Yes, I realize the movie came out six months ago. Also, I wrote this a month or so after the fact, so several scenes have gone ignored. But the basic gist is still there.
Anyways, without further ado, I present to you my...
Thoughts of The Hobbit: Battle of the Five Armies
(or rather, "The Battle Where Everyone Dies" or "All the Feels" or "Why I Hate Peter Jackson")
· Galadriel what are you doing here
· Why are you kissing Gandalf
· Now there's Ring Wraiths
· And Sauron
· Galadriel you okay
· OH STORMS THAT'S TERRIFYING
· GALADRIEL YOU ARE NOT OKAY
· Sweet Elrond is here
· So is Saruman and they are kicking orc butt
· That's awesome
· Thorin u jerk
· Be nice to Bard he kind of saved your life
· Wow Thorin
· Thranduil rides a moose
· That's awesome
· The moose is cool
· I like the moose
· The moose is going to die isn't it
· Yep it's dead
· Alfrid ur a jerk
· And ur crossdressing to hide from battle
· And Bard's totally calling him out
· Alfrid just booked it with a shirt full of gold coins
· Alfrid reely
· FILI NO
· YOU CAN'T BE DEAD
· I mean I read the booK BUT STILL
· KILI DON'T
· THINK OF TAURIEL
· JACKSON IF THERE'S ANY MOMENT TO BREAK CANON IT'S NOW
· ...aaand now Kili's gone too. Great.
· I shipped it. I shipped it and now he's dead. Why.
· Peter Jackson I hate you.
· *INTERNAL SCREAMING*
· THORIN LOOK AT THE EAGLES
· THORIN NO
· And now Bilbo's back at the Shire
· heehee they're auctioning all of his stuff off
· "Can I get a signature?"
· "Yes... this is a contract of... well, never mind."
· "Who's this Thorin Oakenshield?"
· "He was... a friend."
· Oh stoRMS WHY
· RUBBING SALT IN THE WOUND NOW
· Movie's over
· Loved the movie
· Pippin is singing a song
· I like the song
· *Realization that it's finally all over*