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      Oathbringer Spoiler Policy   11/13/2017

      Oathbringer is out! Let's make our policy on spoilers clear! 1. You must preface topics with Oathbringer spoilers with the prefix [OB] in the front 2. You are only allowed to post spoilers and spoiler topics in the Oathbringer Spoiler Board, Cosmere Theories, and some select work-related forums. 3. For posts in the Oathbringer Spoiler Board you do not need to use spoiler tags inside a topic marked [OB]. For Cosmere Theories, you also do not need to put spoiler tags inside your topic if the topic has [OB] in the title. However, for Cosmere Theories, if you are adding Oathbringer stuff to an old theory without the [OB] tag, those must go in spoiler tags and you must make it obvious outside the spoiler tag that the spoiler is regarding Oathbringer content. 4. For select things that do require talking about OB spoilers, in Events, Coppermind, and Arcanum forums, those are allowed but keep OB spoilers in spoiler tags 5. Avoid and minimize spoilers in topic titles--even though those two boards will not appear in the Recent Topics ticker, topic titles still appear in Recent Activity and the forum home.  6. You aren't allowed to post Oathbringer spoilers in places other than listed, even with spoiler tags.  It will be nine months and then the Oathbringer board will be re-merged with the Stormlight board and you will not need to tag these spoilers. If you'd like to move something in the Stormlight Archive board to the Oathbringer board, to update it with new Oathbringer information, Report the post and we will happily move it to the Oathbringer spoiler board. Part-by-part Reactions Though the Oathbringer Spoiler Board will be very spoilery, very fast (maybe don't come there until you've read the book, as people do have copies that bookstores sold early), you'll have these five topics for reactions if you want to nerd out: Part 1 Reactions
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Robinski

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About Robinski

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    Fighting unnecessary capitalisation since June 2013

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  1. I also would like to submit on Monday, please and thank you.
  2. Hey ID, thank you so much for commenting. Yep, I hear what you (and the others) say I'm going to need to ponder that, I do have a farming scene that I've never shared. My problem with it is that it reveals part of the ending, and I'm not sure how to get over that. After I've pondered this, I might PM the framing scene to those who have read the whole story. As I type, I realise there is another problem with that framing scene... hmm. Either way, I can do this!! Yeah, okay. I kind of love/hate them myself. Awesome Erm, you may have a point there... I'm pleased that you enjoy the combo more, and that @Mandamon remembers them together when they weren't. I won't say anything about Moth, other than that I feel I have addressed a major (entirely valid) criticism of later passages. Thanks for commenting, ID. I really appreciate your perspective.
  3. Hey, thank you for commenting! I like agreement club In future, if it looks like I'm going to disagree on anything, I will 'tap out', or possibly 'go limp'. Awesome. Got it. I can work with that. All line edits much appreciated. I will get onto those. I'm going to take that as a good thing, I think. Great comments, thank you
  4. Phew (breathes sigh of relief). Fair comment. I will do as you suggest. I feel like there is a way I can achieve (more of) an arc. It is first and foremost the introduction, but I take the point that it needs to do more. Agreed - will do. Hrmm... that's a harder one. I've heard this too via WE, etc., but that doesn't make it easy. I'll sit, stare out the window and think about that. The least I can do is try and tidy up the head-hoping. Great comments, thanks kais, very much appreciated
  5. Exactly this!! ...and this! Yay! I have yet to read your critiques of TMM. I am excited and nervous all over again!!! Yes, I felt the same. Hi @toomsta, welcome to Reading Excuses!! I agree with this, but will again comment on the detail. I think in fact that needs to be a fair bit more, particular in terms of descriptions and the underlying background of how the stone, the planet, the society all work. Yes! I meant to say that and forgot. Keep going @MasterJack. Really glad you're enjoying it so much
  6. Interested to read more of your stuff, and I'm intrigued by the title, because everything starts (and ends) with character. I like ST’s tone from the start, it slightly puts me in mind of Cadsuane Melaidhrin from RJ’s Wheel of Time; disdainful, remote. Repetition of ‘room’ close together. I confused by her going to the door. Surely, she came in the door. “Combinations of the orders… were dangerous, and not to be dealt with.” – the second bit is confusing, not sure ‘dealt’ works. I was thinking ‘trifled with’. Rather old-fashioned, but ‘messed with’ would be out of the pseudo historical context. Nice succinct introduction of the power of the stone. Don’t really like ‘Thumped’ as a special magical term, because it doesn’t sound special, it sounds vague and a bit generic. I think it should sound magical. “A group of guards had entered after her to clean up the mess” – I suggest including this earlier, because it will change the reader’s image of what’s going on in the room. Then you can describe the guards making noise and pacing around, which sets a different tone than if Shy is in there alone. “Discarding the clothing” – So, is she throwing it away? Seems a bit extreme. Ask your mum (mom?) about a process called ‘washing’. (Sorry, couldn’t resist that! ) “robe embroidery was everything” – suggested for flow. Prose is cap able of having lyricism, I believe, and that comes from flow and scan and rhythm. Punchlines and reveals land better (typically) when they are ‘decluttered’. Rule of Three, rules! Thus, in this line, I think you can delete ‘robe’, because we already know where the embroidery is, and it leaves you with a nice little ‘triplet’*, which lands really nicely, imo. I’m a bit confused as to why the other masters would not believe Shy. Surely, they would have the evidence of their own eyes that the stone was gone, and all the guards, the dead ones included (their bodies) can confirm this. “That was her deadline” – But, will there not be damage and decay, degradation, in the meantime? Won’t the lack of the stone be noticed right away? I'm a bit unclear on that, but presume that things won’t suddenly ‘switch off’ after a month? Or is that when the degradation will start? Also, does the stone have to be removed from the planet for the damage to start? I'm not clear where FT has gone. Also, I'm not clear what he wants the stone for. If the planet, or rather the civilisation will be destroyed, there would be nothing for him to have dominion over, unless he’s planning on reforming the world in his own image. I would like to know more about the stakes. The motivations of the villain are very important for any story. Often more important than the motivations of the hero, who often is just trying to set things right, which is fairly obvious and straightforward. “handmaid was always bugging her to try” – this is a really modern word and sounds bang out of context. I would suggest replacing with a more ‘in tone’ word, like ‘pestering’, for example. More importantly, however, I like her frame of mind as she goes into the hall. Although she’s not looking forward to the meeting, she’s cold, dispassionate, in control—I like that. “Those chairs would be were for servants and attendants” – positivity and preciseness are very important, I think, for producing convincing narrative, and stories in general. I already like your style: I find it pretty direct and clear, and it will become more sophisticated and colourful with experience (I think). One really easy win, I have found, is to replace language that is imprecise. So here, leave the reader in no doubt who the chairs are for. Perhaps there are already some servants, stewards, attendants present or taking their seats. Whatever, but it’s a useful skill to catch yourself when you are writing something like ‘Shy thought that maybe she should get some lunch after the meeting’ to ‘Shy’s stomach groaned. She would have to eat after this session: fainting was not an option.” (Please excuse random fan-fic example.) “That left one empty chair” – Now then. This is back to the point about the guards. From your description of this room, there is no mention of any people in it, any noise of chatter, scraping of chairs on the ground, coughing, etc. Because of that, I assumed the room was empty, but actually, it’s full of people. I know it takes a bit longer, but with a couple of sentences, you could give the reader a much better description of what it is like when Shy walks into the room: the noise, the smell, colours or robes, etc. There’s a great deal of mood and setting and world-building opportunity in a situation like that, or you can just paint a picture of noise and activity in a line or two, but still add greatly to the reader’s experience. I was kind of taken aback that FT was at the meeting. I think it’s because I don’t fully understand the implications of the stone being removed. I presume he’s not carrying it around in his pocket? Does it emanate power? Can it be detected from a distance? I don’t really know enough about it. “ignoring the theft” – this rather contradicts the earlier thought that no one would believe her that the stone was gone. Ah, or was it that no one would believe FT had taken it? Maybe I picked that up wrong. I'm starting to get an impression of some of the masters, which is good, but I have no idea what they look like. Description is something that is kind of light in your writing. You need not spend many words on it, but it can really help you building side characters and underline their character traits (that you have described) by giving the reader a physical characteristic(s) to attach the character to. I think it’s easier for the reader to imagine a generic council chamber (which I am doing), but harder when it comes to characters. Age, build, clothing, mood/demeanour (which you have given us), all add into character and draw the reader into the scene visually as well as with content. I enjoyed this again. Your direct style makes it easy to keep reading, but I think there is good scope to build this up and give it more impact by including some description. There are other points of clarity mentioned above. Also, it feels like we are coming out of the scene quite early. I know that ‘in late, out early’ is a thing, but there is a great opportunity here for world-building, background, character, plot development. You’ve got the (a?) protag and the antagonist in the same room fresh after the horrible crime has been committed. It feels to me like a promise to the reader that there is a confrontation coming, even if it is not an open one. I’m still enjoying this story as it develops. I think it would benefit from some detail, background and perhaps more sophistication / complexity. I don’t mean muddle it with too much detail (often, that’s my trick/failing!!), but to linger and dig into the implications, the stakes, the characters and their exchanges, which is where the best stories earn their top marks, I think. Looking forward to reading more. <R> (*not actually a triplet, which is a different thing, in poetry)
