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Ace of Hearts

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    Professional Apple Washer (they/he)
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  1. Hi everyone, Thanks for the feedback last week, and I'm glad to hear that the submission read well! At this point we're getting into the climax of part 2, so I'm curious to see how it comes across. Thanks as always!
  2. @Silk I'll have a slot for tomorrow please!
  3. Hi everyone, Thanks for all the feedback on the last submission! I think I'll keep most of the broad strokes events the same, but adjust the buildup and work on streamlining the pre-battle dialogue scenes. I have a feeling that this one is going to also come across as a bit slow with dialogue that isn't immediately plot-relevant, so please do feel free to skim these sections once you get a gist of what they're talking about (especially since I'm over word count). I debated going in and making some more edits since I already suspect this will be an issue but honestly the amount of overhaul I'm planning for part 2 makes me think that it would be more helpful to get all the feedback first and then rewrite part 2 on a structural level. Thanks as always!
  4. Hi @Silk can I have a slot for today please?
  5. Hi everyone, We're jumping back into Everlasting Sunset with a submission that has a bit more action than the preceding ones. It's clear that I need to tighten up the overall narrative arc for part 2 but my current plan is to slot this in without too many big changes unless people feel that this needs big changes beyond changing the leadup to this moment. Thanks!
  6. Hi @Silk I'd like a slot for tomorrow please!
  7. Thanks @Silk @Mandamon for the feedback! As an update, I'd like to continue submitting this story but I had some chronic health issues flare up so we'll see how long it is until I'm in a place to keep submitting. Thanks as always for your all your comments so far!
  8. Hi everyone, This submission focuses once more on A connecting with her soldiers while they infodump, which I'll probably change in revisions due to the consensus being that those scenes don't work for the story that well. If it feels the same way here feel free to skim since I'll need to revamp a lot of these kinds of scenes anyways. Thanks as always!
  9. M is the bureaucrat who was getting on A's case in part 1, and then told A late in part one that they used to be a soldier and was secretly on A's side. It's been a while since we've seen them but they'll be important later. Thanks as always for the feedback!
  10. I'll have a slot for tomorrow please @Silk!
  11. Hi everyone, Again, I'm more interested in general comments from a quick read here since I think a lot of the individual scenes in part 2 are going to be overhauled regardless. Particularly, I want to focus more on the dynamic between A and Am which we get a bit of here in revisions, so it would be helpful to know how that comes across. Thanks!
  12. I'll have a slot for tomorrow please @Silk!
  13. Thanks for your comments @Mandamon! Since I've gotten multiple comments about this, I think for context I'll lay out my thoughts behind A's relation to gender (maybe this is worthwhile context for @Silk's future critiques as well). My grand idea (which even while writing draft 1 I was worried about being too hard to tackle) is for A in part 1 to not really understand her relation to gender, and see the minister/soldier divide as one of societal roles and power. Then starting in part 2, she comes to grapple with more of what that identity means. The idea is that the text mimics this--that the role of gender as identity groups that we recognize isn't apparent at the start but becomes clearer as the characters break from the system and gain a clearer understanding of self. The reason I'm interested in doing it this way is to shift the focus away from just being "X group that we immediately recognize from the real world is oppressed in this fantasy world" and more towards the process of self-discovery and straining against expectations. Of course, this isn't to deny that all of this needs more setup, and I'll try to find ways for A's introspection in part 1 to lead her here even if she doesn't understand gender as a concept at the start.
  14. Happy New Year, everyone! Thanks a lot for the comments last time. I think I'm going to do pretty heavy revisions for the start of part 2, focusing on 1. A's struggle to understand own relationship with gender and 2. Her connection with Am and how she projects her own rigid understanding of gender onto him in an attempt to save him from the dysphoria she suffered from, similar to how she was trying to save P in part 1. So how does that tie into this submission? With the initial setup for part 2 needing a lot of work, I think it's inevitable that the rest of the part isn't going to feel as cohesive as it could be. Which means at this point I'm more interested in hearing what people think about the broad plot threads and what can potentially be done to tie everything together. Thanks!
  15. A bit last-minute but I'd like a slot for this week please! @Silk
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