Mandamon

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Mandamon last won the day on February 26 2013

Mandamon had the most liked content!

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535 King's Wit

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About Mandamon

  • Rank
    Complex and Unnecessary
  • Birthday May 26

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    Male
  • Location
    North Carolina
  • Interests
    Practicing and Teaching Karate, Reading, Writing, Gaming, Tinkering
  1. We get to hold you to this, right?
  2. I have a similar reaction to @rdpulfer, @industrialistDragon, and @kais. I liked the general idea, and the magic crystals, but I didn't feel a lot of connection to the characters, and didn't have enough of a sense of the setting to know why I should care about anything. There's a lot of explanation for things, but then no reaction from H and A. Like Kias says, it seems more like the middle of a story than the beginning. Notes while reading: Goes too much into philosophical discussions on first couple pages. pg 2: “It’s not your fault that some people are too superstitious to buy glowing crystals." --At this point, I have no indication what sort of place this is, or what the tech level is. I'm guessing fantasy world. pg 3: "since apparently she was raised to lump some of the senses together to get five regular ones." --awkward, and a bit of an infodump pg 3: psyching or psychic? pg 3: "Yes, the militaries of the world used gates..." --this paragraph is very Maid and Butler pg 4: "can’t imagine that Xirans friendly.” --missing "are" pg 4: "Apparently, their transparent skin was supposed to feel like silk." --you've used "apparently" twice. It's a very vague word. pg 5: "He stepped out of the way of the first soldier’s spear" --did not catch that the soldier was this close. pg 5: "exactly what he expected to hear" --repetition Chapter 1: I'm not hooked yet. There's the sort of interesting thing with the crystals, and then random soldiers attack, but I don't have any reason to care. A lot of the first chapter is taken up with H and A bantering back and forth, which builds character, but doesn't really draw me in. pg 6: "You needed a general to invade a little town on the sea" --I don't have any connection to the town, so I still don't care that much. pg 6: "I just implied that I’m a Jasuran too." --I don't have any context for why this is important pg 7: "They probably want a Talented on their side" --I need more information on why that's a problem. pg 7: “You took us here as prisoners,” H said. “What makes you think that we want to join you?” --yep. I don't have a reason to be concerned for the characters. pg 8: "Don’t resist,” N said. “He wants you to fight back so that he has an excuse to do worse. Don’t let him get to you.” --I think this is why I'm not engaged. Everything is talked through, which slows the tension down. I also don't know a lot about what's happening or what the stakes are. pg 9: "What extreme times?" --this does not help the tension. H and A seem bored by everything. pg 9: "resisting the urge to knock over tables and chairs made of fancy, uneven wood." --I haven't gotten a lot of emotion from any of the characters, so this seems out of place. pg 10: “I’m glad that I still remember how to act scared, at least,” --this...none of the characters seem to care what's happening. pg 10: "“Oh,” A said, recoiling back. “The portal’s going to eat up the entire town.” --this is least reaction I've ever seen from the demise of a village.
  3. This was a cool interlude. I was trying to remember the pieces you've submitted before, but it seems this was changed quite a bit anyway. My biggest problems were similar to @Wisps of Aether. The POV was not very tight, and seemed to switch in the middle. There also wasn't enough description to really know what was going on, especially whether the characters were moving around, and where they were standing. I thought the sound was described pretty well, but then there were some visuals inserted as well, which confused me. Can S only hear things, or does she take a sort of recording as well? Notes while reading: pg 1, 2nd PP: a bit too much description before getting to the action. pg 1: "you're repeating the same mistake that got me killed" --ok, interesting. pg 2: If they're sisters, wouldn't L know that S collects whispers? pg 3: "Hushed murmurs filled L ears." --oh, we're in L's POV? I thought we were in S's. However, I looked back and there's not really an indication either way. pg 4: "Wow, they look so weary" --They can see as well as hear? I thought it was just sounds. pg 4: "They're almost never holding any exams in these memories." --Does L know enough about the memories to tell? She's only just learned about them. pg 4: L rolled her eyes and didn't stop walking." --I thought they were standing still when S put her hands on L's ears. pg 5: "Neat, but that answer was too short for that to be a good question. I get another" --that's...strange. pg 5: "Your answers are terrible. One more" --This doesn't really add much...
  4. So this was one of the best things ever. I loved the interplay between the characters. Yesssssss.... I would also read a book with them... So now we have an Ard in the Court of the Dyad and Mag on Earth? @kais, you're sending your characters all over the universe! pg 2: hustled -> hustling pg 3: "Certainly, she was pick-Q-up-and-carry-him-to-the-bedroom strong." --lol pg 3, latter half: getting a bit purple, but probably fitting, for this. pg 4: "The term powder room had rather different connotations in this part of the world." --of what? pg 5: "She’ll need first aid the way you’re looking at her.” --lol pg 6: "Must be one of the many candidate planets they were still discovering out Beta Centauri way." --nice pg 7: "Very reasonable rates, and you don’t have to sleep with me if you don’t want to. That’s an optional extra.” --this is awesome. pg 10: love the ending!
  5. I had that same problem the last time it rolled around. But I only needed 2-3 more weeks on Fruits, so I did it anyway, knowing it would take a while for favorited agents to get back to me.
  6. Thanks @kais! SFFPit had the most favorites for me last time.
  7. Looks like everything has been well covered, but 'll comment anyway! Agree with @kais. This has a lot of the fun of the early Q&M submissions. They play off each other well. also agree the coyote attack was a little sudden, and I would have loved more actual flirting between G and Q. pg 3: "This was no place for a good Milanese girl" --this whole paragraph is excellent. pg 3: "Even the Moon was warmer" --lol. Not inspired by recent travels at all, eh? pg 4: "SnotexTM" --I think this is pronounced SNOW-tex, but was reading about sobs and mentally parsed it as SNOT-ex pg 4: "and with a reconstructed leg" --Still want to know more about the resolution at the end of the last story... pg 6: "Take that, android..." --Cool. Nice tension. And there are footnotes! pg 7: "The older man " twice in 2 paragraphs. This jumps out to me. pg 9: "you look like Tom Sellek.” --lol (also, Selleck) pg 12: blocking during the fight is a bit confusing could be cleanup up. Pg 12: love the last line.
  8. @industrialistDragon puts this a lot better than I can. I wrote some similar things in the LBLs I sent, but I was aimlessly flailing at this same concern. I really like the male hair-care product description as well. I was having trouble with S rationalizing that because M liked the chest region she was seeing S as female. I think it was true in context, but that's going to lead to all sort of conflict between them in trying to prove the negative that no, M isn't just attracted to S's body parts.
  9. Love these! I somehow missed that it looked like a current Earth space shuttle, but it makes total sense with the timeline!
  10. Uhhh... all of the above? Depending on Money... The wife has wanted to go to Ireland for years, so that's definitely a plus. ___ WorldCon 2018 San Jose, California___ WorldCon 2019 Dublin_X_ Both, cause why not?
  11. Congrats! WorldCon 2018 is in Santa Fe. WorldCon 2019 is in Dublin.
  12. Ahhh...Moorcock is one of my favorites, though Elric is actually my least favorite and most trope-y of the Eternal Champions. If you get a chance, read the Count Brass novels, or The Dancers at the End of TIme, or some of the other ones. Sometimes the champions even get to crossover!
  13. I'm always a fan of WorldCon. 2018 will be in San Jose, California. 2019 will be in Dublin. Easy access for @Robinski, but less for the North America folks.