• Announcements

    • Chaos

      Oathbringer Spoiler Policy   11/13/2017

      Oathbringer is out! Let's make our policy on spoilers clear! 1. You must preface topics with Oathbringer spoilers with the prefix [OB] in the front 2. You are only allowed to post spoilers and spoiler topics in the Oathbringer Spoiler Board, Cosmere Theories, and some select work-related forums. 3. For posts in the Oathbringer Spoiler Board you do not need to use spoiler tags inside a topic marked [OB]. For Cosmere Theories, you also do not need to put spoiler tags inside your topic if the topic has [OB] in the title. However, for Cosmere Theories, if you are adding Oathbringer stuff to an old theory without the [OB] tag, those must go in spoiler tags and you must make it obvious outside the spoiler tag that the spoiler is regarding Oathbringer content. 4. For select things that do require talking about OB spoilers, in Events, Coppermind, and Arcanum forums, those are allowed but keep OB spoilers in spoiler tags 5. Avoid and minimize spoilers in topic titles--even though those two boards will not appear in the Recent Topics ticker, topic titles still appear in Recent Activity and the forum home.  6. You aren't allowed to post Oathbringer spoilers in places other than listed, even with spoiler tags.  It will be nine months and then the Oathbringer board will be re-merged with the Stormlight board and you will not need to tag these spoilers. If you'd like to move something in the Stormlight Archive board to the Oathbringer board, to update it with new Oathbringer information, Report the post and we will happily move it to the Oathbringer spoiler board. Part-by-part Reactions Though the Oathbringer Spoiler Board will be very spoilery, very fast (maybe don't come there until you've read the book, as people do have copies that bookstores sold early), you'll have these five topics for reactions if you want to nerd out: Part 1 Reactions
      Part 2 Reactions
      Part 3 Reactions
      Part 4 Reactions
      Full Book Reactions For parts 1-4, they will not include the interludes immediately following it. On Discord All Oathbringer spoilers on Discord will be exclusively in the #oathbringer_spoilers channel for the nine month spoiler period and nowhere else.

rdpulfer

Members
  • Content count

    602
  • Joined

  • Last visited

Community Reputation

271 Misting

About rdpulfer

Profile Information

  • Gender
    Male
  • Location
    Illinois
  • Interests
    Writing, Comic Books, lots of reading when I have time.

Recent Profile Visitors

1,980 profile views
  1. - I like the opening lines, just dropping us into the middle of the story, post-nightmare. - "Where else can you go to find shelter from the Devil?" A church immediately spring to mind, which makes it kinda weird that he's going to a park instead. - Why does Michael have a wooden sword? Does he practice martial arts? Otherwise, it feels like a weird thing for a person to have. - I figured Suzie was already dead, but it feels unnecessarily ambiguous in this setting. It's something you probably have to come out and say one way or the other. - It's a good story, but I kept thinking of "The Number 23", that movie with Jim Carrey. Not sure if it's what you were going for.
  2. - Her motivation for leaving alchemy is all three but I feel like it needs to be built up in the previous chapters. It feels a little weird Magda is just asking this now. - I like the tension between Sameer and Sorin. - And I really like the whole conflict with the lake, though the timing feels a little bit too coincidental this occurs right after Sorin and Magda discuss her feelings on alchemy. - Okay, I liked the ending and the revelation for Sorin. I agree that it needs some expanding - it lacks the impact of the rest of the chapter because Sorin is telling the reader how she feels rather than telling someone like Magda - but the rationale behind it really does work.
  3. - "Known to his friends as Rey" - seems a bit expository. Maybe use it in dialogue so it doesn't stick out so much? - I liked the idea of the Majus rodent problem. - I like that he has to complete his task without killing the creature - this adds more difficulty. - I like the climax - as well as the sense of danger throughout the actions. - Overall, I thought this was a fun story. It felt much improved from its predecessor. Good work!
  4. Thanks for the feedback @TKWade AND @kais It sounds like the characters need some work. Marlene is definitely intended as a farm girl who can hold her own, but I think I need to work on Joe a bit more. It sounds like they both need some fine-tuning.
  5. - I really like Sorin fuming about the witch. It shows more personality in the character. - Good description, especially of the beauty and terror of the ice. - Ewww frozen snot! - I like the tension between Sorin and Sammer. - I really liked this chapter - the character, the interaction, the humor. I really don't have any notes other than that.
  6. - I'm actually of the opposite mind - a lower competency makes a character more sympathetic, at least in my mind, unless he/she somehow uses that competency in a way the audience finds sympathetic. - I agree you've made the stakes more concrete, but I think it might be good to reinforce that. Try sprinkling in these memories of his old life and what's keeping him away through the story so readers can pick up on it easier. - Overall, it's a good story. The ending feels a bit abrupt and vague to me, but I think it's a good start.
  7. Hello all, Some of you have already read this particular story. Since then, I've done a lot of polishing and received some pretty "positive" rejection letters. The last one mentioned inconsistent POV and lack of character depth. I'd be curious to know what you guys think.
  8. - "the thumb of the Arbiter cannot be escaped" sounds passive and awkward. - I like the intrigue, and the action as it goes from plot point to plot point. - The priest's reaction is a bit one-dimensional, if that matters. - It might be good for us to actually meet Warren, even if it's in a small flashback, to establish his character, instead of Rowan randomly describing them after his betrayal. - The ending feels a bit muddled. Maybe it's because of the confusion Rowan is supposedly feeling, but it doesn't work for me for some reason - it feels a little too short.
  9. Thanks @kais I'm working on bringing out the technology more in the subsequent drafts. I also removed the toll road complication and just made more about taking away drivers' choices.
  10. If there's room next week, I have a second version of a short story I did way back I'd like to submit, but if more than five people volunteer, I'm perfectly willing to drop out since this would be my third week submitting.
  11. - I like the confrontation between Sorin and Magda - and how she feels like a child facing against a full-grown royal daughter. Good observation. - "I don't have time to deal with a witch, either." - Seems like it might be an unrealistic expectation. Generally speaking, witches aren't bound to convenience - Also seems a bit unrealistic that Sorin just happens to "forget her place" after so intense a confrontation. - I do like the intensity of the witch's words building up the tension. - "Thousands of ways to die on a glacier." I want to like this line. It sounds cool, but it doesn't make sense to me. I can see this being true in the woods or a city, but a glacier, it seems like the only threats are the cold, starvation and . . . i don't know . . . polar bears? I like this excerpt. The plot seems to moving mostly, and I like how the characters are clicking.
  12. Thanks a lot @Robinski. Your feedback is going to be super-helpful when I get to it. I've taken out the data cubes. They were only just a means to an end, and so far as I can tell their removal doesn't make a big impact on the story when they are removed. As of my latest revision, her father is an engineer (who thinkers with cars on the side), and is proofing some algorithms for Alice.
  13. Thanks @industrialistDragon
  14. Thanks for all the help so far. I've been revising the story based on the feedback from @TKWade and @aeromancer so far (as well the some bits with overlap with @industrialistDragon I kinda had a feeling I'd have to revise the bit about the data cubes. Those were mainly just a means to an end to get her to interact with her father. But really anything can go in that space, so I just need to find something that fits with his mechanic skills more. I'm also working on explaining the problem and the solution a bit more. I did want to add that, according to some of my research, driving habits - like timidity and aggression - is actually responsible for a lot of the traffic jams, and there is doubt self-driving cars can completely eliminate the congestion. Thanks for the feedback again. I'm steadily working through everyone's suggestions - and I really appreciate all the help.