Vreeah

Members
  • Content count

    90
  • Joined

  • Last visited

Community Reputation

45 Noble

About Vreeah

Recent Profile Visitors

353 profile views
  1. Merch / giveaway question

    I like what this foreshadows. The cover is enough for me, since I usually don't buy the cool extras until I'm already a fan. That said, I'm attracted to pretty or durable display objects. Metal wire art/figurines, paperweights (or anything with some weight to it), and jewelry are my favorites. They don't really need to be for sale to draw me over. I wander by and idle if there's something uncommon. Some nice atmospheric music is a big plus. A short blurb printed on the walls would be convenient—something that tells me more about the genre and story without having me crack open a book.
  2. Lounge

    Oh yay, congrats Silk! I'm always happy to see Asiatic examination. --- I like trains. Underwater tunnels scare me a little bit, but otherwise, the feeling of the world zipping beneath my feet without end is wonderful.
  3. Dialogue tags

    Hm. Genre has some effect on it. I don't read a big enough pool of different genres to comment any more on that, though. --- Personally My written conversations tend to revolve around two people at a time. If it's an extended conversation, I abandon the tags soon after they get going. Don't really need anything colorful if none of the characters are being sarcastic, or saying lines that have multiple meanings in the current context. Most of the time, though, I have dialogue taking place while there are other things going on. After the characters speak a few lines, I write their actions and dialogue together. It relies a bit on line structure, but works. When someone doesn't answer with any words or actions, I need to use "said" to show that the same character is speaking. If it's still an extended conversation, but more than two people are involved, I have to use "said" a lot while the characters are talking irregularly. I can abandon the tags if they talk long enough for the speaker to be obvious every time, but I'm not good enough yet to do this very much. I also insert "said" into the middle of a line of dialogue when I want a long pause there. Punctuation does the same job, and I switch between the two at random. For short bursts of dialogue that pop in like dandelions, I use descriptive tags more often. Its easier to write emotions from dialogue alone if I have enough to work with, but many of my readers interpret short bits of dialogue very differently from one another. A "she snapped back" saves me from having a third my readers think a character is angry, another third think that same character was being kind, and the remaining third with some more interpretations I never considered. No tags when crowds are shouting a bunch of things. It's confusing and impersonal in real life, so it feels right when it's also happening in a story. --- Observations Funny enough, I'm currently reading a fantasy/romance story with a magically mute main character (The Bird and the Sword, by Amy Harmon), so analyzing how tags are used in that might be counterproductive. There are plenty of descriptive tags in here, though, for the record. The dialogue format of Orson Scott Card's Ender's Game is direct. From what I can tell, the tags are often dropped once characters start talking predictably, taking turns. Most tags are the simple sort (said, asked, shrugged, grinned, and told). When lots of peopel are talking, "said" is sprinkled everywhere. Some chapters start off with an exchange that has no name or tags, so you need to guess at who's talking. Oh! He doesn't used "replied" in this book, I never noticed that. Cool. Probably not a good idea to apply what's in Jane Austen's books, with how much the market has definitely changed since then. That said, it isn't all that different. There's more "said she, warmly" and "he warmly replied" rather than the modern "she said, softly" and such. In fact, I think the word "warmly" is nonexistent in both The Bird and the Sword and Ender's Game. It's used in The Star-Touched Queen and The Name of the Wind, but never to describe dialogue. In the same way, "softly" doesn't exist in Sense and Sensibility, but it does mention how hearts soften. I wonder if using "warmly" to describe a voice has mostly died out, though I doubt it. Anyway, digging a bit too deep into the rabbit hole. I'll leave it here for now.
  4. Fun chapter, and there's definitely a climatic vibe floating around here. I found MI a bit too passive in the beginning. The surprise reveal at how they were going to be picked up was sharp, but it died down moments later. E lead and dragged some clothes, and there were some frustrated outbursts on the ship itself, but I didn't feel much tension or emotion during the boarding sequence. The recorded footage went a tad too long. I felt the buildup, but right as EK began talking about things being esoteric, it was noticeably sappy. Just the description of the recording itself wasn't too long, but it got stretched out when interplayed with E's actions and observations. I'm guessing my problem is with how the emotions and tension in both scenes aren't running parallel. E's bond and energy manipulation elicits concern, because there are consequences to failure. It was also more technical than emotional. After its apparent success, there isn't total closure. It ends with more concern, because the torch of risk and anticipation is passed onto AT. The recorded footage is more thrilling and heartfelt, and I believe it ends with the type of hype you can pump your fist to. Beyond that, this chapter shows that the spark on the fuse is tantalizingly close to the next bomb. The tension at the end is plentiful.
  5. EthanBassett-Choose (Short Fiction)- 4192- (V)

