Majestic Fox

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41 Crew Leader

About Majestic Fox

  • Birthday 09/18/1985

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    Newcastle, UK

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  1. It's proving difficult to move house, work, and keep writing. I'll throw my name in for next Monday, and see if I can forge some time to feedback this week. If there's a full house and it's still looking unlikely I'll get time, then I'll pull out. But that won't happen - go forth with confidence in deadline pressure!
  2. Hahah. Ive been back all week now so in truth im excuseless. I still intend to submit, even though right now I'm 45 miles away from my keyboard.
  3. Sorry, I'm late with my submission. Will send it today!
  4. I'll have to bow out for this week. Not going to have enough time to make it happen, so sign me up for next week instead.
  5. Haha. The cafe I'm in right now has too many English voices in...bit distracting. Need to pick somewhere not so high on trip advisor, where they only speak German.
  6. Thanks a lot to everyone for these comments. And thanks to Robinski for posting the work out. Much appreciation.
  7. Count me in Silk. I'm in Berlin writing at libraries and internet cafes but should be able to have something finished.
  8. Overall I quite liked this. The tone, mood and what I gleaned of the setting all made me gravitate towards the story. The first sentence I found vivid and compelling. The main problem for me is that almost nothing happens. There is a lot of the character thinking / reflecting, especially toward the end, which feels like it outweighs description of the character actually taking action..*doing* things. Another thing i noticed was that the character seems quite distant and removed from what's happening. I think this is connected to the above. Not sure if it was an intentional thing or not. Good work, especially for a first draft. Please keep writing.
  9. Thanks for the great feedback, all. I'll be away for a couple of weeks, but the good @Robinski will be submitting the second half of chapter two on Monday. Will be without internet for a while, but will try my best to get some feedback out. Thanks again.
  10. I think there might be a link between this part feeling canned, and something @Truthweaver said: If there was a powerful and convincing reason for why the elders refuse her, then I suspect the story would be more compelling, but you're right @mrwizard70, there are definitely ordinary/cliche/over familiar aspects to the story. They need to be nuanced to add a dash of uniqueness to the familiar. I've got some ideas on how to do that, but it will involve making changes to the writing I've already submitted, which I've promised not to do until I get to the end. I think the best thing would be to write a brief summary of what those changes are, so that the story continues to make sense for you guys going forward. Any thoughts on this are welcome. Thanks again : )
  11. Great comments so far. I think I know what you mean by 'canned', but not certain. Would be useful to know what you and @mrwizard70 mean by it though. Much appreciated.
  12. I'm pulling the trigger on this character flaw. Manipulation and deceit have become necessary for her to survive. Will try to find an engaging way of communicating that in the second half. Thanks for the comments @Mandamon, I really appreciate it.
  13. Sign me up for next week along with Robinski please Silk.
  14. Massive thanks for all those comments @Robinski, @Mandamon, @mrwizard70, @kais and @industrialistDragon Your encouragement helps keep me going through the first draft, and your feedback will be really useful for the second draft. Much obliged.
  15. This is the first part of chapter two (second part coming next week). Interested to know your moment by moment feelings. Please ignore any typos and little things...those will all be sorted on a later draft. Also interested to know where you think the second half of the chapter will go (or where you hope it will go). Thanks in advance!