  7. I'm not really qualified to comment since I've read the first book. I knew what was coming and appreciated it as a fan. It still had tension because I didn't want it to happen!! Trying to detach myself from my prior knowledge, it's clear at the beginning what's happening in a broad sense (the 'investiture'). I think you could clarify some of N's political activities. Not really stress them or expand them, but clarify her attitude a bit and specifically, its target. For fans with knowledge of the story, I think this would be a much wanted episode, and is satisfying because of how well it ties into the books. How well would it work for a newbie? Not sure
  8. Ooh, I didn’t expect this, it’s so… lengthy. I'm sure you used the word ‘short’ in the email Exile “You look like a Terran” – rofl. “three Heave Guards” – typo, x2 in same paragraph. “Security had never not even taken notice” – imo. “her primary task was would be searching the heavens” – she’s not there yet, right? (page 4) – There’s a fair front loading of the story with domestic bliss. It’s good for conveying background and setup, but it’s a bit slow for pulling a new reader into the world. I see this opening section is circa 6 pages. I suspect on edit you could compress it a bit. I see that we go into a scene with settees (I’ll never quite get used to that word, bit it is different, which is good) flying overhead, which is a good action note to keep me reading. another mention of the strawberry blonde hair seemed a bit much to me, so soon after the last. On the subject of ‘uncle’, it popped into my head just there that there must(?) be a term for one’s cousin’s tal, which applies like uncle and aunt, unless it’s just cousin’s tal., of course. “It was made from cotton, not rayon, like the actual HG robes” – I find this confusing. To me, this says the HG robes are cotton, I think because of the second comma. “CT board members” – Now, I know what this is, but there may be readers of this story who would not. I see you explain CT later, but not here. Also, with the flash of gold, I thought it was someone in a golden robe coming onto the dais, which was sort of underlined, for me, when you mentioned the president, only then is it noted it’s a craft landing. ‘his brown pants and shirt a drab, wet blanket over the ceremony” – grammar. The list of N’s ‘transgressions’ is more extensive than I expected from the first reference in the previous scene, where it sounded like she had just turned up at a rally. This feels a bit Agatha Christie—here’s a bunch of information that you didn’t know that directly affects the situation and changes the perspective. “You can’t!” – So, I knew what was coming, but it was still a riveting read, the way everything well apart. The thing is, I struggle to generate much sympathy for N. I mean, it was extraordinarily naïve of her to think she could rail against the state and still be allowed to graduate with honour, especially since she had been censured before—or warned at least. I feel like she comes over rather bratty, especially to a new reader. “If she went to space” – this seems like a huge leap for me. If they were travelling a long distance on planet, would they not still go up to a cruising altitude? It seems too soon to reach this conclusion. Yeah, okay, a series of shorts. I get it. I’ll come back to the other pieces. As for this one, entertaining enough because I knew the background to the situation. Pretty much impossible for me to comment on it as a stand-alone, of course. I was entertained. I don’t think it’s a problem that I didn’t feel all the much sympathy for N. I felt some, but she did bring it on herself. Still, she’s an engaging enough character. I imagine it would entertain fans already familiar with Ard the stories. Others? I'm not quite sure how satisfying the arc is. For me, it reads more like a prologue? BUT, I believe that is a thing now; releasing deleted scenes and such on websites, etc. so, no harm, no foul. I'm looking forward to reading the others, but will go do something else first! <R>
  9. No worries - emergencies come first! Good luck.
  10. Hello all, So, this is an SF novel of ~87,000 words. Some of you will have seen it before (from February to May this year, believe it or not), and I will totally understand if you don't wish to read it again. It has changed since the last time. How much? Well, hopefully just enough! I won't say much more other than that any comments you have will be most welcome, and to note that it is a story with adult themes. There is swearing aplenty, there are some sexual references and violence in later submissions, and one scene of moderately graphic sexual violence later on. NB: I would be obliged if you would please REFRAIN from using the title or any 'unique' or identifiable terms from the story, for example the one in the title. Character names should be okay, as they are not unique words. Thanks! Kind regards, Robinski
  11. Yeah, me too. I LOVE that stuff. I'd be happy to roll up my sleeves and pitch in.
  12. At the first sign of syncopation, I will stage a coup to oust you from power
  13. I've got 3 people beta reading at the moment (I think!): one under my direct 'oversight' (Mrs. Robinski). I don't have a CP though. It has changed a bit since I submitted it on here. I'm going into Edit Three. I do acknowledge there were issues, and I know perfection is unattainable, but I would like to give this a go as the next stage on my glacial progression towards learning more about the business end of things.
  14. Yes, welcome back. It was just starting to get dicey there, and looked like I was going to have to count higher than 2.