    Good day! Whoa, I remember reading the first version, and this new beginning is more sudden. It doesn't work as well for me. Charlotte's gloomy reaction to the doctor's words was an emotion beat, but it slipped right by me when Charlotte herself wasn't established first. Like seeing a stop sign before you know you're driving. The ending is still quite sudden. There's more closure since a choice was made, but there's an odd lack of turmoil. Some of my stray, leftover questions linger with a bigger impression than the choice at the end. I wonder about the contents of the letter Charlotte left for her brother. All the crazed wall-writing also made me think this pill is a scheme to make sure that voluntary, justified murder is the last thing Charlotte does. I expected some deeper consideration. Reasons be damned, she clung to life for a long while. I didn't expect her to give up without any doubts when on the border of death. She was so ready to trust the word of a stranger offering her a dubious choice. There were two choices. One was obviously more selfless than the other, so it played like a cruel experiment. Walking straight toward the selfless choice is heroic, but this seems like a story meant more for introspection than virtue.
  6. This is Alternatim, and its purpose is to show who Sofia is. --- It's a week for revelations. Cheers!
  7. Oh! Hello modern era, I did not expect you to visit. You described how the aunt pronounced "house" and "out" near the beginning of the fourth page, but it looks like you took out the word "out" from her dialogue at some point. Anyway, on to the story itself. The beginning, with its emphasis on cold, made me think of ghosts. When the character's aunt showed up, I was certain one of the two was actually dead. The mentions about the collection kept by this viewpoint character was odd enough to think of something more ominous. For a time I had the impression that the viewpoint character was a killer of some sort who was haunted by victims. The Tell-Tale Heart sprang to mind. In the final two pages, though, I figured out that it wasn't such a dark story. Not dark in the way I'm thinking, at least, since the aunt is unquestionably dead. I'm expecting him to arrive in another universe that's less modern. Wild speculation on my part. Overall, it starts with a very creepy tone. The tone leaked into my impressions on the genre and the viewpoint character's personality, and I'm now unsure of how dark or light the rest of the story will be. Good overall hook. If it turns out to be a fantasy, I'd guess it's a very high stakes fantasy. From how the chapter ends, I'm almost certain that this entire universe froze over.
  8. Email List and Submission Dates

    Sure. I'd love to pop in.
  9. Lounge

    Oh my gods it's so sparkly and smooth.
  10. Hi hi, Kaisa! Because the firefighting was a kinetic scene, the flow broke a couple times when I saw stuk in play. I'm familiar enough with the substance by now, but the term itself always comes with a bunch of thoughts about AT, so going back to the action felt like a bump in the road. I believe that distraction would be less noticeable if I read more of the previous stories, but my current level of familiarity is not enough to get through the scene smoothly. The most intense emotion in this chapter was felt during the "exile" lable moment. However, I think that part could benefit with some more time for the reader to feel the emotion. One paragraph of the reaction, another with an explanation, and a third for a retreat didn't leave a lot of room for the feeling to settle. The following scene with the crying and comfort seems to be there to uplift the reader, but it also felt a little too quick. There's a lot of vague time compression around here. That's about it. The opening action scene had a fine length. I think the landing sequence took too long, especially since AT mentioned the phrase "I'm going to land" twice during it. After that, I think the time spent cooling off from the action was also fine. The rest of the chapter felt short and more simplified.
  11. Hiya, Neongrey! Mm, first off with the revisions to chapter eight. Most of it reads the same as last time. I'd say the most prominent change is how much kinder Savae comes off as. By that, I mean that they're still not kind, but a lot less outright mean. Kathalania's lines are also much easier to understand this time around, and she is noticeably less timid when she's upset. The idea that the design wasn't meant to be jewelry was outright stated this time, which replaced confusion with a question of what the design actually was. More intriguing. Chapter nine was nice and bittersweet. I felt a great well of pity when I reached the small time skip, and had a small smile by the end. I'd say the sorrow and pity outweigh the hope and joy. More bitter than sweet. Plus marks there if that's the intentional setup. Drawing attention to the melodrama and then knowingly continuing off of it definitely stirs up more pity than relief. The implication is that she desperately doesn't want things to end in an argument, so she's keeping true to her word—even though she immediately stumbled after she brought it up the first time.
  12. Hello folks! Hope the year is off to a good start for y'all. I've written two shorter chapters this week. They're mostly here to set things up, more or less. I feel odd this week—not exactly about the chapters, but my head is light and fuzzy. I can't put my finger on why. I honestly just gave Ellis a headache because my head's in a weird place. Uh, I'm not sure why I went on about that, but there ya go. Please let me know what you think!
  13. The character garnered plenty of sympathy. There's enough of a connection for me to feel bad about how she'll end up after the letter. I haven't seen that side of her, yet, but it's enough to hit me with a shred of dread. Other than that, the atmosphere is somber. Draining and sad. I'm pretty sure that was the idea, so I'll put a plus there as well. It is noticeably rough, as you've pointed out. There were a few parts here and there that lost me completely. I skipped those parts and began the next paragraph, and there was enough information for me to get an idea of what's going on. The parts that lost me were mostly in the first and last page. I found it odd how the slur was "outland trash". It's a bit long and too on the nose. I'm surprised there wasn't a shortened slur, and was also thrown off a bit by the chain of events involving that term. Specifically, Lyan thinks up that slur to accompany the shopkeeper's tone and expression. Then, afterwards, the boy repeats the exact slur that she thought. It counts as a coincidence, so it wasn't a bother, but it was something that caught my eye.
  14. Lounge

    Hah, congratulations! I eagerly await the day I can be terrified by the same thing.
  15. Email List and Submission Dates

    Sure. It's been a heavy work week, but I have a short chapter I can parade.