Eisenheim

Here is the hopefully exciting conclusion to my story. I think this will address some of the concerns about section 1's ending, which was just the best break point I could find to get things close to 5,000 words. From the first section, it looks like my biggest concerns are Davio's characterization and making the stray names and concerns feel integrated, but as always, mention whatever stands out.

Is there a slot open for monday? I'll send the second half of Spirits Abroad if I can.

Tirgearr publishing. They charge to read submissions. Not a lot, but anything is bad.

I've gotten likes from two small pressed at this point, but one looks kind of like a scam.

Well, I'll let you know when I get it published.

I got a like from a small press editor for this one " Maddie wears iron and puts fairy mischief right. When her teacher is killed, she deals with a fairy prince for revenge."

I'm giving SFFpit a shot. two so far, no likes, but it's early.

It's a sedan chair. I'll make that clearer. They're the conveyance of choice, because, as we will learn in the second half, horses are not generally allowed on the streets of Travento. As for a lot going on, I do hope so. I've written several stories in the setting a this point, but I try to make them all self-standing.

This is the first part of a novelette. I'm interested in whatever stands out. For more directed critique: Is the level of worldbuilding satisfying or do you want more or less? Do things feel appropriately tense?

I'd love to grab the last slot for Monday. I've got a novelette I need some thoughts on. I can get it in two parts of 5-6000, if that's alright with people.

It's good. You know that. I might try to do some digging into military slang, especially how branches refer to themselves and each other, if you want to polish further.

My thought, just on the first page, is that there's too much extra, too much "the thing is", "anyway", cursing, asides. It really breaks up the flow. You can get the same character across with maybe a quarter of that stuff. This much volume makes Mark really unsympathetic, for me at least. It also reduces how much content you get across. There's nearly a thousand words here, and most of it isn't dialogue, but I don't get a lot of genuine emotion or detail about the setting.

Okay, 2 major thoughts. A few people have mention adjectives. I have the problem of overuse as well. My advice would be to pick which items really need detailed descriptions and focus on them, just let the unimportant ones be bare. That will clear a lot of clutter. I definitely agree with R. D. Pulfer about not hearing the Prochitsa's words. We're in a POV that's listening to them. Why don't we hear along with him? I'm certainly curious enough to read more, but I'm also frustrated at how little I've been given.

Alright. I'm back. I'll try critique a few things and get back into the rhythm of it.

I'm actually gonna get paid. The kickstarter for my first pro sale has enough to fund.