. I also got the sense from S's extracts, which strike me as a powerful alchemist weapon. Looking at this, my approach would be a) have side characters (possibly M) question what S's real goals are, and cast doubts over S, but not take away S's drive, so the reader gets the sense that S isn't doing what S should be doing, and b ) point out that fungus pigments are a considered to be 'parlor tricks' among the guild, and not 'proper alchemy'. But that's just a few thoughts.
  11. TAIG: I’m going to do an analysis on the symbols, for fun. Later. The flow in the last paragraph on page 1 can use some work, I think. I’m getting a clear sense of panic from S though, which I assume that is what you’re going for. Wait. If S never studied alchemy under a master, how does S know the basics? “Or did you lay the to trail following them?” – I’m assuming that you forgot to name the fungus in this sentence. Is this the first time S’s age has been mentioned? Because I don’t recall S being that old, and I wasn’t getting the sense that S was 27. This got long, so I reorganized my thoughts into comments. Comments: Symbols: So, salt is a circle with a line to represent the base/acid components, I guess. A triangle pointing down for water, because that’s kind of what a water molecule looks like? Libra for sublimation? I’m drawing a blank here. Libra may be the odd Zodiac out, but I can’t connect the Scales to sublimation. Royal Alchemist R: I have a negative impression from this guy. R is shown to make highly unreasonable assumption (like assuming fungi cannot be bioluminescent) without evidence and doesn’t believe in poly-specialization which is (insert curse of choice here). When developing new ideas and exploring new fields, people who have a hand in a massive amount of skills (instead of just one) are just as important as pure specialists. And he compromises on principles to avoid thanking someone for his incompetence. His personality does offset the impression, but not enough. “What was the purpose of a birthright, if not to give one control over one’s future?” To my understanding, the whole concept of a birthright runs contrary to the concept of ‘control over the future’. Now, if S wants to throw off the birthright, that is understandable, but, generally speaking, ‘birthright’ implies responsibility to a certain goal or cause. ‘Elves are utter nonsense’. Negatives are very difficult to prove, and it’s kind of a downer to see any believer in the scientific method make a negative absolute statement, especially since magic and walking trees have been established. I mean, for all we know, elves could be an alchemically-altered human species in this world. Walking Palm: Yay, an Ent! Moving trees are always something I like to see, though we get precious little about it save for a brief fight scene, which is resolved using pigments. Pigments, by the way, are cool, but if they get used every fight as a one-shot win, the fights will get boring. (Harsh) Criticism: I’ve been debating about writing this bit for a while, but it’s probably something you’d rather be told and it reached a peak in this chapter, so I’m going to say it, but please read to the end. At this point, I’d probably close the novel. The problem is that I don't see S as a compelling alchemist protagonist. Compelling protagonist – yes. Alchemist protagonist - not especially. This chapter actually had a very nice bit a development in terms of that, I appreciate a protagonist who has the resolve to stand for beliefs. The problem, again, is in the alchemical aspect. This is kind of important. There are certain tropes and goals that get attached to genre protagonists. Fantasy protagonists need to be on an epic quest of a sort, Sci-Fi protagonists have a problem that needs to be solved. I expect an alchemical protagonist to want to break Laws. Not legal laws, the Laws of Nature themselves, like G = 6.67x10^-11, and the like. S does not have this, in fact S believes the reverse. S is anti-transmutation, and complains that alchemy reeks of magic, which I assume means S is going to work within the rules as much as possible. Now, I have to empathize (because I’d really hate for this to be taken the wrong way) that S is a good protagonist. However, S clearly mentions the desire to become an alchemist multiple times, possess an incredible amount of practical alchemical knowledge, yet has no goals or desires of a classic alchemist, which means that I don’t find S compelling as alchemist protagonist, which I identify S as. The nearest we get is the desire for the universal solvent, but that’s not even so useful on a practical level, certainly nowhere near lead-to-gold or the unlimited youth. To end on a positive note, (as mentioned previously) I found S's development to be good. S is realizing what S's goals and that S should stand for them.
  12. Forgiven. Critiques are almost as good as compliments. As Edison once (may have) said, 'I have not failed, I've just found 10,000 ways not to invent a lightbulb'. (Probably false to some degree, the real number is closer to 1,000 I think.) I prefer to think of a critique as things telling me what not to do, meaning I can only make less mistakes in the future. So, thank you. Yes! I'm very happy about this, though the fact that most people missed it means I've got my work cut out from me. Still, at least I'm on the right track. So, shamanism is a system I've kicked around for a while (and under a lot of different names) and it's been developed a lot. It's the most subtle system I've got. North Legend is part of a larger world. Thanks for the feedback.
  13. Ask A Budgie anything

    Between one second to never, then. Interesting amount of time it would take to eat over fifteen thousand pancakes. Follow up question: If you decide not to use maple syrup in the consumption of said pancakes, would that mean more eating time or less eating time?
  14. Ask A Budgie anything

    How long do you think it would take for you to eat 15345 pancakes with maple syrup?
  15. Ask aeromancer Anything

    Excellent question, though the answer, I'm afraid, is neither. Although the '-mancer' suffix in modern jargon usually reference a magic user of some sort, the roots of the suffix are actually steeped in the specific art of divination. An aeromancer would be someone who uses the wind to tell the future, and not someone who manipulates the wind (though I do that by breathing). I do not use the wind specifically to tell the future, but I do use something borne upon it. Specifically, the flapping of a butterfly's wings. I'm usually not this philosophical or detailed when it comes to names, but I suppose this website drew it our of me.