i wear my mistakes like battle scars. my palms ache thinking about nights i spent ripping roses out of my family garden. i spent the following weeks desperately trying to plant them again but how can i revive something that i myself killed? i have gashes across my neck reminiscent of ripping the words i should have said out of my throat. it's one i've been trying to heal for over a year, but i just keep scratching at it. it itches relentlessly. i have spent years avoiding temples. i can't imagine getting up from my knees if i was told i had to forgive myself. i've been carrying these mistakes for so long. i don't think i know how to forgive myself anymore.